Review: Road Train


Youngsters on an outback camping trip (lovers Sophie Lowe and Bob Morley, and their squabbling friends Xavier Samuel and Georgina Haig) are run off the road by a huge truck, AKA a Road Train. In all of the chaos, Morley becomes badly injured, and so they decide to confront the truckie, who seems to have stopped. When they get there, the truck appears to be abandoned, however. The film only gets weirder from there, as the four protagonists soon realise that this is no ordinary truck, but a sinister, possibly supernatural entity that will proceed to mess with their minds. David Argue turns up as the nutjob truck driver.


I’m usually the guy lamenting the lack of Aussie genre movies out there and praising them when one comes along. But here’s one you can definitely skip. I guess not all of these Aussie genre films are going to be winners, but by all means, keep ‘em coming. This 2010 directorial debut from Dean Francis and writer Clive Hopkins tries to blend “Duel” (which of course was Steven Spielberg’s directorial debut) with something in-between a somewhat supernatural horror flick and a mind fuck flick, and the blend is not a smooth or satisfying one at all. It’s actually pretty dull, and that surprises me a bit because it has two of Australia’s most lauded up-and-coming talents (Xavier Samuel, Sophie Lowe) in addition to a former soapie heartthrob (Bob Morley). Then again, the most highly touted of the actors (Critic’s darling Lowe) for me is the weakest of the bunch, with Xavier Samuel easily the best of the lot, followed by Georgina Haig. Morley has a blokey charisma to him (and it wouldn’t surprise me if he becomes a star in the vein of a Vin Diesel or Keanu Reeves), but isn’t very well-served by the silly script. I think everyone just loves Lowe because she has a young Sissy Spacek look to her, she’s an OK actress at best. Oh well, at least this film answers the question of whatever happened to David Argue from “Razorback”. He’s here in an utterly worthless cameo with a not very convincing foreign accent.


It’s a good-looking film with great shot composition, but an overly familiar story, although at least it moves relatively swiftly in the setup (especially for a film that doesn’t really end up going very far). Director Francis works his butt off to ratchet up the tension, but to no avail. He’s fond of long tracking shots of the outside of the truck, but the truck in “Duel” was far scarier. I also didn’t appreciate the trippy, time-lapse stuff either, I’ve never been a fan of that sort of thing.


None of the characters are especially interesting (save for maybe Haig’s), and it comes off like a dull 70s/80s Ozploitation film (Especially those cheesy shots of red-eyed German Shepherds). I didn’t enjoy it much.


BTW, does anyone really use the term ‘Road Train’ to describe a truck? I’ve honestly never heard the term before in my life but apparently it’s a very Aussie term.



Rating: C

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Hellraiser (2022)

Recovering junkie Odessa A’zion accompanies scuzzy boyfriend Drew Starkey on a break-in where all they find is a weird puzzle box. A’zion later opens the box and after some weird shit happens, A’zion and Starkey figure it might be a good idea to learn more about this messed up trinket. Goran Visnjic plays a millionaire who possessed the box before our protagonist nicked it.   Is there any point in remaking/rebooting “Hellraiser” when the 1987 adaptation of Clive Barker’s original text was written and directed by Barker himself? And is considered a horror classic? On evidence here, absolutely not. Directed by David Bruckner ( “The Signal” ) and scripted by Ben Collins ( “The Night House” ) and Luke Piotrowski (ditto) this is an entirely tedious affair. I took a long time to get on board with the 1987 “Hellraiser” , I have to admit. It was wildly imaginative and original, like a nightmare transplanted on to film. However, the characters were stone cold and left me similarly chilly t
Read more

Review: Cinderella (1950)

The story of poor young Cinderella (voiced by Ilene Woods), treated as a servant by her nasty stepmother (voiced by Eleanor Audley), and dismissed by her thoroughly rotten, ugly stepsisters. Her only friends are a group of mice, who are forever being menaced by a cat named Lucifer (or as I call him, Grumpy Cheshire Cat). The King (hoping to find a wife for his charming son) is throwing a ball and every available young woman is invited to attend, and Cinderella is most excited to go. However, her stepmother and stepsisters do all they can to prevent this from happening. But with help from the mice and one fairy godmother (voiced by Verna Felton) later, and Cinderella looks set to attend the ball. You know the rest, folks.   Lovely 1950 Disney animated movie from directors Clyde Geronimi ( “Peter Pan” , “Lady and the Tramp” ), Wilfred Jackson ( “Fantasia” , “Alice in Wonderland” , “Peter Pan” ) & Hamilton Luske ( “Pinocchio” , “Fantasia” , “Peter Pan” ), that is a bit too s
Read more

Review: Eugenie de Sade

Eugenie (Soledad Miranda) makes a deathbed confession to author/biographer (Jesus ‘Jess’ Franco himself), recounting the tale of how her depraved stepfather (Paul Muller) groomed her into a life of depravity, debauchery, and murder.   Not to be confused with the similarly titled “Eugenie…The Story of Her Journey into Perversion” (by the same director) or “Justine de Sade” (which is not to be confused with Franco’s own “Justine” for that matter), this 1973 Marquis de Sade adaptation from writer-director Jesus Franco ( “99 Women” , “A Virgin Among the Living Dead” ) is perhaps the perfect marriage of Franco, sleazy material, and actors. Basically this is what Franco’s “She Killed in Ecstasy” might’ve been like if it were based on a Marquis de Sade work. There’s a few slow spots here and there, but overall I actually think this is Franco’s best film. Yes, even better than my previous choice “Vampyros Lesbos” , and better than his more ‘respectable’ films like “Count Dracula” (a
Read more