Shameless Self Expression

Doctor Jose Ferrer delivers three babies in quick succession during a total eclipse of the sun. Years later, the trio of babies (now played by Billy Jacoby, Andy Freeman, and Elizabeth Hoy) have grown up to become homicidal 10 year-olds! It’s up to young K.C. Martel and his older sister Lori Lethin to stop the little menaces, as townsfolk keep getting bumped off. But...they’re just kids...they couldn’t...could they? Needless to say, our heroes don’t get a lot of sympathetic ears in town, but yes, due to Saturn (a planet that controls our emotions, apparently) being blocked due to the eclipse, these kids end up homicidal maniacs. Susan Strasberg turns up briefly as a teacher, whilst Julie Brown (of “Earth Girls Are Easy” semi-fame) has a supporting role as Lethin’s party girl best friend whose frequent disrobing in her bedroom gets used by her little sister Hoy as a money-making exercise involving a hidden peephole. Yeah, these kids are sick, and don’t act normal at all. Look out for

Whilst bloodsucker Edward (Robert Pattinson) and werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) are busy insisting that Bella (Kristen Stewart) loves them and not the other, the other members of Edward’s clan have heard word of a new vampire army created by the vengeful Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) and headed by Riley (Australia’s own Xavier Samuel) are on their way and targeting Bella. So the two himbo rivals must put their differences aside in order to come together and protect the girl they both love. Peter Facinelli, Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, and Kellan Lutz return as Edward’s ‘family’, Dakota Fanning appears briefly once again as vampire Jane, Anna Kendrick plays Bella’s friend Jessica, and Billy Burke and Sarah Clarke play Bella’s parents. There’s only two reasons why I bothered with this film, the third in the “Twilight” series; 1) It was on TV, and as you know I have no life, and 2) The previous film, “New Moon” sucked ever so slightly less than the first film. Well, this one, which

A nine hour miniseries in which Richard Chamberlain stars as Maj. Blackthorne, a British navigator of a Dutch merchant ship who after a storm, is shipwrecked off the coast of Japan in the 16 th century. In addition to the Japanese locals, Blackthorne finds himself amongst Portuguese traders and Jesuit priests (They’re Catholics, he’s a Protestant). He and the surviving crew are swiftly imprisoned and accused of piracy by the Jesuits (who are at war with the Dutch). The local lord, Toranaga (Toshiro Mifune) takes an interest in Blackthorne, though, or ‘anjin’ as he is dubbed (it means ‘pilot’), and wants to hear his story, assigning the lovely Lady Toda (Yoko Shimada) as his translator. Before long, Blackthorne has become involved in the political struggle between Lord Toranaga and his rival as Toranaga aims to be Shogun (kind of an uber-warlord). He also begins a forbidden romance with the married Lady Toda. John Rhys-Davies is Blackthorne’s friendly Portuguese rival ‘pilot’ Rodr

Review: 20 th Century Boys Part 1 A group of kids in the 70s who would have secret meetings together in a makeshift clubhouse are reunited around 25 years later when strange things start happening. It appears that a new and increasingly powerful cult has come to prominence. What is important here is that a) The current situation appears frighteningly similar to the apocalyptic stories spun as an adolescent by Kenji (Toshiaki Karasawa), and 2) Mysterious cult leader ‘Friend’ is more than likely one of his childhood inner circle. But who? Kenji is a former rock star now living the quiet life working at the family convenience store and looking after his missing sister’s daughter. When one of the old gang turns up dead and leaves some cryptic notes, Kenji decides to get the gang back together to work out just who ‘Friend’ is, and try to remember enough about his ‘Book of Prophecies’ to work out how to stop his end of the world plans. Etsushi Toyokawa plays Kenji’s grown-up best f

Vince Vaughn finds himself in a pickle when he catches the wife (Winona Ryder) of his best friend and co-worker (Kevin James) in a compromising position with a moronic douchebag named Zip (Channing Tatum, hard-working but unfunny). Does he tell his buddy what’s going on even though James is already obsessing and worrying about their big business presentation? Apparently no, he doesn’t, at least not at first. Meanwhile, Vaughn (whose character is also a recovering gambling addict) is contemplating the rest of his life with his own girlfriend, played by Jennifer Connelly. Chelcie Ross plays the major car manufacturer head honcho the boys are trying to impress, Rance Howard is Connelly’s dad (actually he’s Ron Howard’s dad, but anyway...), and Queen Latifah plays a dirty-minded auto executive who likes the boys’ unorthodox viewpoint and methods. How is it that a solid filmmaker like Ron Howard ( “Apollo 13” , “Ransom” , “A Beautiful Mind” , “Cinderella Man” ) can direct a damn maste

Casey Affleck documents his brother-in-law Joaquin Phoenix’s rejection of the movie business to become a white rapper. With a ‘homeless guy’ beard. Lots of incoherent ranting, incoherent whining, and incoherent rapping ensues. I have seen this Casey Affleck (brother of Ben and Best Supporting Actor Oscar-nominee for “The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford” ) mockumentary long after the director’s interview where he finally confessed that yes, this was all just a hoax. Personally, and I’m not bragging but I picked it long beforehand. I kinda thought most people did, actually. The infamous Dave Letterman interview, to be specific is where I picked up on it. I’d seen Joaquin acting bizarrely on chat shows before (I can’t remember if it was Leno or Conan, but I do remember one interview before all of this where he was clearly on something the entire time), but this is the interview everyone remembers. Part of that is because of Letterman’s hilarious closing line

Alain Delon is a recently released prisoner (wanted by a mobster whom he alleviated of some funds) who hears of a diamond heist gig from a prison guard, who offers to help arrange it. On the same day, dangerous felon Gian Maria Volonte escapes determined cop Andre Bourvil’s custody on a train, and eventually hops into the boot of Delon’s car. After Volonte helps him out of a tight squeeze involving some mob goons, Delon decides to tell Volonte of the heist, perhaps sensing a kindred spirit. Volonte for his turn, offers up the name of an ex-police sharpshooter turned hallucinating alcoholic (Yves Montand- suave and pathetic all at the same time), and once they find a suitable ‘fence’ the heist is on. Meanwhile, dogged Bourvil does his thing, confronting contacts and informants in the hopes of nabbing Volonte and co. Many consider this 1970 semi-noir heist flick (until recently seen mostly in a truncated form) from French writer-director Jean-Pierre Melville ( “Les Enfants Terr

Review: Eight Diagram Pole Fighter After a betrayal sees all but two members of the Yang family massacred (thanks to duplicitous Ku Ming and his Mongol allies), Son no. 5 (Gordon Liu) has gone AWOL, and Son no. 6 (Alexander Fu Sheng) returns home a tormented and deranged shadow of his former self. No. 5 has actually sought refuge with Buddhist monks, and despite the leader’s (Phillip Ko) suspicions that anger and ideas of revenge consume him, No. 5 is undeterred by the rejection, even painfully shaving his head at one point (really hard to watch, actually). Meanwhile, the Yang family’s matriarch and seven daughters receive word that No. 5 still lives (Johnny 5 is alive!... um...no, wait...wrong movie...sorry!), and so daughter No. 8 (Kara Hui Ting-hung) is sent to locate him. Perhaps the finest martial-arts epic of all-time (I said it, now deal!), this thematically interesting, and entertainingly violent 1983 Lau Kar-Leung ( “The 36 th Chamber of Shaolin” ) film for