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Review: Martin’s Day (1985)

Hardened criminal Richard Harris breaks out of prison, steals a police car and eventually takes a 12 year-old boy (Justin Henry) as hostage when some coppers get ready to approach him. Thus begins a volatile road trip between a desperate convict and a quiet little boy who both happen to be named Martin. Lindsay Wagner plays a prison shrink, James Coburn plays a cop, Karen Black appears briefly as Harris’ ex, and John Ireland is Harris’ recently parolled prison buddy.   Truly awful 1985 Canadian film from former Hammer director Alan Gibson ( “Dracula AD 1972” , “Crescendo” ) is like an awkward, wrong-headed forerunner to Clint Eastwood’s “A Perfect World” . That film was uneven, but at least it gave us one of Kevin Costner’s better performances and never quite overdosed on sentimentality. Costner’s character was still a bad guy, just not quite as bad as his cohort. This film seems to want you to like its main character, and that creates disaster. The sole highlight here is a mer...
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Review: Escape From Sobibor (1987)

Set in a Polish ‘work camp’ (read: death camp) during WWII, Alan Arkin plays Jewish prisoner Leon, who bravely attempts to orchestrate a mass prisoner escape from their brutal Nazi captors. Joanna Pacula and a Russian Rutger Hauer play two other prisoners instrumental in planning and carrying out the escape. Jack Shepherd plays another prisoner who only slowly – and gut-wrenchingly – realises that his family has been exterminated in the ‘showers’.     If you can get your eyes on the full 2+ hour version, this 1987 TV movie from director Jack Gold (The mediocre “The Medusa Touch” ) is really worthwhile. It’s an important film about an important story that should never be forgotten. Possibly due to being a mid 80s TV movie that has more recently been viewed in truncated form (with about an hour cut out!), it seems to not be spoken about much these days. However, it was widely viewed on original run, and won Golden Globes for the film itself (in a tie with another TV film) an...
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Review: Assassin (2023)

Soldier Nomzamo Mbatha confronts Bruce Willis over her husband Mustafa Shakir’s current comatose state. Shakir is a drone pilot in the military, with Willis his superior. It turns out ‘drone pilot’ means something different here, as Shakir was part of a top-secret experiment using human bodies as drones . Basically, the mind of one soldier being able to be transported into the body of another. Now the technology has fallen into the hands of bad guy Dominic Purcell, and Mbatha will have to enter a drone body herself to flush him out and kill him. Barry Jay Minoff plays Marko, one of Willis’ not very nice associates.   If this 2023 film is as reported to be Bruce Willis’ final film, then he hasn’t gone out on the worst of notes I suppose. That’s about as charitable as I can be here, I’m afraid. If you’re still on the Bruce Willis train at this point, you should know what you’re getting here, it’s neither the best nor the worst of the direct-to-DVD/streaming era but not really wor...
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Review: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)

Mr. Kite (George Burns) tells the story of the title band who entertained the town of Heartland until 1958 when the sergeant died of a heart attack. Their instruments still remain in town, and now a new incarnation of band (played by Peter Frampton and The Bee Gees) have picked up where the original band left off. Trouble comes in the form of greedy record company head B.D. Hoffler (Donald Pleasence) and a thieving git named Mean Mr. Mustard (Frankie Howerd), the latter of whom hopes to steal the sacred instruments, the former might just steal their souls. The only hope? The lovely Strawberry Fields (Sandy Farina).   I’m a Beatles fan, Sgt. Pepper is one of their best and most iconic albums. I’m also a fan of Steve Martin, Donald Pleasence, Billy Preston, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, and Earth Wind & Fire. I also rather like some of The Bee Gees stuff, much as I’d love to never hear ‘More Than A Woman’ ever again. So I should like this 1978 all-star film right? No, and not just...
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Review: Men (2022)

Londoner Jessie Buckley needs a break after the death of her husband, so she rents a house in a small country village. Soon after, a disturbed and nude man tries to break in. Two things strike her as disturbing; 1) The rather disinterested attitude of the locals towards this disturbance, and 2) Said locals all seem to look alike. As in they all look a lot like Rory Kinnear in various guises. And that’s when things turn even more disturbing…and bizarre.   I seem to be on a lonely island of my own here, but this film from writer-director Alex Garland ( “Ex-Machina” ) is second only to Phil Tippett’s “Mad God” as my favourite film of 2022. I don’t think I’ve felt this isolated in praising a film so strongly since “Repo Men” was named as one of my favourite films of 2010, but this seems to be the one A24 film that people either were disappointed by or actively despise. That’s OK, I’ll have it. I really liked this one. If you like folk horror and/or you like psychological horror, ...
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Review: The Hitter (1978)

Ex-boxer and now drifter Otis (Ron O’Neal) defeats Louisiana Slim (Bill Cobbs) at a game of pool, in the latter’s own pool hall no less. ‘ol Louisiana Slim isn’t happy about that at all, so Otis makes a swift exit. Then he meets aging con artist Nathan (Adolph Caesar), who upon finding out what Otis used to do for a living, sees dollar signs for them both in the street fight caper. Sheila Frazier plays a hooker whom Otis romances, unawares that she’s also the squeeze of the already pissed off Louisiana Slim.   A small, overlooked 1978 drama from director Christopher Leitch (director of “Teen Wolf Too” , co-writer of “Universal Soldier” ), if you’re a Ron O’Neal fan you’ll want to check this one out. It’s got an archaic plot, and a bit of a mixed tone, but it’s a pretty entertaining watch. Ron O’Neal had enormous power and charisma as an actor, but was largely wasted throughout his career. “Super Fly” made him a star, and whilst he seems to think it also ironically ended his ca...
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Review: May/December (2023)

This fictionalised version of the Mary Kay Letourneau case has Natalie Portman playing an actress about to embark on a film project concerning the relationship between Grace (Julianne Moore) and Joe (Charles Melton, staggeringly out of his depth). What’s the fuss all about? Well, when Grace was 36 she began having criminal sexual contact with the then 13 year-old Joe and eventually became pregnant. Now Grace is around 60 and Joe in his 30s, and they’re welcoming Elizabeth (Portman) into their home and lives. The intrusion opens up holes in the relationship, whilst also taking Elizabeth on a bit of a journey herself.   The Mary Kay Letourneau criminal case could provide the basis for a good big screen film. Director Todd Haynes (the solid “Carol” ), screenwriter Samy Burch (better known as a casting director), and producer-star Natalie Portman have not given us that good film. This 2023 meta-infused fictionalisation of the real-life criminal case is utterly repugnant, worthless,...
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Review: Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge (1991)

In 1940s Germany, a scientist (Ian Abercrombie) is forced by Gestapo Major Krauss (Richard Lynch) to work for the Reich in using chemicals to reanimate corpses. Meanwhile, puppeteer Andre Toulon (Guy Rolfe) does two things to piss off the Nazis; 1) Mock the F ü hrer through his puppet show, and 2) He refuses to give them the secret formula for giving the otherwise inanimate puppets life. Major Krauss responds to this lack of co-operation by having Toulon’s beloved wife (Sarah Douglas) gunned down as she attempts to stop them taking the formula. Time to unleash the puppet master’s obedient followers on the Third Reich!   If the first “Puppetmaster” film was the one that got Full Moon studios up and running, this 1991 prequel from David DeCoteau ( “Creepozoids” ) represents the high point of the series and one of the best films Full Moon ever made. Scripted by C. Courtney Joyner ( “Doctor Mordrid” , “Mandroid” ), the film is every bit as slow as the previous two films but the ke...
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