Review: Race to Witch Mountain


Vegas cabbie and ex-con Dwayne Johnson has two oddball kids (AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig) enter his cab. Except, they’re not actually kids, they’re aliens with special powers who need Johnson to drive them, and they will pay him handsomely for the long journey. On their tail, though, are humourless government spook Ciaran Hinds (perfectly cast) and his goons (Tom Everett Scott and Christopher Marquette). Carla Gugino plays an astrophysicist who is currently visiting a sci-fi convention (!), while Garry Marshall turns up as a UFO conspiracy nut.


The original “Escape to Witch Mountain” was one of Disney’s best pre-1980 non-animated family films, in my opinion. The follow-up “Return From Witch Mountain” was…not. Now there’s this 2009 film from Andy Fickman (“The Game Plan”, “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2”), which although credited as being a remake of “Escape”, is pretty different. The results are somewhere in between the two previous films, but thankfully much closer in quality to “Escape”. It’s not as good as that film, but it’s harmless enough.


It’s good-looking, fast-paced, and Carla Gugino is perfectly lovely as always. Although the role of ‘rational guy in a crazy irrational situation’ isn’t the best use of Dwayne Johnson, he’s fine too. He looks a little like this is just a pay-check assignment for him, though, and a guy with as much money as The Rock presumably had even before moving into acting, probably shouldn’t be relying on pay-check assignments. As for the kids, AnnaSophia Robb is vastly superior to the rather forced Alexander Ludwig. It’s nice to see the stars of the original films Kim Richards and Ike (now Iake, yes that’s Iake with a capital I not a lowercase L) Eisenmann in cameos, too. It’s a complete and utter waste of Cheech Marin as a mechanic, though. He’s not remotely funny or interesting. Also, can someone please explain to me why Tom Everett Scott never happened? I truly don’t understand that one, and both he and Chris Marquette are thoroughly wasted here in useless roles.


Keeping this film on the move was a wise decision, because it’s otherwise just OK family fare at best. Kids will probably enjoy it, though probably not the littlest ones, given that Dwayne Johnson smashes a guy’s head through a car window at one point. That one even surprised me. The screenplay is by Matt Lopez (the surprisingly nice Adam Sandler film “Bedtime Stories”) and Mark Bomback (“Die Hard 4.0”, “Unstoppable”, “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”).


Rating: C+

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Hellraiser (2022)

Recovering junkie Odessa A’zion accompanies scuzzy boyfriend Drew Starkey on a break-in where all they find is a weird puzzle box. A’zion later opens the box and after some weird shit happens, A’zion and Starkey figure it might be a good idea to learn more about this messed up trinket. Goran Visnjic plays a millionaire who possessed the box before our protagonist nicked it.   Is there any point in remaking/rebooting “Hellraiser” when the 1987 adaptation of Clive Barker’s original text was written and directed by Barker himself? And is considered a horror classic? On evidence here, absolutely not. Directed by David Bruckner ( “The Signal” ) and scripted by Ben Collins ( “The Night House” ) and Luke Piotrowski (ditto) this is an entirely tedious affair. I took a long time to get on board with the 1987 “Hellraiser” , I have to admit. It was wildly imaginative and original, like a nightmare transplanted on to film. However, the characters were stone cold and left me similarly chilly t
Read more

Review: Cinderella (1950)

The story of poor young Cinderella (voiced by Ilene Woods), treated as a servant by her nasty stepmother (voiced by Eleanor Audley), and dismissed by her thoroughly rotten, ugly stepsisters. Her only friends are a group of mice, who are forever being menaced by a cat named Lucifer (or as I call him, Grumpy Cheshire Cat). The King (hoping to find a wife for his charming son) is throwing a ball and every available young woman is invited to attend, and Cinderella is most excited to go. However, her stepmother and stepsisters do all they can to prevent this from happening. But with help from the mice and one fairy godmother (voiced by Verna Felton) later, and Cinderella looks set to attend the ball. You know the rest, folks.   Lovely 1950 Disney animated movie from directors Clyde Geronimi ( “Peter Pan” , “Lady and the Tramp” ), Wilfred Jackson ( “Fantasia” , “Alice in Wonderland” , “Peter Pan” ) & Hamilton Luske ( “Pinocchio” , “Fantasia” , “Peter Pan” ), that is a bit too s
Read more

Review: Eugenie de Sade

Eugenie (Soledad Miranda) makes a deathbed confession to author/biographer (Jesus ‘Jess’ Franco himself), recounting the tale of how her depraved stepfather (Paul Muller) groomed her into a life of depravity, debauchery, and murder.   Not to be confused with the similarly titled “Eugenie…The Story of Her Journey into Perversion” (by the same director) or “Justine de Sade” (which is not to be confused with Franco’s own “Justine” for that matter), this 1973 Marquis de Sade adaptation from writer-director Jesus Franco ( “99 Women” , “A Virgin Among the Living Dead” ) is perhaps the perfect marriage of Franco, sleazy material, and actors. Basically this is what Franco’s “She Killed in Ecstasy” might’ve been like if it were based on a Marquis de Sade work. There’s a few slow spots here and there, but overall I actually think this is Franco’s best film. Yes, even better than my previous choice “Vampyros Lesbos” , and better than his more ‘respectable’ films like “Count Dracula” (a
Read more