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Review: Barbie

Set in a matriarchal world where everyone is either a fawning Ken or an admired Barbie, the film is centred around one particular Barbie (Margot Robbie) who seems to undergo something peculiar: Fear. She has a sudden anxiety about her own mortality, and that thought leads to an existential crisis which will see her to venture out of Barbieland and into the ‘real’ world in search of the child who has apparently been ‘playing’ with her. Barbie is accompanied by Ken (Ryan Gosling), a preening idiot who finds the ‘real’ world and its patriarchal society very much eye-opening, which leads to trouble when he comes back to Barbieland and tells the other Kens what he has learned.   Although I’m clearly the wrong demo (45 and a hetero male), I was really rooting for this 2023 film from Greta Gerwig (the solid “Lady Bird” ) and co-writer Noah Baumbach (Wes Anderson’s enjoyable “Fantastic Mr. Fox” ). I figured there was room for some real wit and enjoyment, and any film that pisses off th...
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Review: Abby

Carol Speed stars as the title young woman, who has just moved into a new house with her husband Terry Carter, an apprentice priest. All of a sudden Abby starts to undergo severe and frightening changes, becoming uncharacteristically foul-mouthed and sexually aggressive, and even having the capacity to move objects mentally. Carter thinks he better call in an expert, namely his father William Marshall, a priest who also happens to be a college professor of ancient religions and cults. Juanita Moore plays Abby’s mother, with Austin Stoker turning up as Abby’s brother.   The notorious 1974 William Girdler ( “Sheba, Baby” , “The Manitou” ) blaxploitation rip-off of “The Exorcist” that resulted in Warner Brothers suing AIP and getting the film taken out of circulation in the US for years. It made money, but due to the lawsuit Girdler himself sadly saw none of it, and he died in 1978 at age 30. Apparently a later court ruling realised Warners didn’t have a monopoly on exorcism film...
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Review: Puppetmaster

In 1939, at the Bodega Bay Inn in California, puppeteer Andre Toulon is putting away his creations whilst a couple of Nazis are about to break the door down. He subsequently commits suicide. 50 years later, a collection of psychics (including Paul Le Mat and fortune teller Irene Miracle) arrive at the same Bodega Bay Inn having been telepathically invited there by a man who was obsessed with animating the inanimate. The psychics learn when they arrive that their host has recently committed suicide (shouldn’t they have seen that coming, though?). Instead they are menaced by Toulon’s puppets, out of their hiding spot all these years later.   I used to watch a lot of Full Moon movies in my teens, which inevitably meant watching the first five or six “Puppetmaster” films. It was really the franchise that the company was built on, as I believe this was Full Moon’s very first release after the collapse of Charles Band’s previous company Empire. After the fifth or sixth one my cinema...
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Review: Riverbend

Steve James plays a returning Vietnam veteran who along with a couple of his men goes against orders that would see them execute women and children. They are set for court-martial when they flee custody. Now in the Georgia town of Riverbend, James and his men seek refuge with a local widow (Margaret Avery). Unfortunately, Riverbend is under the tight, racially prejudiced control of the local sheriff (Tony Frank), a hateful bigot who fatally shot Avery’s husband in broad daylight like it was nothing. It looks like the town of Riverbend – or a least its African-American population – needs someone to stick up for them.   Director Sam Firstenberg ( “Revenge of the Ninja” , “American Ninja” ) and martial arts star Steve James made a mixture of “Walking Tall” and “Mississippi Burning” , and almost no one’s heard of it. You likely won’t believe it exists, even if you’re a Steve James fan. It’s also not very good, which I imagine you’ll have an easier time believing. Somehow the execs...
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Review: Beast

Widower Idris Elba flies his teen daughters to Africa and the small village their mother grew up in. Meanwhile, a rogue lion has been killing villagers. Man vs. Beast ensues. Sharlto Copley turns up as a friendly game warden.   Idris Elba apparently chose to make this 2022 lion movie because it gave him an opportunity to make a ‘run, chase, run’ movie. I’m happy you got your wish, Idris. However, I wished for a film that was either good or at least fun, and that’s not what I’ve been given by you, director Baltasar Kormákur (who made better films like “Contraband” , “2 Guns” , and the underrated “Everest” ), and screenwriter Ryan Engle ( “Non-Stop” , “The Commuter” ). It’s been well-shot, otherwise the best I can say here is that unlike the infamous “Roar” I wasn’t watching an actual animal attack.   The filmmakers had two possibilities for success here; 1) Embrace the human story of a father taking his kids to Africa where their mother grew up and forget about the l...
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Review: Searching for Bobby Fischer

Based on a true story, Max Pomeranc stars as young Josh whose sports writer dad (a terrific Joe Mantegna) introduces him to chess and before long realises that the kid’s got a knack for it. Whilst dad gets professional chess tutor Pandolfini (Sir Ben Kingsley) to coach Josh, mother Joan Allen frets that the boy is missing out on what childhood is really about. Laurence Fishburne plays Josh’s other chess mentor, a flashy speed chess hustler. William H. Macy plays the father of another player, Dan Hedaya is a chess tournament official, Robert Stephens plays the mentor of Josh’s chief rival, and Laura Linney appears as Josh’s school teacher.   Despite being an occasional (and not very good) recreational player of chess for most of my life, 13 year-old me had zero interest in seeing something like this 1993 chess drama from writer-director Steven Zaillian ( “A Civil Action” , “Schindler’s List” ). so it’s now at age 45 that I finally caught up with it and I’m really glad I did. Bas...
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Review: Pearl

Set multiple decades before “X” , Mia Goth stars as Pearl whose husband (Alistair Sewell) is off fighting in WWI. Pearl is stuck doing chores for her humourless mother (Tandi Wright) and tending to her decrepit, disabled father (Matthew Sunderland), whilst dreaming of being a dancer and leaving the family farm. Pearl also starts seeing a projectionist (David Corenswet). Oh, and she’s also coming apart at the seams and on the verge of a homicidal rampage.   You’re either on the same wavelength as director Ti West and co-writer/star Mia Goth or you’re…me. Yeah, I’m gonna annoy you today, apologies in advance. Seriously, I hated this 2022 film before the end of the opening credits. That’s a new record for me. Mr. West needs to learn that if you put ‘starring’ before every actor in the credits, you diminish the meaning of that word. Meanwhile, the colour, font, and music gave off Douglas Sirk vibes a little too much for my palette, and Mia Goth’s performance is far too ‘put-on’. A...
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Review: Hard Target 2

After accidentally killing his best friend in a match, former top MMA fighter Scott Adkins now barely scrapes by fighting in street tussles in Bangkok, Thailand. Rich American Robert Knepper offers Adkins a heck of a sweet deal for one fight: $500,000. He agrees and is soon flown to the Myanmar jungle where he quickly realises Knepper has fed him to the wolves. Knepper is the head of an organised game hunt, where the game being hunted is human! Rhona Mitra and Temuera Morrison are among the other blood-thirsty hunters.   The king of the direct-to-DVD sequel director Roel Reine ( “The Marine 2” , “Death Race 2” , “12 Rounds 2: Reloaded” , “The Man With the Iron Fists 2” , “The Condemned 2” ) collaborates with the king of the direct-to-DVD action movie Scott Adkins for this perfectly fine 2016 sequel to the JCVD/John Woo ‘classic’. To be honest, all this variant of “The Most Dangerous Game” needed to do was be better than “Turkey Shoot” and “The Condemned” , and indeed it does ...
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