Review: The Girl Next Door


School is nearing its end, and somewhat average Emile Hirsch (who seemed a star on the rise here) has come to a realisation I myself came to nearing the end of my own studies; Trying to list a ‘memorable moment’, he draws a blank. Then, out of nowhere, a new neighbour moves in next door. She’s blonde hottie Danielle (Elisha Cuthbert- Where the hell is she now?), and Hirsch is caught perving on her undressing. Next thing, she’s showing up at his door, and soon telling him that it’s her turn to see him naked. None of this ever happened to me, I might add. Humiliation ensues, of course, but then Hirsch’s nerdy buddies Chris Marquette and Paul Dano uncover something about Danielle’s past…she’s a porn star! They demand that he absolutely must get her in the sack, meanwhile Danielle, actually not a bad person at all, seems to have found herself a nice safe haven and a ‘normal’ life. Then her wild-eyed, unpredictable producer ex-boyfriend Kelly (Timothy Olyphant) shows up, and everything goes to hell. In a small role, James Remar plays a slightly less nasty rival porn producer and Timothy Bottoms is equally wasted as Hirsch’s dad.


2004 Luke Greenfield (“The Animal”, “Let’s Be Cops”) teen comedy with questionable moral value is nonetheless funny and surprisingly endearing. It does have a habit of ripping off past teen movies like “Risky Business”, and how old is Cuthbert’s character anyway? I was never sure, and never sure I would’ve been entirely comfortable with the answer. Not too sure if Olyphant’s character needed to be that unhinged, either though he plays the character memorably. If you can get this initial borderline tastelessness out of your head, this is a reasonably smart, if somewhat unlikely (the strip club scene with the principal is wholly ridiculous, if hilarious), funny and well-acted film. Marquette (who I always thought was going to go somewhere) and Olyphant are especially impressive. The only real complaint? For all its teasing, we never actually see the yummy Cuthbert naked, not even topless! Not even a bum shot! Not even a diamond-encrusted nipple! Ugh! Given the cloud around her age that may be a good thing, but nudity is surely in the character’s job description.


Rating: B-

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