Posts

Review: The Munsters (2022)

Mad scientist Richard Brake and his hunchbacked assistant Jorge Garcia rob graves for body parts to create what is ultimately named Herman Munster. Lily is a 100+ year-old vampire who falls in love with the big lug. Daniel Roebuck plays Lily’s father The Count (later to be known as Grandpa Munster, even though he’s Lily’s father, not Herman’s), who does not approve of Lily’s choice of mate. I wouldn’t say I was a devotee of the TV show, but I definitely watched re-runs of “The Munsters” (and “The Addams Family” for that matter) from time to time as a kid and enjoyed them well enough. Rob Zombie ( “Halloween” , “The Devil’s Rejects” ) is yet to make a film I can wholeheartedly embrace but I was at least mildly intrigued to see what he could do with the project. Then I saw the first trailer for this 2022 big-screen adaptation and my heart sank. I honestly thought I was watching something from not even Zombie, not even a Troma movie, but one of those E.I. Independent/Seduction Cinema c...
Post a Comment
Read more

Review: Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

Set in the California town of Peckham, there’s been a bizarre string of murders where it appears the male victims have been…fornicated to the point of death. Federal agent William Smith shows up to aid local law (represented by Cliff Osmond) in their investigation. Anitra Ford plays an entomologist specialising in bees, whilst Victoria Vetri turns up as a librarian at the local scientific research facility. Nudity and sense of humour in the Nicholas Meyer (director of “Time After Time” and two “Star Trek” films) script make this 1973 B-grade film the cheesy cult classic that it is. Without that humorous touch, I doubt it would be as affectionately received including by at least one well-known, dearly departed critic (and occasional screenwriter) I could name. Directed by Denis Sanders (the concert doco “Elvis: That’s the Way It Is” ) it’s played totally deadpan for very silly, comedic effect in what is essentially a non-porno about men being fucked to death by an alien race. It’s ver...
Post a Comment
Read more

Review: Confessions of an Opium Eater (1962)

Vincent Price stars as 19 th century adventurer Gilbert de Quincey, a sailor who helps rescue Chinese slave girls from the Tongs in San Francisco’s Chinatown area. He also imbibes opium from time to time. A Vincent Price film about Chinese gangs, the slave trade, and opium dens sounds alternately irresistible and horrendously outdated. The outdated part is pretty correct, though crushing boredom more than racial insensitivity is the real culprit here. This 1962 Vincent Price vehicle from director Albert Zugsmith (producer of “Touch of Evil” and “The Incredible Shrinking Man” , writer-director of a lot of exploitation films) is easily Price’s strangest film but not in any interesting or effective way, at least not for me. The Joseph Biroc ( “It’s a Wonderful Life” , “Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte” , “Blazing Saddles” ) B&W cinematography does a foggy good job of making this seem more expensive and artistic than it really is. That and Price’s mellifluous voice have to carry this one ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Review: The Treasure of San Teresa (1959)

Former World War II OSS operative Eddie Constantine ventures to what we now call Czechia in search of Nazi jewels. Dawn Addams plays Constantine’s German former lover and daughter of the General who previously owned the jewels. Also giving Constantine an assist is the General’s aide (Marius Goring). Christopher Lee and Walter Gotell turn up as German cops, whilst Georgina Cookson plays a ‘nightclub owner’ (wink, wink) with Leslie ‘Hutch’ Hutchinson as her piano player. A diverting B-movie with a C-grade leading man, this 1959 British-German co-production has just enough to get it over the line. Directed by Alvin Rakoff (who made the excellent “The Comedy Man” with Kenneth More), the standouts here are the supporting cast and noirish B&W cinematography by Wilkie Cooper ( “Green for Danger” , “Stage Fright” , “Jason and the Argonauts” ). Although his casting is far too obvious, a slippery Marius Goring runs off with the entire film in quite a large role for him. Leading lady Dawn Ad...
Post a Comment
Read more

Review: Accident Man: Hitman's Holiday (2022)

