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Review: Bolo (1977)

A decision is made to appoint two prison inmates to act as lawmen in a crime-ridden village, after the previous sheriff was beheaded. One is unscrupulous con artist Jason Piao Pai, the other is the hulking Bolo (played by Bolo Yeung). Brains and brawn basically, with Bolo taking the gig far more seriously than his shifty comrade. And that puts Bolo at odds with the village’s corrupt mayor, who tries to poison him. Yes, scary-looking veteran martial arts henchman Bolo Yeung once directed and starred in a movie. No, this 1977 martial arts comedy is not as cool as you’re picturing in your head. Scripted by Yeung Hon Ning, it’s got some fun moments but not enough to make the film worthwhile. I figured Bolo was tired of playing secondary heavies or one scene cameos and decided to make a film where he’s the lead. He’s certainly the main focus here, but oddly enough he seems to have conceded top-billing to Jason Piao Pai. The latter is fine, but he’s no Bolo that’s for damn sure. Bolo also se...
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Review: Wolf Girl (2001)

Victoria Sanchez plays the title attraction at Tim Curry’s travelling sideshow of freaks, a young woman suffering with a condition that covers her face and body with an abnormal amount of hair. She’s fed up with cruel taunting from local bullies (including Shawn Ashmore and Shelby Fenner) when she meets social outcast Dov Diefenbach. Diefanbach’s mother is an experimental scientist (a wasted Lesley Ann Warren) and he steals drugs for Sanchez that will see her shed hair. Unforunately, the drugs have quite unpredictable, feral side-effects and Sanchez becomes a danger to others. Darlene Cates from “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” , Jordan Prentice, and Grace Jones play other carnival attractions. More quirky romantic drama than horror film for much of its length, this 2001 film from director Thom Fitzgerald and screenwriter Lori Lansens is a small film that seems to have come and gone without much notice. That’s a shame, because although there are flaws, this is a solid and interesting. The...
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Review: Sneakers (1992)

Robert Redford stars as a former late 1960s radical and hacker who once left his buddy behind right before the cops show up during one of their exploits. Hey, you’d choose pizza over prison, too. Now in the 1990s, Redford has assumed a new name and leads a team of varied hi-tech experts who get hired to test the security systems of companies. A couple of NSA spooks (Timothy Busfield and Eddie Jones) show up who know Redford’s real identity and basically strong-arm him into helping them acquire a top-secret black box. They also agree to clear his record and will give Redford and his team a hefty amount of money for the gig. Of course, the spooks turn out to not be who they claim, and the black box is so powerful it can decode any and all encryption systems. The kind of thing governments – and other unsavoury types – would kill for. Enter Sir Ben Kingsley, as a man from Redford’s past whose identity is immediately obvious. Redford’s team is comprised of former CIA agent Sidney Poitier, c...
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Review: There's Something Wrong With the Children (2023)

Two families go away together on vacation, and soon the kids have become obsessively drawn to a huge pit in an abandoned building. Parents Amanda Crew and Carlos Santos aren’t in a good place in their marriage so the other couple (Alisha Wainwright, Zach Gilford) agree to watch the kids for the night so they can re-connect. Unfortunately, the next morning the kids have vanished. Gilford goes back to the pit and finds the kids there only to watch them jump to their apparent deaths at the bottom of the pit. However, when he goes back to tell of the horrific news, the kids are there and seemingly alive and well. What. The. F. Directed by Roxanne Benjamin (who has directed a few TV episodes here and there), this 2023 Blumhouse horror film has some things going for it, but far too many problems to recommend. The roving camerawork is nice, and Yaron Levy (who lensed 10 episodes of “The Purge” TV series) gives us some colourful cinematography. It looks great, it’s quite atmospheric. I just d...
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Review: The Omen (1976)

American ambassador Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) is in Rome for the birth of his first child with wife Katharine (Lee Remick, perfect casting) when he is told that the child has not survived the birth. It’s 6am on the 6 th day of the 6 th month. Thorn is told that they can be given a replacement, as a woman has just died giving birth, and her baby is now orphaned. In order to save his wife the trauma and grief, Thorn reluctantly takes the offer and they name the child Damien. Several years later and now Thorn is posted to England, where some odd and violent things start happening around the now adolescent Damien (Harvey Stephens). A nanny (Holly Palance) makes a public spectacle of committing suicide at Damien’s fifth birthday party, exclaiming ‘It’s all for you!’. A trip to the zoo sees a pack of baboons violently shake the family car. And just why does Damien so badly freak out when taken to church? Even Katharine starts to have her suspicions/fears about Damien. A ranting priest (P...
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Review: The Alchemist (1983)

Lucinda Dooline picks up a hitch-hiker John Sanderford but this isn’t a cautionary tale about hitch-hiking or picking up strangers. Instead, these two barely acquainted characters have to deal with a man (C-grade action star Robert Ginty) suffering from a curse afflicted upon him by a sorcerer (Robert Glaudini) in the late 1800s. This man (who is somehow still alive) is convinced that Dooline is the spitting image of his wife who was stolen by the sorcerer. Oh, and about that curse…it gives him immortality but occasionally transforms him into some kind of beast. Yeah. I certainly have been known to be a cinematic contrarian from time to time, but it’s relatively rare for my own reaction to a film to be the polar opposite of the majority. This 1983 fantasy/folk horror outing was one of the biggest surprises for me when going through the filmography of producer/director/studio head Charles Band ( “Parasite” , “Puppet Master” ) over the last year or so. In addition to having a troubled pr...
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Review: Messiah of Evil (1974)

Marianna Hill arrives at a seaside town in search of her artist father (Royal Dano), whose communications have become increasingly erratic. She hooks up with Michael Greer and his friends Anitra Ford and Joy Bang as they slowly realise it’s the hundredth anniversary of an incident involving a blood red moon and the dead have risen to feed on the living. Charles Dierkop appears briefly as a gas station attendant, and Elisha Cook Jr. plays a fearful homeless man. 1974 cult item from husband-and-wife team of director Willard Hyuck and co-writer Gloria Katz, George Lucas’ pals who later forced “Howard the Duck” onto the cinematic landscape. This one’s considerably better, but still not a complete success in my book. It’s got a pretty agonising pace and a little too much vagueness for my liking. After 40 minutes, you kinda want the details to start filling in, and they just don’t come until you’ve stopped caring. Character motivation in particular seems lacking, and the character played by...
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Review: The Blood on Satan's Claw (1971)

Set in an 18 th Century English village, local judge Patrick Wymark is shown some disturbing remains with what was meant to be strange tufts of fur. However, when the judge arrives to examine things, the remains have vanished and the judge thinks nothing further of it. However, he’s going to have to face up to the fact that something disturbing is indeed going on in the village, as young Linda Hayden (17 at the time of filming) has taken to trying to seduce the local Reverend (a very serious Anthony Ainley), and leading the village’s youngsters in Satanic activity. Tamara Ustinov and Wendy Padbury play frightened local girls, Michele Dotrice plays one of the young Satanists, Milton Reid appears briefly as a dog handler, and James Hayter adds colour in the role of a pompous Squire. Tigon (or Tigon British) were never quite able to compete with Hammer Films or Amicus Films in the independent horror market. However, they did give us two of the best witch-hunter films in “Witchfinder Gene...
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