Shameless Self Expression

Crash-landing on a planet housing a penal colony, Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) finds that her companions from the previous film are no more. Shaving her head to prevent the spread of lice, she is now the unwanted guest among a group of hardened murderers, rapists and creeps who have all apparently found religion but have zero tolerance for a woman staying with them. They’re gonna have to put that aside though, because Ripley has unwittingly brought another guest with her…a guest of the slimy, teeth-gnashing, killing machine variety. The problem? There’s no weapons around. Whoopsy, that’s a bit of a pickle when you’re dealing with an alien that is basically a single-minded killing machine. Charles Dance plays a former doctor turned inmate, whilst other prisoners are played by the likes of Danny Webb, Pete Postlethwaite, and Paul McGann. Brian Glover and Ralph Brown play respectively, the warden and the brown-nosing Mr. Aaron, who is a bit short of brains. I had a pretty memor...

Oakes Fegley plays Pete, who becomes orphaned after his parents die in a car crash. He finds himself out in the woods all alone and about to be wolf dinner until he is rescued by a green dragon. The gentle creature who has the ability to make himself invisible becomes the boy’s friend, with Pete naming the dragon Elliott. Six years later, park ranger Bryce Dallas Howard and her step-daughter Oona Laurence discover the boy and along with her fiancé Wes Bentley (a logging manager and Laurence’s father), they take Pete in. Pete also meets Howard’s father Robert Redford, who claims to have seen a dragon long ago himself. Meanwhile, Bentley’s sour logger brother Karl Urban swears he saw   Elliott and is determined to track the dragon down. The original “Pete’s Dragon” was yet another attempt by Disney to mix live-action and traditional cell animation, after “Mary Poppins” and the extremely underrated “Bedknobs and Broomsticks” . It wasn’t a good movie, but the only real proble...

Sly Stallone once again essays the grizzled, tortured war veteran who in this film has become surly, monosyllabic, and aimless, a heavy-drinking loner barely getting by in Thailand by catching snakes as a sideshow attraction. He’s approached by goody-goody Christian missionaries Julie Benz and Paul Schulze to take them up river to Myanmar (formerly Burma). He’s seriously reluctant to do so (‘Why bother?’ seems to be his primary reason), but Benz puts the charm to him and he seriously reluctantly agrees. Schulze (best known for playing an A-hole on TV’s “24” ), meanwhile, disapproves of Rambo’s violent tendencies, and thinks it’s a bad idea to have him guide them. And of course, as soon as Rambo’s services are completed, our Bible-bashing do-gooder idiots get themselves captured by local militant extremists. So, the notoriously battle-scarred veteran must guide a team of mercenaries (led by the likeably macho Graham McTavish) to where the Flanders clan (sorry, couldn’t resist!) are be...

All-American family’s idyllic existence (I mean, the family does include Kelly Preston for crying out loud) is rocked when Kevin Bacon’s kid (a promising young hockey player, of course) is murdered by a gang banger (Matthew O’Leary) during a gang initiation (these guys are all shaved-heads and tattoos, but aren’t skinheads, and are in fact, multi-racial). He’s arrested but rather than see him get scant jail time, Bacon would rather let him go (despite positively identifying him in a line-up), so he can dish out his own coldly-served form of revenge. Shave your head, pack some heat, it’s vigilante time! But can Bacon do what he must without losing great big chunks of himself? And has he opened up a whole can of worms that will only make matters worse for he and his beloved family? Preston plays Bacon’s increasingly worried wife, Aisha Tyler’s a cop who suspects Bacon of trying to solve things on his own, Garrett Hedlund plays the scummy ringleader, Aussie Leigh Whannell plays one of t...

Rival swordsmen in Imperial China (Ti Lung and Lo Lieh) put aside their differences temporarily to head for the location of the title super-weapon, and keep it from those who wish to do evil with it. Chief among the evildoers is the mysterious Master Yu, who sends a plethora of assassins at our protagonists. Chances are, if you loved “Big Trouble in Little China” or Gordon Liu’s character from “Kill Bill vol. 2” , then you’ll get much pleasure from this highly entertaining, colourful 1976 Hong Kong offering (with several western influences evident) from the renowned Shaw Brothers and directed by Chu Yuan (whose brother is infamous martial arts choreographer Yuen Woo-Ping). It’s certainly never dull. Ha Ping is hilarious as the evil ‘Devil Grandma’ (don’t ask), I also loved the wuxia-flavoured chess game (once again, don’t ask, just see for yourself), and even the opening fight between the two protagonists is exciting stuff. There’s also a fair bit of violence, and hey, even a ...

