Review: Jail Bait
A
ne’er do well crook named Don Gregor (Clancy Malone) and his more amoral crook
buddy Vic Brady (Timothy Farrell) who have just pulled off one successful heist
and now Brady wants to rob a theatre too. Things go awry, Don freaks out and
wants to turn himself in, which doesn’t go over well with the hardened Vic.
Herbert Rawlinson (who died the night after filming was complete) plays Don’s
plastic surgeon father, who urges his son to turn himself in, whilst Dolores
Fuller plays Don’s squeeze, Lyle Talbot and Steve Reeves play cops.
Probably
one of the least technically inept Edward D. Wood Jr. (“Plan 9 From Outer
Space”, “Glen or Glenda?”) films you’ll come across, this bland,
subpar 1954 crime flick is also one of the more tedious. It’s still a bad film,
but you won’t get much ‘so bad it’s funny’ value out of this one, I’d wager. As
such, my review will follow suit, and will be a more traditional, less snarky
offering. Hey, don’t leave! I promise it’s still a really good review! Awww,
you’re gonna hurt my feelings now.
First
of all, the lurid title makes about as much sense here as the droning, Hoyt
Curtin flamenco music score (stolen from “Mesa of Lost Women”).
Seriously, both the title and score have no business here whatsoever. The
music’s not even good flamenco and
it’ll get stuck in your head forever if you’re not careful.
As
for the acting, Timothy Farrell is much better here than in “Glen or
Glenda?”, and he and veteran Lyle Talbot represent the only competent
acting in the film. Talbot in particular always gave Wood way more than was
warranted as an actor. The rest is varying degrees of the drizzling shits, with
lead actor Clancy Malone a particular bore. It’s no surprise he was a
one-and-done actor, and Steve Reeves gets nothing to do as a cop, though it’s a
rare occasion where you’ll get to hear his natural speaking voice. The film’s
plastic surgery twist is pretty idiotic, probably the dumbest thing about the
entire film.
Co-scripted
by Alex Gordon (a producer who also co-wrote Wood’s idiotic mad scientist movie
“Bride of the Monster”), in a way this is probably Wood’s best film.
That’s why it’s no fun at all. It’s a boring, subpar crime melodrama with one
of the most inappropriate music scores of all-time. See it once like all Wood
films, but don’t blame me if you fall asleep, as it’s pretty tedious.
Rating:
D
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