Review: Welcome to the Jungle (2014)


The head (Dennis Haysbert) of an advertising firm hires a motivational speaker and all-round badass of mysterious origin and qualifications named Storm Rothschild (Jean-Claude Van Damme!) to help motivate his employees. This somehow involves taking them to a remote jungle location for some man vs. nature-style team bonding that totally won’t go wrong and lead to a “Lord of the Flies”-style regression of their more humane qualities back to baser, animalistic instincts. Their pilot dies, Storm goes MIA (and possibly dead) after an attack from a tiger, and now they’re pretty much stranded and fucked. Before long, resident arsehole Rob Huebel somehow (read: drug-related bribes) becomes a deity as everyone starts to lose their minds, have orgies, and pretty much kill/eat each other. Adam Brody plays a somewhat spineless but well-meaning guy who along with the office ice-queen-who-is-actually-quite-nice (Megan Boone) and wimpy Kristen Schaal, tries to get everyone else to stop the madness and work together so that they can somehow find a way to get off the island. Kristopher Van Varenberg and Bianca Bree turn up as a couple of the other stranded employees.

 

No, not the film otherwise known as “The Rundown”, but a 2014 survival comedy from director Rob Meltzer (whose only previous feature-length film was something called “A Jewish Christmas Story”) and screenwriter Jeff Kauffmann (whose only other writing credited is one episode of TV’s “American Dad”) that gives you the lighter side of a surprisingly comedically adept Jean-Claude Van Damme. Unfortunately, he’s pretty much the only funny thing in this otherwise lame film that tries for a mix of “Office Space” and “Lord of the Flies” parody.

 

I wouldn’t call Van Damme a natural comedian per se, but he gives it his best shot, looks to be having a blast, and is a lot better than you’d probably expect. The only laughs in the film come from his character, whether it’s setting up a ridiculous amount of explosives to break everybody in, or a very funny encounter with a tiger. His subsequent appearance is even funnier, as is his list of three ‘wars’ he has fought in. Perhaps best of all, the guy looks in great shape and in good spirits. That can only mean good things if you ask me. The film suffers in the scenes he’s not in, which sadly are quite a few. When he’s on screen, the film shows promise that it could’ve been a lot more than it ultimately is. By the way, his son Kristopher and daughter Bianca appear in small roles, with the former being one of eleventy billion producers on the thing. Former teen TV drama ‘hunky nerd’ Adam Brody makes for an OK Steve Guttenberg-type, but the rest are a wash, including an overexposed Rob Huebel, one-note baby-voiced comedienne Kristen Schaal, and a thoroughly wasted Dennis Haysbert in a glorified cameo.

 

The basic idea actually could’ve produced something funny or at least interesting, but here it’s mostly tired and obvious. I won’t deny there’s a few amusing moments in this lame comedy, especially when a game Jean-Claude Van Damme is around, but for the most part this is pretty tired, unfunny and clichéd. It’s just not very good. 

 

Rating: C

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