Computer security wiz for a major bank (Harrison Ford) and his far too young family (Virginia Madsen, Carly Schroeder, and Jimmy Bennett) are targeted by nasty (but ever-so dapper) Paul Bettany and his equally revolting crew who want Ford to rob his bank of $100 million, or else wifey, kiddies, and the oh-so cute puppy will go bye-bye, permanently. Oh, and they seem to be very well-equipped technologically to quash every hero attempt Ford could possibly make, every call for help. Robert Forster is Ford’s ex-cop buddy, and Mary Lynn Rajskub essentially does her frowny-face, nerdy thing from “24” as Ford’s secretary. Alan Arkin and Robert Patrick make mere extended cameos as Ford’s old boss and his arrogant, antagonistic new boss (Ford’s company is merging with another). A seriously miscast Harrison Ford isn’t the only fishy thing about this clichéd 2006 Richard Loncraine ( “Wimbledon” and “Richard III” !) thriller. In fact, if it weren’t for a good (but mostly wasted) support...

School is nearing its end, and somewhat average Emile Hirsch (who seemed a star on the rise here) has come to a realisation I myself came to nearing the end of my own studies; Trying to list a ‘memorable moment’, he draws a blank. Then, out of nowhere, a new neighbour moves in next door. She’s blonde hottie Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert- Where the hell is she now?), and Hirsch is caught perving on her undressing. Next thing, she’s showing up at his door, and soon telling him that it’s her turn to see him naked. None of this ever happened to me , I might add. Humiliation ensues, of course, but then Hirsch’s nerdy buddies Chris Marquette and Paul Dano uncover something about Danielle’s past…she’s a porn star! They demand that he absolutely must get her in the sack, meanwhile Danielle, actually not a bad person at all, seems to have found herself a nice safe haven and a ‘normal’ life. Then her wild-eyed, unpredictable producer ex-boyfriend Kelly (Timothy Olyphant) shows up, and everything ...

The story of former CIA/NSA analyst Edward Snowden (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who tells his story to some journos (played by Zachary Quinto, Melissa Leo, and Tom Wilkinson) and flashes back to important moments in his life between 2004-2013. We see his military training with the Marines, his recruitment by CIA boss Corbin O’Brian (Rhys Ifans), his relationship with girlfriend Lindsay (Shailene Woodley), and his growing discomfort with the surveillance tactics used by the CIA and NSA that he feels compelled to leak to the public at large. Timothy Olyphant and Nic Cage play a CIA agent and one of Snowden’s mentors in the agency, respectively. If you genuinely are invested in the issues at hand or if are in the tank for Edward Snowden as director Oliver Stone ( “Platoon” , “JFK” ) and his co-writer Kieran Fitzgerald (who previously scripted Tommy Lee Jones’ “The Homesman” )   appear to be, you may be utterly fascinated and impressed by this 2016 biopic. I’m not and was not. Play...

Alain Moussi is Kurt Sloane, whose brother Eric (the late Darren Shahlavi) is killed in a Muay Thai fight by the fearsome, god-like Tong Po (David ‘Batista’ Bautista), champion of underground fights held at the latter’s temple/training compound in Thailand. Enraged, Kurt attempts to kill Tong Po in his sleep, but his assassination attempt is thwarted and he is kicked off the premises. Trying a different tact, Kurt decides to approach his brother’s trainer, Master Durand (Jean-Claude Van Damme) in the hopes of getting him to train him so that he can defeat Tong Po in a fight to the death. Durand reasons that he doesn’t want to train another person to get killed by Tong Po, but eventually reluctantly agrees when he sees the kid is adamant. Meanwhile, Kurt develops a relationship with a local cop (Sara Malakul Lane) investigating the underground fight scene. Georges St. Pierre plays a fighter/doorman at the compound who may or may not be trustworthy, Gina Carano is a shonky fight promot...

Set in the late 1930s, test pilot Bill Campbell comes into possession of a jet pack that is sought after by evil, swashbuckling movie star Neville Sinclair (Timothy Dalton) and the mobsters he’s in league with (led by Paul Sorvino), as well as Howard Hughes himself (played by Terry O’Quinn), who is working with the FBI, and who is the original owner of the rocket pack. Campbell, aided by his mechanic buddy Peevy (Alan Arkin) give the gizmo a test run. After a few joy rides, the press have gotten wind of this and dub Campbell ‘The Rocketeer’, alerting the attention of the baddies. When Campbell’s actress girlfriend (Jennifer Connelly) gets mixed up with rapscallion Sinclair, The Rocketeer must fly into action. Tiny Ron turns up as an ugly, hulking henchman, and Ed Lauter is an FBI guy. This 1991 Disney superhero effort from Joe Johnston ( “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” , “Jumanji” ) is the kind of likeable, cornball, Saturday matinee stuff that would remind the adults of 1991 of the...

