Review: Evils of the Night

Aliens (Tina Louise, John Carradine, and Julie Newmar) have landed on Earth and seem to have some connection to a couple of backwoods creeps (Neville Brand and Aldo Ray) killing young men and kidnapping their nubile female companions.

 

An all-star schlock cast is put to cheapjack use. This 1985 sci-fi/horror nonsense from director Mardi Rustam (writer-producer of Tobe Hooper’s bizarre and fun “Eaten Alive”) and co-writer Phillip D. Connors (unsurprisingly a fairly prolific porno screenwriter) plays like the kind of inept T&A crap Fred Olen Ray churned out in the 80s and 90s (“Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers”, “Evil Spawn”, “The Tomb”, etc). We even get appearances by regular Fred Olen Ray alum John Carradine and Dawn Wildsmith.

 

The T&A is nice and frequent for at least the first half, but that’s about all you’re gonna get from this one. A dishevelled-looking Neville Brand and slumming Aldo Ray are somewhat decent (Brand’s years of heavy drinking are clearly visible on him, however), but neither is anywhere near their prime. Brand’s weathered looks are put to his advantage here, though. Poor Julie Newmar looks frozen, Tina Louise is miscast and out of her depth, and poor Carradine gets nothing to do, really. On the plus side, whilst it’s not “The Grapes of Wrath”, I’ve seen the veteran character actor give far worse performances than this. At least he doesn’t look frail and confused here. The younger cast members are all pretty interchangeable and terrible actors (including adult film star Amber Lynn).

 

The film gets to the goods pretty quick and starts out sexy and funny. There’s a particularly hilarious death via laser ring where the victim overacts in the extreme. The grisly power drill murder is pretty darn good, too. However, it’s clearly very stupid and before long the fun in laughing at something campy wears off. Former Al Adamson associate Rustam’s directorial debut, it’s actually pretty dull for the most part. It’s far too slow for a film that runs only 80 minutes, and it’s so shoddily done that you may not immediately figure out that John Carradine and Julie Newmar are meant to be playing aliens. The plot details are irritatingly lacking. We also get one of the worst and most rushed finales you’ll ever see. Did they run out of money at some point?

 

Quite sexy for a non-porn flick from 1985, but after the halfway point any value in that gives way to boredom. This is subpar if more forgettable than outright calamitous, and the performances by veteran heavies Neville Brand and Aldo Ray are somewhat effective. In fact, it’s frequently tedious and a bit of a slog. Call it “Porky’s” meets “Invaders From Mars”, it’s cheap as hell and even the copious T&A isn’t enough to make it worthwhile.

 

Rating: D+

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