Review: Land of the Minotaur

Set in Greece, Irish priest Donald Pleasence and a bunch of students uncover a Satanic cult that worships a talking statue of a minotaur. Peter Cushing plays the cult leader, while Costa Skouras (aka Kostas Karagiorgis) is Pleasence’s P.I. friend who helps him out.

 

Also known under the more generic but more accurate title “The Devil’s Men”. Apparently Donald Pleasence was originally cast as the villain in this 1976 horror pic but wanted to change things up and play the hero. As directed by Kostas Karagiannis (seemingly his only non-Greek film) and scripted by Arthur Rowe (“The Magnificent Seven Ride!” and a lot of TV), he probably should’ve passed on the film altogether because it’s a pretty dopey affair. It might not be as bad as its reputation, but that may be because I’ve seen a lot of films that are even worse. There’s a moment or two that isn’t too bad, but a long, long way from being good.

 

Director Karagiannis has an annoying thing for Franco-esque zoom lens overuse, especially in just the opening 10 minutes. He’s also a fan of naked women, and I’m much less annoyed about that. I also had to giggle at the ‘secret tomb’ that was ludicrously easy to uncover. Meanwhile, whoever was in charge of casting here didn’t look nearly far enough or wide enough, because aside from the two big stars the rest of the cast here is beyond amateurish. They’re porno-bad. The two stars have been better elsewhere but are by far the best things here. Pleasence’s half-hearted Irish accent aside, he’s solid and adds a touch of class. Cushing does a kind of Christopher Lee ‘gentlemanly villain’ thing and is rather chilling at times, actually. Aside from the absurd fire-breathing minotaur statue and accompanying voice (it sounds like the voice box from “Police Academy 6: City Under Siege”), the biggest problem here is the dreadfully dull, charmless performance by a guy named Costa Skouras who isn’t anywhere near hot enough to be shirtless so often. The guy’s got zero business being here. At least the Greek scenery is nice, I guess.

 

Boring horror item, with poor direction and a dire supporting cast. It’s more dumb than truly execrable, with Cushing doing fine as the villain. He and Pleasence can’t come close to saving it, though. Listen out for the hilariously awful title song over the end credits.

 

Rating: D+

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Hellraiser (2022)

Recovering junkie Odessa A’zion accompanies scuzzy boyfriend Drew Starkey on a break-in where all they find is a weird puzzle box. A’zion later opens the box and after some weird shit happens, A’zion and Starkey figure it might be a good idea to learn more about this messed up trinket. Goran Visnjic plays a millionaire who possessed the box before our protagonist nicked it.   Is there any point in remaking/rebooting “Hellraiser” when the 1987 adaptation of Clive Barker’s original text was written and directed by Barker himself? And is considered a horror classic? On evidence here, absolutely not. Directed by David Bruckner ( “The Signal” ) and scripted by Ben Collins ( “The Night House” ) and Luke Piotrowski (ditto) this is an entirely tedious affair. I took a long time to get on board with the 1987 “Hellraiser” , I have to admit. It was wildly imaginative and original, like a nightmare transplanted on to film. However, the characters were stone cold and left me similarly chilly t
Read more

Review: Cinderella (1950)

The story of poor young Cinderella (voiced by Ilene Woods), treated as a servant by her nasty stepmother (voiced by Eleanor Audley), and dismissed by her thoroughly rotten, ugly stepsisters. Her only friends are a group of mice, who are forever being menaced by a cat named Lucifer (or as I call him, Grumpy Cheshire Cat). The King (hoping to find a wife for his charming son) is throwing a ball and every available young woman is invited to attend, and Cinderella is most excited to go. However, her stepmother and stepsisters do all they can to prevent this from happening. But with help from the mice and one fairy godmother (voiced by Verna Felton) later, and Cinderella looks set to attend the ball. You know the rest, folks.   Lovely 1950 Disney animated movie from directors Clyde Geronimi ( “Peter Pan” , “Lady and the Tramp” ), Wilfred Jackson ( “Fantasia” , “Alice in Wonderland” , “Peter Pan” ) & Hamilton Luske ( “Pinocchio” , “Fantasia” , “Peter Pan” ), that is a bit too s
Read more

Review: Eugenie de Sade

Eugenie (Soledad Miranda) makes a deathbed confession to author/biographer (Jesus ‘Jess’ Franco himself), recounting the tale of how her depraved stepfather (Paul Muller) groomed her into a life of depravity, debauchery, and murder.   Not to be confused with the similarly titled “Eugenie…The Story of Her Journey into Perversion” (by the same director) or “Justine de Sade” (which is not to be confused with Franco’s own “Justine” for that matter), this 1973 Marquis de Sade adaptation from writer-director Jesus Franco ( “99 Women” , “A Virgin Among the Living Dead” ) is perhaps the perfect marriage of Franco, sleazy material, and actors. Basically this is what Franco’s “She Killed in Ecstasy” might’ve been like if it were based on a Marquis de Sade work. There’s a few slow spots here and there, but overall I actually think this is Franco’s best film. Yes, even better than my previous choice “Vampyros Lesbos” , and better than his more ‘respectable’ films like “Count Dracula” (a
Read more