Ryan Gosling plays a smart, idealistic young high school history teacher who is also addicted to crack, something one of his students (Shareeka Epps) discovers when she walks in on him, strung-out in the toilets one day. She has her own problems associating with dealer Anthony Mackie, for whom Epps’ brother took the rap and is currently serving time. Whilst he’s teaching the class about opposing forces that collide to form a change, he’s fighting over Epps (whom he develops an unusual friendship with) with Mackie, whom we just know has seedy plans for her. But is the troubled Gosling, teacher or not, someone Epps should be protected by or from ? Ugly-looking but well-acted 2006 Ryan Fleck (his debut) film kept me interested longer than a film about a drug addict normally would. Gosling’s excellent performance is the primary reason for this (and I’ve not always been a fan), but I also had a teacher in High School who was a bit like him, a fairly cool guy who related well to his ...

Japan is besieged by disaster believed by the PM to be the result of an underwater volcano, and the Government heads gather to debate an appropriate and hopefully swift response. And that’s when the bombshell is dropped: This isn’t any of the usual natural disasters, but the destruction caused by a radioactive giant lizard, something that nerdy Deputy Chief Cabinet Secretary Hiroki Hasegawa was laughed at for initially suggesting. Apparently the Americans have known about the possibility of the creature’s existence for quite some time, and a special envoy is sent from America to help out. She’s Ann Patterson (Satomi Ishihara) Japanese-American daughter of a U.S. Senator. Anyhoo, the creature (dubbed ‘Godzilla’ by the Americans) keeps mutating and growing in size, breathing fire and shooting lasers from its eyes. And yet the politicians keep dithering. Japan is fucked, y’all. Aside from the 1954 original “Gojira” and the classic all-star monster mash “Destroy All Monsters!” I ...

Set in a bizarro 1878 blend of steampunk and literary character names, medical student Dr. John Watson is hired/blackmailed by the British government to locate ‘Victor’s notes’, the lost diary of Victor Frankenstein. His employer of course is named ‘M’, and M’s secretary is named Moneypenny. Of course. Dr. Watson himself is an avid admirer of Dr. Frankenstein and has been secretly working on the resurrection of dead tissue, culminating in the revival of his best friend (and possible lover, if you want to read into things a bit too much than likely intended) Friday to become his faithful manservant and bodyguard. Accompanied by a British soldier named Burnaby, they are to venture to Afghanistan to follow up on a potential lead as to the whereabouts of ‘Victor’s notes’. They are to locate a man named Alexei Karamazov (!), a Russian scientist (!!). Other involved characters are named Ulysses S. Grant and Thomas Edison, because why the hell not? Pretty much what you’d expect a Japa...

In a world devoid of humans, arrogant racing car Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson) has an automobile accident on his way to a big tournament that sees him stranded in a dead-end town called Radiator Springs. He’s arrested for a traffic offence and judge Doc Hudson (voiced by Paul Newman, a long-time racing fan and driver in real-life) sentences him to repair a stretch of road. Doc also happens to be a former racing champion himself. Bonnie Hunt voices Sally, a Porsche and local motel owner who slowly starts to find some charm in McQueen. Paul Dooley voices a jeep named Sarge, George Carlin is a hippie VW, and John Ratzenberger has his moments voicing a neglectful big rig in charge of transporting McQueen. AKA: “Doc Hollywood” meets “Wacky Racers” . This 2006 John Lasseter film for Pixar should’ve been a cracker, even for non-revheads like me. The animation is superlative, and hey, any film with the voices of Paul Newman, Michael Keaton, and Paul Dooley is not to be sne...

Alex Gibney is a talented documentary filmmaker who has made some terrific films (Especially “Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God” and “Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief” ), but the subject matter he deals with in this 2013 film has never and will never interest me in the slightest. I think both sides of the WikiLeaks/Julian Assange debate over-egg things to be perfectly honest, not to mention that those on the Right who were initially anti-Assange now love the guy because he helped derail Hillary Clinton’s bid for Presidency, which just makes me roll my eyes. I also just find the whole thing rather tedious, much the same feeling I have about the Edward Snowden story. If pressed I’d probably fall on the side of being anti-WikiLeaks as I think there is at least a potential danger or recklessness in what WikiLeaks does. I also think Assange is a preening, egotistical anarchist and a complete tit of a human being (Though I think the rape case against him was b...