Shameless Self Expression

Set in the very, very Southern part of the US, a 10 year-old black girl is raped and brutalised by a couple of sicko yahoos (Nicky Katt and Doug Hutchison). The girl’s father, Carl Lee Hailey (Samuel L. Jackson) is beyond furious and shoots the white creeps dead right there at the courthouse. Unfortunately, a good-hearted local white cop (Chris Cooper) is wounded in the shooting. Carl Lee seeks legal representation from local attorney Jake Brigance (Matthew McConaughey) who is white, but a decent family man who previously helped out Carl Lee’s brother. His colleagues, family (wife Ashley Judd, concerned for the family’s safety), and even his loyal secretary (played by Brenda Fricker) advise him against taking the case, as it’s incredibly dangerous around these parts. Brigance has courage and a conscience however, and agrees to represent Carl Lee. It’s a massive uphill battle going up against a most likely prejudiced (white) jury, a slick prosecutor (Kevin Spacey), and a seemingly p...

Michael Fassbender plays a troubled Oslo detective who alongside new partner Rebecca Ferguson investigates a series of disappearing women, with the title calling card linking them. Before long it turns into a serial killing case. Chloe Sevigny plays dual roles, whilst Charlotte Gainsbourg plays Fassbender’s ex, and J.K. Simmons turns up as a Norwegian businessman. Everybody hates this 2017 thriller from director Tomas Alfredson ( “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” , “Let the Right One In” ), which obviously means I’m going to defend it, right? Nope. This is a mess, with unintentional laughs from the opening scene that are truly embarrassing. It’s been expertly shot by Dion Beebe ( “Miami Vice” , “Edge of Tomorrow” ) and indeed Alfredson is a fine visual stylist filmmaker, whilst Michael Fassbender is perfectly troubled and aloof in the lead role. It’s just that it’s all incredibly dumbski, and whilst there aren’t any bad performances, most of the rest of the cast are poorly us...

Evil cult leader Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones) raids a village, killing most, and enslaving the rest. One of the slaves is a young boy named Conan (played as an adult by Arnold Schwarzenegger), whose father (William Smith) was one of many killed (along with his mother). Subjected to slave labour, Conan is then sold to a man who trains him to fight as a gladiator, but also trained to read and think. Eventually Conan is freed from slave labour (the kind that surely only breeds muscle-bound warriors able to kick your arse), and now travelling with comrades Subotai (Gerry Lopez), Valeria (Sandahl Bergman) and sorcerer Akiro (Mako) he is asked by King Osric (Max von Sydow) to rescue his daughter from the clutches of Thulsa Doom and his crazed cult. Conan gets set to fulfil his quest for revenge for the murder of his parents. Directed by uber-macho John Milius ( “Dillinger” , “Red Dawn” ) in 1982, this sword-and-sorcery outing was the big break for Austrian bodybuilder Arnold Schw...

Steve McQueen is cool-as-ice ex-con Doc McCoy, who gets right back into the swing of things after his stay in prison, with the help of his wife Ali MacGraw (entirely detached and unendearing throughout the film), who does a ‘deal’ with corrupt but powerful Ben Johnson (a deal her hubby ain’t gonna be too happy about!) who in turn for speeding up his parole, wants Doc to pull off a bank job for him, with a promised half million dollars payout. Johnson’s even nice enough to provide some accomplices for our happy couple; reckless Bo Hopkins, and intensely brooding psycho Al Lettieri. Sally Struthers is hilarious as a kidnapped wife who seems to be enjoying life with her dangerous (but strangely charismatic) captor Lettieri. Dub Taylor plays a shonky landlord, Richard Bright an incompetent thief who tries to pull a fast one on McQueen and MacGraw, and Slim Pickens walks off with the film at the end as an obliging cowpoke. Taut, violent 1972 Sam Peckinpah ( “The Wild Bunch” , “Str...

Sir Kenneth Branagh stars as a slick lawyer from Savannah, Georgia, whose decision to involve himself both legally and most unprofessionally with a troubled waitress (Embeth Davidtz) opens up one helluva crackpot can of worms. Apparently her crazy old man (Robert Duvall) has been stalking her, and she wants the crazy bastard committed to an asylum. Unfortunately, he’s crafty and elusive, and seems to have helpers everywhere, which also puts Branagh and his kids in danger. Oh, and did I mention that it’s hurricane season? Robert Downey Jr. plays Branagh’s favourite hard-drinking private eye, Daryl Hannah is Branagh’s mousy assistant, Famke Janssen is his bitter ex-wife, and Tom Berenger is Davidtz’s bitter ex-husband. A transparent mystery and completely overpitched job by director Robert Altman ( “The Player” , “Nashville” , “3 Women” , “*M*A*S*H” ) threaten to derail this 1998 adaptation of a discarded John Grisham ( “The Client” , “The Rainmaker” , and “Runaway Jury” ) manu...

12 year-old budding photographer Ella Ballentine witnesses and photographs professional killer Laurence Fishburne mowing down people at a funeral whilst attending the funeral of her own parents. She escapes his clutches and heads to the homestead of Thomas Jane, who is still mourning the loss of a son and the collapse of his marriage. He’s not in a good head space, wants nothing to do with the little girl, but when gun-toting Fishburne rocks up to tie up a ‘loose end’, Jane’s better instincts kick in.                    You just know this isn’t going to be good. Two fairly well-known names, no other stars. A running time less than 90 minutes. A generic title. Made in Canada. And you’ve absolutely, positively never, ever heard of it. Yeah, this isn’t good. This 2016 generic thriller from writer/director Adam Alleca (co-writer of the remake of “Last House on the Left” , and the slightly und...

Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Lyon, who goes AWOL from the French Foreign Legion when he receives word that his brother has succumbed to nasty drug dealers in LA, who set him on fire. Almost by accident, Lyon discovers the world of underground street fighting, and hooks up with likeable hustler Harrison Page, who introduces him to sleazy, rich fight promoter Deborah Rennard. Soon he’s earning dough participating in unsanctioned bouts in bizarre locales for the blood-thirsty rich-set. Lyon wants the money so he can support his brother’s wife (Lisa Pelikan) and daughter (Ashley Johnson). The latter is much keener on him being around than the former, who is resentful. Rennard, for her part, is not keen on letting Lyon take the money and run, wanting to own him for good. Meanwhile, two Legionnaires (one played by Michel Qissi) are dispatched to bring Lyon back. Clement von Franckenstein (coolest name ever!) plays a British investor associate of Rennard’s. Belgian butt-kicker Jea...

Workaholic Adam Sandler meets weirdo scientist Christopher Walken who gives him a ‘universal remote’, a magical device that can seemingly do anything, and certainly allows its user to juggle both work and family commitments. Sandler figures he can fast-forward through a lot of stuff (arguments, and hell, even sex) to focus on work commitments (Everyone’s favourite punchline, David Hasselhoff is Sandler’s tyrannical boss) in order to get a promotion that gives him more personal freedom and time with his family. Unfortunately, the remote ‘learns’ Sandler’s habits, and soon Sandler is skipping whole sections of his life, leading to domestic unhappiness. Well, that’s what you get for fast-forwarding sex with hottie wife Kate Beckinsale. I mean, is this guy nuts or what? I’d be playing that in slow-mo, dude! Frequent replays! TiVo it and watch it over and over! Henry Winkler plays Sandler’s loving father, Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson herself) is his mother, Jennifer Coolidge plays the sa...