Scott Adkins returns as Mike Fallon, the title orchestrator of ‘accidental’ assassinations. After getting on the wrong side of his boss (the late Ray Stevenson) in the first film, Mike has been hiding out in Malta carrying out his trade in different surrounds. He eventually bumps into a familiar face, explosives expert Finicky Fred (Perry Benson) and before long the two are teaming up for business purposes. Eventually they are hired by crime boss Faminia Cinque to protect her idiot son (George Fouracres) from the assassins trying to rub him out. Although director Jesse V. Johnson dipped out of this one, some of the original “Accident Man” cast and crew are back for this 2022 sequel directed this time by debutants The Kirby Brothers. Based again on the Pat Mills comic book, there’s an inevitable drop in quality this time out (the first is one of Scott Adkins’ best films to date), but not nearly as much as you might expect. Scripted once again by Stu Small ( “Triple Threat” , “Avengemen...
Post a Comment
Read more

Review: Nowhere to Hide (1987)

Marine Major Daniel Hugh Kelly investigates the wreckage of a chopper accident and deduces that a faulty machine part is to blame. Unfortunately, somebody is not happy with Kelly going public with his findings, leaving his tough wife (Amy Madigan) and young son (Robin MacEachern) vulnerable to assassins in the employ of powerful figures who are part of a conspiracy. Maury Chaykin plays one of the assassins, John Colicos plays Kelly’s friendly commanding officer, Michael Ironside is the reclusive survivalist brother of Kelly, Chuck Shamata plays a Marine Sergeant, veteran bit player Garrick Hagon plays a sinister manufacturing company bigwig, and Clark Johnson plays an investigative journalist who gets everybody’s nose out of joint. Produced by Roger Corman’s wife Julie, and directed by TV veteran Mario Azzopardi (the kinda OK Rutger Hauer thriller “Bone Daddy” ), this 1987 Canadian action-thriller just isn’t what the cover promises. If you’re looking for 90 minutes of Amy Madigan takin...
Post a Comment
Read more

Review: Black Samson (1974)

Rockne Tarkington plays the title dashiki-wearing, stick-carrying club/bar owner, an African-American with a tamed lion (!) behind the bar. Gangster Johnny Nappa (William Smith) wants to muscle in on Samson’s territory and will gladly fuck shit up to get what he wants. Meanwhile, Johnny’s old school uncle and boss, who would prefer to carry out business in a more gentlemanly fashion. Carol Speed plays Samson’s squeeze, whilst Connie Strickland turns up as Johnny’s mistreated girl whom he coerces into posing as a prospective dancer at Samson’s club to spy on him. Michael Payne plays a high-as-a-kite drug dealer named Arthur, a powerful community figure, but a coward and sleaze who initially refuses to help Samson when Johnny and his goons take things too far. Napoleon Whiting plays Samson’s elderly friend and employee Old Henry.   It’s not often I’ll get the opportunity to watch a film twice before reviewing it, but I subsequently bought this 1974 blaxploitation film in a 4 movi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Review: Goldengirl (1979)

Marketing/merchandising expert James Coburn is enlisted to join the team for athlete Goldine (Susan Anton) who hopes to win three sprinting gold medals at the upcoming Olympics in Moscow. However, Goldine (AKA Goldengirl) is no ordinary track athlete. Her German scientist adoptive father (Curd Jurgens) has designed and moulded her from birth to be a super athlete. Hormone injections included. John Newcombe plays another client/creation of Jurgens, a tennis pro. Robert Culp briefly turns up as a sports announcer, Leslie Caron is a shrink, Harry Guardino and Michael Lerner play two of the businessmen with an investment in Goldengirl.   Directed by Joseph Sargent ( “The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three” but also “Jaws the Revenge” ), this 1979 box-office flop is so bad, it’s a lucky thing hardly anyone has seen it. Scripted by John Kohn ( “Reach for Glory” ) from a Peter Lear novel, it’s not only incredibly boring, it’s truly embarrassing. I’ve never seen a film seemingly destine...
Post a Comment
Read more