Review: Flash Gordon

Big screen adventure for the famed Alex Raymond comic book creation, starring Sam J. Jones in the title role. Flash is the quarterback for the New York Jets, who is on a plane with pretty Dale Arden (Melody Anderson) when they start to notice the sky is all kinds of crazy, and their plane eventually crashes. They land in the midst of the laboratory of Dr. Zarkov (Topol!), a crazy scientist who coerces them into joining him in his rocket ship. They land on the planet Mongo, overseen by Ming the Merciless (Max von Sydow), the evil ruler of the universe. Ming promptly plans to execute Flash, marry Dale and add her to his harem, and relieve Zarkov of his brilliant brain power. However, a hitch in those plans may come from Ming’s daughter Princess Aura (Ornella Muti), who has amorous designs on Flash herself. Brian Blessed turns up as King Vultan, leader of the Viking-like winged Hawk Men, and Timothy Dalton plays Prince Barin, this film’s Lando Calrissian, of-sorts. Peter Wyngarde plays the masked sadist Klytus, Ming’s henchman, who has strong desires for Princess Aura. Richard O’Brien turns up in a small role as one of Prince Barin’s men.

 

While I can hardly give this 1980 Mike Hodges (the original “Get Carter”, “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”) space adventure a glowing recommendation, it’s hard not to enjoy some of its charms. Yes it’s high camp, yes the production values are more “Barbarella” than “Star Wars” (and believe me, I love “Barbarella”- more than this film certainly), and yes Melody Anderson is pretty terrible as Dale Arden. All true. Hell, even leading man Sam J. Jones is a bit stiff and forgettable. But from the very moment that Queen’s iconic and frankly just plain brilliant title theme kicks in…it’s hard to resist. Just don’t try to convince anyone that it’s a good movie. We all know what this is.

 

Truth be told, I’m probably being a tad harsh on Ms. Anderson, the dialogue handed to her by screenwriter Lorenzo Semple Jr. (“Pretty Poison”, “Never Say Never Again”, “Sheena: Queen of the Jungle”) is pitiful. I mean, it’s hilarious (especially when you hear it in the Queen title song) when Arden cries ‘Flash! I love you! But we only have 14 hours to save the Earth!’ But come on, there’s just not much the poor girl can do with such lines. Meryl Streep couldn’t sell this stuff much better. While, I think the sets and costumes by Danilo Donati (“Fellini Satyricon”, the Oscar-winning costumes for Zeffirelli’s “Romeo and Juliet”) are quite good in a campy “Barbarella” way, the blue screen work here is horrid. Given that 1980 was the year of “The Empire Strikes Back”, such shoddy work just isn’t acceptable. This more than anything brings the film down a peg, and certainly reminds you that Dino De Laurentiis (“Barbarella”, “King Kong”, “Mandingo”, “Dune”, “Conan the Destroyer”) is the producer here. Sure, I get that the film is striving to be like the cheesy serials of “Flash Gordon” and “Buck Rogers” that inspired “Star Wars”, I’m just saying that I personally prefer the upgraded model of the “Star Wars” trilogy, to this deliberately retro tribute.

 

Thankfully, there’s still a lot to like here. For starters, it gets off and running very quickly and rarely slows down. Pacing is an underrated thing in cinema I think, and keeping this one at a good clip is definitely to its advantage. You might not have enough time to notice all of the flaws. The Queen soundtrack is so impressive it practically demands a better film worthy of its awesomeness. True, Queen are among my 10 favourite bands, so I’m biased, but if there’s one band who can provide a rock score for a space adventure film and not have it seem jarring, it’s Queen. That’s because Freddie and the boys were always camp, over-the-top, and at times very operatic and grand. This is a pop-rock score on freakin’ steroids and wearing stilettos just because Freddie damn well can. Whilst the leads might be a bit underwhelming, the supporting cast definitely picks up some of the slack. Max von Sydow is the perfect Ming the Merciless. Immediately perfect, as he brings a sly, almost evil sensuality to the part, which is interesting. Peter Wyngarde is also good as Ming’s Skeletor-looking number two, if underused. His dry delivery of dialogue is a malevolent highlight. The booming voice (oft-parodied) of Brian Blessed turns the scenery into a freakin’ buffet with his wonderfully loud, boisterous and frankly quite silly performance as the leader of the Viking-esque Hawk Men. Blessed is capable of subtlety, but why be subtle when you can ham up a storm and shout a lot? The man is having a whale of a time, and so will you every time he’s on screen. Topol, as Dr. Zarkov easily acts circles around Anderson and Jones. Timothy Dalton is merely OK as the Errol Flynn-gone-rogue Prince Barin, and Ornella Muti is pretty but not much better an actress than Anderson. I never quite understood the appeal of her. There’s plenty of prettier actresses who have far greater talents than she (albeit none of them in this film). Her character is a bit more interesting than that of Dale Arden, however. The talented Richard O’Brien, meanwhile, is poorly wasted in a nothing part. In a film full of outlandish characters, you’d think Riff Raff would play one of them, but he barely has a character at all.

 

In addition to the awesome Queen soundtrack, they also compose the music score itself and do a bang-up job of it I must say. The soundtrack may be rock opera, but the score is a mixture of 60s era historical epic and rock opera/synth. It’s awesome. Far less awesome, and frankly regrettable is the scene where Flash crash-tackles Ming’s guards. We get it, he’s a gridiron player, but it’s sooooo stupid. Yes, even for this film.

 

This is definitely a gaudy, colourful, and campy film. Dumb fun is the best way to describe it. It’s not a bad movie, not even close. This is pretty much the movie all concerned wanted to make. But it’s not exactly a good movie either. Killer soundtrack, though, one of the best of all-time, and you’ll never…ever get it out of your head. Flash! Ah-ah! 

 

Rating: C+