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Review: The Men of Sherwood Forest (1954)

King Richard (Patrick Holt) is held prisoner in Germany, Sir Nigel of Saltire (Douglas Wilmer, in an excellent film debut) enlists the help of Robin Hood (Don Taylor) to uncover plans regarding the King’s return. After all, if the plans fall into the wrong hands the King’s life could be in danger. The trail eventually leads to the rotten Sir Guy Belton (David King-Wood), but there is another conspiratorial figure who is tied to Prince John. Eileen Moore plays the lovely Lady Alys, who along with Friar Tuck (Reginald Beckwith), and Robin’s Merry Men fill out the support players. Giant Bernard Bresslaw can briefly be seen as a dopey guard, and Leonard Sachs plays The Sheriff of Nottingham, far less important to the tale here than usual. Moderately enjoyable 1954 Val Guest ( “Yesterday’s Enemy” , “The Full Treatment” , “Hell is a City” ) adventure film was Hammer’s first of several Robin Hood films, but not the best of them (that would be 1967’s underrated “A Challenge for Robin Hood” ). ...
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Review: Samurai Cop (1991)

Mathew Karedas (credited as Matt Hannon) stars as the title San Diego cop now transferred to Los Angeles to tackle a Japanese drug syndicate called The Katana Clan (headed by Cranston Komuro). Mark Frazer plays Karedas’ partner on the force, whilst Gerald Okamura and Robert Z’Dar play Komuro’s subordinates. Melissa Moore plays a fellow cop Karedas beds down with at one point, Jannis Farley plays Karedas’ chief love interest (a restaurant owner), and an actress simply credited as ‘Cameron’ plays Z’Dar’s girlfriend…whom Kaderas also seduces. Nearly every review of Amir Shervan’s cheap and dull “Killing American Style” seemed to suggest I perhaps had started with the wrong Shervan film. So here I am having now seen his 1991 ‘magnum opus’ of crap. Indeed this is the Armin Shervan film to see for those of a certain deranged cinematic mindset like me. Sadly, it was his last directorial effort even though he didn’t pass away until 2006. Apparently he just couldn’t get financing for anything ...
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Review: The Munsters (2022)

Mad scientist Richard Brake and his hunchbacked assistant Jorge Garcia rob graves for body parts to create what is ultimately named Herman Munster. Lily is a 100+ year-old vampire who falls in love with the big lug. Daniel Roebuck plays Lily’s father The Count (later to be known as Grandpa Munster, even though he’s Lily’s father, not Herman’s), who does not approve of Lily’s choice of mate. I wouldn’t say I was a devotee of the TV show, but I definitely watched re-runs of “The Munsters” (and “The Addams Family” for that matter) from time to time as a kid and enjoyed them well enough. Rob Zombie ( “Halloween” , “The Devil’s Rejects” ) is yet to make a film I can wholeheartedly embrace but I was at least mildly intrigued to see what he could do with the project. Then I saw the first trailer for this 2022 big-screen adaptation and my heart sank. I honestly thought I was watching something from not even Zombie, not even a Troma movie, but one of those E.I. Independent/Seduction Cinema c...
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Review: Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

Set in the California town of Peckham, there’s been a bizarre string of murders where it appears the male victims have been…fornicated to the point of death. Federal agent William Smith shows up to aid local law (represented by Cliff Osmond) in their investigation. Anitra Ford plays an entomologist specialising in bees, whilst Victoria Vetri turns up as a librarian at the local scientific research facility. Nudity and sense of humour in the Nicholas Meyer (director of “Time After Time” and two “Star Trek” films) script make this 1973 B-grade film the cheesy cult classic that it is. Without that humorous touch, I doubt it would be as affectionately received including by at least one well-known, dearly departed critic (and occasional screenwriter) I could name. Directed by Denis Sanders (the concert doco “Elvis: That’s the Way It Is” ) it’s played totally deadpan for very silly, comedic effect in what is essentially a non-porno about men being fucked to death by an alien race. It’s ver...
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Review: Confessions of an Opium Eater (1962)

