Review: Friday the 13th Part III

Last time, sack-wearing mummy’s boy Jason Voorhees went on a killing spree at Camp Crystal Lake. This time, same deal but he eventually puts on a hockey mask. Yay, I guess.

As far as I’m concerned, the only “Friday the 13^th” films even close to being worth watching are “Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter” and the 2009 remake, and even those are just under a legitimate recommendation. On the next tier for me are this 1982 oddity from journeyman director Steve Miner (“Friday the 13^th Part 2”, and the genuinely sweet “Forever Young”) and the much-maligned but not terrible “Friday the 13^th: A New Beginning”. Both are substandard films, but on the “Friday” scale, they’re at least tolerable…because the rest of the series is absolute shite (especially parts 1, 2, and 8).

This was the 3D one, and it’s not hard to tell with certain moments calling attention to themselves in that capacity. The 3D element looks cheesy as hell now in 2D and in 2019 for that matter. However, it does give the film a sense of fun that I didn’t ascertain from the majority of this simplistic, tedious series. Let’s face it, the first two films in particular were entirely empty, one-note slashers of zero distinction. Sorry, but the Jason movies are probably among my least favourite horror franchises ever. The sense of light-hearted (well, for a slasher) fun extends to the goofiest cinematic biker gang you’ve ever seen. The tone is the film’s strong suit, though it won’t be to everyone’s liking perhaps.

This one follows on immediately from the previous “Friday” films and is the one where Jason Voorhees gets his signature hockey mask. We also get a disco element added to Henry Manfredini’s iconic but overrated score over the opening credits, which is awful. However, once the film proper starts, the score is surprisingly not bad. Like everything else in this franchise it’s repetitive and simplistic, but this time I kinda liked it. Even more divisive is the character of Shelley, an obnoxious, tubby nerd loser whom no one in the film or audience likes. My take? He’s one of the few even halfway memorable characters in the entire franchise. Most other characters are just nameless hot bodies ready to be hacked up. I actually think it’s a bit daring to include such a socially inept character, even if you wonder how anyone managed to invite him along in the first place. The weird thing character-wise here is that they feel a bit ill-fitted with one another. I’m all for a film that features more than just bland 20ish bimbos and himbos, but one wonders if the only reason why the middle-aged stoners are there is ‘coz…drugs. I also wonder if they supplied the Mystery Machine van they all travel in. But add them to the two opening victims and the Crazy Ralph character to the mix and you admittedly do have a more eclectic mix than in a lot of slashers. I’ll give it that, unlikely as they all seem in occupying the same film. Still, lead actress Dana Kimmell and on-screen boyfriend Paul Kratka are far from the worst protagonists this series has given us. They’re likeable enough, just as Larry Zerner (who now seems to divide time between acting and being a lawyer) is unlikeable enough as Shelley to be somewhat interesting.

***** SPOILER WARNING ***** The funny thing about Shelley is that as much as he’s a loser jerk (yes, both a loser and a jerk, the latter is what makes him unlikeable) he ends up being the one character whose death might affect you a little bit. He and the hot chick in red might not have had a future together, but they were just getting to become friends. Everyone deserves a friend or two, even a loser jerk like Shelley. The biker gang is kinda fun too, and it leads to at least one of the series’ best deaths, via a pitchfork to the gut. The best death by far is the quite graphic spear gun death (to the eye, no less) awarded to the aforementioned hot chick in red. You’ll remember that long after you’ve forgotten much of anything else here, except maybe the handstand scene, but that one’s a bit too contrived for me, celebrated among horror fans as it is. ***** END SPOILER ***** I’ll hand it to Jason, dude possibly outdoes Ted Bundy here by murdering about 5 people in the space of 10 minutes or so. Don’t quote me on that, but I think it might be accurate. On the downswing, the literally ‘eye-popping’ death probably would’ve been awesome in 3D but sadly, in 2D it looks fake as hell. Meanwhile, I think ‘jump’ scares are a lowbrow horror trope, but this film has at least two good ones I won’t spoil. However, once the expendables have all been sliced and diced, we get the same stock-standard final girl runs from Jason, screams, gets caught, runs again, gets stalked etc. scenario as usual. The fact that it’s better than most isn’t exactly a pro. We end on one of the most truly idiotic endings I’ve come across, calling back to the end of a famous horror movie ending I won’t reveal, but it then cops out on it after all. Oh, fuck off. Seriously, I’m not having that shit, screenwriters Martin Kitrosser (a veteran script supervisor who co-wrote “Friday the 13^th: A New Beginning” and wrote and directed “Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker”) and Carol Watson (who co-wrote the story for “Meatballs Part II” with Kitrosser, and very little else) can GTFO with that, thank you very much.

A lot livelier than the previous two entries, I can see how this probably would’ve been more fun in 3D. In 2D it’s meh, but meh is actually pretty good by this series’ extremely low standards. That is not however, a recommendation.

Rating: C