Review: Hellraiser (2022)

Recovering junkie Odessa A’zion accompanies scuzzy boyfriend Drew Starkey on a break-in where all they find is a weird puzzle box. A’zion later opens the box and after some weird shit happens, A’zion and Starkey figure it might be a good idea to learn more about this messed up trinket. Goran Visnjic plays a millionaire who possessed the box before our protagonist nicked it.

 

Is there any point in remaking/rebooting “Hellraiser” when the 1987 adaptation of Clive Barker’s original text was written and directed by Barker himself? And is considered a horror classic? On evidence here, absolutely not. Directed by David Bruckner (“The Signal”) and scripted by Ben Collins (“The Night House”) and Luke Piotrowski (ditto) this is an entirely tedious affair. I took a long time to get on board with the 1987 “Hellraiser”, I have to admit. It was wildly imaginative and original, like a nightmare transplanted on to film. However, the characters were stone cold and left me similarly chilly throughout. I couldn’t quite find my way in for many years after several watches. Eventually though, I came to genuinely admire the film for its strengths, if not thoroughly enjoy the film due to its cold centre. I’m at peace with it being a well-made and interesting film, if not a terribly inviting one. This one though? Nothing works. Not a goddamn thing. We get the Lament Configuration and a bunch of boring, unlikeable humans…but none of the unique imagery, style and sadistic creepiness of the original. It’s boring, dreary, and goes absolutely nowhere of interest.

 

It’s a cool prop and I’d like to own a replica of it, but this film is far too interested in the Lament Configuration. The kinky puzzle box is less interesting here than in any previous “Hellraiser” film. Even the film’s Cenobites suck. The non-Pinhead ones look like S&M “Star Wars” aliens, utterly ridiculous and completely unterrifying. As for our new female Pinhead (referred to as The Priest here), Jamie Clayton is boring and looks fake. Having said that, Pinhead was a bit boring after the second film anyway, he just looked awesome. The film is quite violent, but not in any interesting way. The film really only offers three things: Largely indecipherable whispering, the Lament Configuration, and people being torn apart. At least the original had a really interesting, distinct visual style going for it.

 

Although not as godawful as “Hellraiser: Inferno”, this re-do is pretty poor. Truth be told, any of the films past the first one are woefully inferior. This one’s a real slog and completely unnecessary.

 

Rating: D

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Boyka: Undisputed

Yuri Boyka (Scott Adkins) is out of prison and fighting for a living, with ambitions for the ‘Most Complete Fighter’ to make a real name for himself. However, after an opponent dies during a fight, the deeply religious Boyka starts to have a crisis of conscience. He tries to make amends with the man’s widow, which eventually pits him against a local gangster (Alon Moni Aboutboul, quite good). Anything with Scott Adkins will generally get me interested, and although this series peaked with the superlative “Undisputed II: Last Man Standing” , this 2017 film from director Todor Chapkanov (director of the SyFy movies “Copperhead” and “Ghost Town” ) is no slouch in a series yet to deliver anything less than solid entertainment. Producer Isaac Florentine is missed in the director’s chair, but Chapkanov gives us at the very least the series’ most dramatically ambitious entry, as Adkins’ ‘most complete fighter’ Yuri Boyka continues on his journey to redemption here. In this one, the
Read more

Review: Ninja 2: Shadow of a Tear

Scott Adkins is once again Casey, an American proponent of the martial art of Ninjutsu. When Casey’s pregnant Japanese wife (Mika Hijii) is rubbed out, he’s on a vengeance mission to find her killers. A friendly face, Nakabara (Kane Kosugi) turns up at the funeral, and suggests Casey come to Thailand to deal with his grief in another country. Casey initially declines, but eventually takes Nakabara up on his offer. However, his wife’s murder still haunts Casey, and with intel supplied by Nakabara, the trail eventually leads Casey to a brutal drug baron named Goro (Shun Sugata).   I was extremely disappointed with the first “Ninja” , but had heard that this 2013 sequel from director Isaac Florentine ( “Undisputed II: Last Man Standing” , “Undisputed III: Redemption” , “Ninja” ) was a damn near masterpiece of the martial-arts action movie genre. Having now finally gotten my hot little hands on it, I’d say the hype is a bit much, but this is unquestionably a much better film than the f
Read more