Review: Blast


Terrorists (led by former soccer hooligan turned actor Vinnie Jones) posing as an environmentalist group hijack an oil rig with dastardly plans in mind. But they haven’t counted on (say it with me) one man- ex-fire-fighter turned tugboat captain (!) Eddie Griffin, who attempts to save the day when his boat is taken over by the baddies. Did I mention his adopted 10 year-old son is on board? Breckin Meyer plays a member of Jones’ gang who may or may not be an FBI agent, a snitch, a liar, or some combination of these. Viveca A. Fox is the FBI agent trying to contain the situation from land. Latina hottie Nadine Velazquez and requisite behemoth Tiny Lister Jr. are a couple of hench...persons. Shaggy also turns up, but you won’t see much of him. I think he was one of Griffin’s crew, I don’t remember, it was such a meaningless part anyway.


Everything about this 2004 action-thriller screams ‘Hack C-grade Rip-off’. It’s directed by Anthony Hickox, the man responsible for “Warlock II: The Armageddon”, “Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth”, and the “Waxwork” films, so you know you’re in C-grade territory already (And just what the hell is a mostly horror director doing on an action film anyway? Failing to be the next Renny Harlin. Think about that). And if it’s “Die Hard” on an oil rig plot sounds familiar- it should, it’s a rip off of “Under Siege” and “Die Hard”. And the screenplay was co-written by the one and only Steven E. de Souza, of “Die Hard”, “Die Hard 2”, and “Commando” fame. Add to that comedian Griffin attempting to portray a Wesley Snipes meets Steven Seagal action hero (who has adopted a young white kid- who thought Griffin was right for this character?), and you’ve got yourself a flat, thoroughly unoriginal film.


Griffin simply doesn’t work in the action man mould or even the comedic action man mould (were the entire male Wayans family members busy? Then how about Ice-T? Ice Cube? Icy Blu?), but Jones is an enjoyable baddie (despite not being terribly credible) and Meyer slips effortlessly into the role Griffin should’ve had- the weaselly comic relief guy. Fox, meanwhile, must’ve overdosed on the Botox, ‘coz I swear her facial muscles don’t move at all in her clichéd scenes, fixed on an expression of humourless disdain for the whole thing.


It occasionally arouses interest, mostly because the plot, old as it is, is still somewhat fun (especially with the hilarious notion of Greenpeace as terrorists!). But don’t bother, folks. You’ve seen it many times before, and usually better than this. The screenplay is by the aforementioned de Souza and Horst Freund (the latter’s contribution is curiously listed at IMDb as ‘teleplay’).


Rating: C

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