Review: Return From Witch Mountain


In this follow-up, humanoid aliens Tia (Kim Richards) and Tony (Ike Eisenmann) come back to Earth for a holiday (cue the cameo by Denver Pyle, presumably in the midst of filming “The Dukes of Hazzard”). Tony’s special powers are witnessed by sinister scientist Christopher Lee, who kidnaps the boy to use for nefarious means. Along with his financial backer Bette Davis, Lee has been experimenting with mind control. However, when they see young Tony, Davis sees the potential for pulling complicated heists, whilst Lee has larger schemes in mind (no pun intended). Meanwhile, Tia is left to herself, eventually falling in with a bunch of young kids (one of whom played by something called Poindexter Yothers, apparently the brother of “Family Ties” actress Tina) hiding out from the local truant officer (Jack Soo). Anthony James (from “In the Heat of the Night”) plays Davis’ lunkhead nephew early on.

 

A diminished return to say the least. This 1978 follow-up to the enjoyable Disney TV movie “Escape to Witch Mountain” is truly the pits. Directed once again by John Hough (“The Legend of Hell House”, “Brass Target”), but this time scripted by Malcolm Marmorstein (the uneven “Pete’s Dragon”) the story is a loser. Whereas in the earlier film it was enjoyably wacky and kept you on your toes with outlandish ideas, this one gives us Christopher Lee and Bette Davis trying to use mind control on young Ike Eisenmann (who seemingly turned into a human Chucky doll by 1978). Unfortunately, they don’t even find any creative or interesting ways in which to use the young boy’s powers. Meanwhile Kim Richards hangs out with the white Cosby Kids (minus a white Fat Albert) as they try to avoid sad sack truant officer Jack Soo.

 

It sucks. It really does, and neither a wheezy, tired-sounding Bette Davis nor the usually classy Christopher Lee cover themselves in glory here. It’s particularly a travesty wrapped in a shame to see what Davis had become by this point. Lee can usually be counted upon to class up a stinker with a committed performance under trying circumstances (“The Howling II: Stirba, Werewolf Bitch” and “Police Academy VII: Mission to Moscow” spring to mind), but here’s the one time he gives the bare minimum. I don’t blame him, to be honest, as the script gives him nothing worth giving a damn about. It might be the only dud performance of his entire long career. As for Jack Soo, the poor guy (in his last film role, no less) is saddled with an idiotic role of a truant officer driving a big green van with ‘Board of Education’ written on it. Is he a fucking dog catcher? Where is his big ‘ol net, then? It’s ridiculous. The only thing about the entire film that works is the unsubtle (and very much of its time) but enjoyable Lalo Schifrin (“The Cincinnati Kid”, “Cool Hand Luke”, “Bullitt”) music score. Otherwise, this disappointing sequel depressed the hell out of me. And what was with the random “Psycho” visual cue of Lee standing in the foreground with a stuffed and mounted bird above and to the left of him? There’s no real reason to do that in something like this.

 

With a plot as old as the hills, two child stars no longer as cute as they used to be, and two veteran actors having a very bad day, this is no fun at all. A horribly disappointing, distressingly unimaginative follow-up to what was quite an imaginative film. It’s only 90 minutes long but it feels interminable.

 

Rating: D

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Hellraiser (2022)

Recovering junkie Odessa A’zion accompanies scuzzy boyfriend Drew Starkey on a break-in where all they find is a weird puzzle box. A’zion later opens the box and after some weird shit happens, A’zion and Starkey figure it might be a good idea to learn more about this messed up trinket. Goran Visnjic plays a millionaire who possessed the box before our protagonist nicked it.   Is there any point in remaking/rebooting “Hellraiser” when the 1987 adaptation of Clive Barker’s original text was written and directed by Barker himself? And is considered a horror classic? On evidence here, absolutely not. Directed by David Bruckner ( “The Signal” ) and scripted by Ben Collins ( “The Night House” ) and Luke Piotrowski (ditto) this is an entirely tedious affair. I took a long time to get on board with the 1987 “Hellraiser” , I have to admit. It was wildly imaginative and original, like a nightmare transplanted on to film. However, the characters were stone cold and left me similarly chilly t
Read more

Review: Boyka: Undisputed

Yuri Boyka (Scott Adkins) is out of prison and fighting for a living, with ambitions for the ‘Most Complete Fighter’ to make a real name for himself. However, after an opponent dies during a fight, the deeply religious Boyka starts to have a crisis of conscience. He tries to make amends with the man’s widow, which eventually pits him against a local gangster (Alon Moni Aboutboul, quite good). Anything with Scott Adkins will generally get me interested, and although this series peaked with the superlative “Undisputed II: Last Man Standing” , this 2017 film from director Todor Chapkanov (director of the SyFy movies “Copperhead” and “Ghost Town” ) is no slouch in a series yet to deliver anything less than solid entertainment. Producer Isaac Florentine is missed in the director’s chair, but Chapkanov gives us at the very least the series’ most dramatically ambitious entry, as Adkins’ ‘most complete fighter’ Yuri Boyka continues on his journey to redemption here. In this one, the
Read more

Review: Ninja 2: Shadow of a Tear

Scott Adkins is once again Casey, an American proponent of the martial art of Ninjutsu. When Casey’s pregnant Japanese wife (Mika Hijii) is rubbed out, he’s on a vengeance mission to find her killers. A friendly face, Nakabara (Kane Kosugi) turns up at the funeral, and suggests Casey come to Thailand to deal with his grief in another country. Casey initially declines, but eventually takes Nakabara up on his offer. However, his wife’s murder still haunts Casey, and with intel supplied by Nakabara, the trail eventually leads Casey to a brutal drug baron named Goro (Shun Sugata).   I was extremely disappointed with the first “Ninja” , but had heard that this 2013 sequel from director Isaac Florentine ( “Undisputed II: Last Man Standing” , “Undisputed III: Redemption” , “Ninja” ) was a damn near masterpiece of the martial-arts action movie genre. Having now finally gotten my hot little hands on it, I’d say the hype is a bit much, but this is unquestionably a much better film than the f
Read more