Review: Pretty Maids All in a Row


Rock Hudson is a lothario high school coach/guidance counsellor (!) who enlists the sexy new teacher (Angie Dickinson) in helping student John David Carson with his...erm...sexual ‘issues’, whilst Dickinson seemingly has an interest in Hudson, who in turn, is inviting many a young female student into his office for ‘private sessions’. Did I mention that there’s a killer on the loose bumping off pretty female students? Or that Hudson is a married man who never seems willing to leave his wife for any of his girlfriends? Roddy McDowall is the shameless principal who doesn’t even pretend that he cares about anything other than the school’s reputation. Telly Savalas and “Star Trek” actor James Doohan play big city cops, whilst Keenan Wynn is the incompetent local lawman, more concerned with the high school football team.

This 1971 Roger Vadim (the stupendously entertaining cult classic “Barbarella”) mixture of sex comedy, black comedy, and serial killer flick is kinda dirty and me likey a lot. Sometimes hilarious, especially when Dickinson is on screen, stealing the show. I’ve never found her attractive before (she’s always looked middle-aged to me, even when she actually wasn’t), but for once I found her incredibly sexy and really quite funny. Her scenes with young Carson are the film’s best, probably even identifiable to anyone who has ever had inappropriate feelings for a teacher. C’mon, we’ve all been there, guys (some girls too no doubt), own up! Hudson’s casting against type is interesting (The limited actor does try hard, and he deserves credit for simply keeping up the appearance that he was hetero throughout his career), and McDowall is pretty amusing too, if underused. In fact, the only performer to shoot blanks, ironically, is young Carson, a bit of a dullard in a fairly important role.


It’s all very pervy (in than almost ‘innocent’, Russ Meyer kinda way), probably completely inappropriate at times (these are students after all!), and admittedly very easy to guess the killer. But c’mon, you know you want to see this (Vadim’s US debut!), you dirty little so-and-so! Debut screenplay by the one and only Gene Roddenberry (The man behind “Star Trek”), from a novel by Francis Pollini.


Rating: B-

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