Vincent Price stars as 19 th century adventurer Gilbert de Quincey, a sailor who helps rescue Chinese slave girls from the Tongs in San Francisco’s Chinatown area. He also imbibes opium from time to time. A Vincent Price film about Chinese gangs, the slave trade, and opium dens sounds alternately irresistible and horrendously outdated. The outdated part is pretty correct, though crushing boredom more than racial insensitivity is the real culprit here. This 1962 Vincent Price vehicle from director Albert Zugsmith (producer of “Touch of Evil” and “The Incredible Shrinking Man” , writer-director of a lot of exploitation films) is easily Price’s strangest film but not in any interesting or effective way, at least not for me. The Joseph Biroc ( “It’s a Wonderful Life” , “Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte” , “Blazing Saddles” ) B&W cinematography does a foggy good job of making this seem more expensive and artistic than it really is. That and Price’s mellifluous voice have to carry this one ...
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Review: The Treasure of San Teresa (1959)

Former World War II OSS operative Eddie Constantine ventures to what we now call Czechia in search of Nazi jewels. Dawn Addams plays Constantine’s German former lover and daughter of the General who previously owned the jewels. Also giving Constantine an assist is the General’s aide (Marius Goring). Christopher Lee and Walter Gotell turn up as German cops, whilst Georgina Cookson plays a ‘nightclub owner’ (wink, wink) with Leslie ‘Hutch’ Hutchinson as her piano player. A diverting B-movie with a C-grade leading man, this 1959 British-German co-production has just enough to get it over the line. Directed by Alvin Rakoff (who made the excellent “The Comedy Man” with Kenneth More), the standouts here are the supporting cast and noirish B&W cinematography by Wilkie Cooper ( “Green for Danger” , “Stage Fright” , “Jason and the Argonauts” ). Although his casting is far too obvious, a slippery Marius Goring runs off with the entire film in quite a large role for him. Leading lady Dawn Ad...
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Review: Accident Man: Hitman's Holiday (2022)

Scott Adkins returns as Mike Fallon, the title orchestrator of ‘accidental’ assassinations. After getting on the wrong side of his boss (the late Ray Stevenson) in the first film, Mike has been hiding out in Malta carrying out his trade in different surrounds. He eventually bumps into a familiar face, explosives expert Finicky Fred (Perry Benson) and before long the two are teaming up for business purposes. Eventually they are hired by crime boss Faminia Cinque to protect her idiot son (George Fouracres) from the assassins trying to rub him out. Although director Jesse V. Johnson dipped out of this one, some of the original “Accident Man” cast and crew are back for this 2022 sequel directed this time by debutants The Kirby Brothers. Based again on the Pat Mills comic book, there’s an inevitable drop in quality this time out (the first is one of Scott Adkins’ best films to date), but not nearly as much as you might expect. Scripted once again by Stu Small ( “Triple Threat” , “Avengemen...
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Review: Nowhere to Hide (1987)

Marine Major Daniel Hugh Kelly investigates the wreckage of a chopper accident and deduces that a faulty machine part is to blame. Unfortunately, somebody is not happy with Kelly going public with his findings, leaving his tough wife (Amy Madigan) and young son (Robin MacEachern) vulnerable to assassins in the employ of powerful figures who are part of a conspiracy. Maury Chaykin plays one of the assassins, John Colicos plays Kelly’s friendly commanding officer, Michael Ironside is the reclusive survivalist brother of Kelly, Chuck Shamata plays a Marine Sergeant, veteran bit player Garrick Hagon plays a sinister manufacturing company bigwig, and Clark Johnson plays an investigative journalist who gets everybody’s nose out of joint. Produced by Roger Corman’s wife Julie, and directed by TV veteran Mario Azzopardi (the kinda OK Rutger Hauer thriller “Bone Daddy” ), this 1987 Canadian action-thriller just isn’t what the cover promises. If you’re looking for 90 minutes of Amy Madigan takin...
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