Review: When Time Ran Out…

Set on a resort island in the Pacific, oil-driller Paul Newman concerned that a nearby volcano (Huh? What kind of shoddy bastard would build a resort near a freakin’ volcano?) is about to erupt, but James Franciscus, the philandering son-in-law of resort owner William Holden stupidly refuses to listen. Jacqueline Bisset is Holden’s girl who is having an on-off affair with Newman, Edward Albert Jr. is a native and resort employee who is pining after Barbara Carrera, who in turn is sleeping with Franciscus, whilst Veronica Hamel, as Franciscus’ wife (who is the Boss’s daughter, no less) is unaware. Alex Karras is one of Newman’s co-workers, who is into cock-fighting, with love interest Sheila Allen (Nepotism alert!) and bartender Arnold…er…Mr. Miyagi…er…Pat Morita. Are you getting all this? Also at the resort are elderly ex-circus trapeze artists Valentina Cortese and Burgess Meredith, an alleged thief (Red Buttons) and the hard-nosed cop on his trail (Ernest Borgnine).

Dopey, unconvincing, unimaginative 1980 James Goldstone (“Winning”, “Rollercoaster”, “Swashbuckler”) all-star disaster film for producer Irwin Allen (King of the Disaster Movies, this was just about his last one) isn’t as godawful as I had heard, it’s too much of a bore. The special FX are lame (that volcano eruption was laughable, and there are plenty of other dud moments), and the story and characters play like an Irwin Allen’s Greatest Hits, with a particularly large helping from “The Towering Inferno”. But that was a good film, this isn’t.

Newman looks bored (and why not, he’s doing the same thing he did in “The Towering Inferno”, and apparently wasn’t happy about being contracted to appear in this film), Holden should be ashamed of himself (his role is an exact replica of his “Towering Inferno” role), Franciscus isn’t too bad in the Richard Chamberlain role (despite said character being even more pig-headed and moronic than usual), and Red Buttons isn’t bad, either. But there are too many characters to keep track of or care about. The roles played by Karras, Morita, Carrera, and Albert (whose role as a supposed local really makes no sense) could have and should have been excised, whilst Meredith (essentially playing Shelley Winters and Jack Albertson from “The Poseidon Adventure”) should’ve been given more scenes, if only because I like the guy). Coupled with a plagiaristic and phony story, it becomes a very trying experience.

The often embarrassing screenplay is by Carl Foreman (“High Noon”, “Bridge on the River Kwai”) and unsurprisingly Stirling Silliphant (“The Towering Inferno”, “The Poseidon Adventure”), from the novel “The Day the World Ended” by Max Morgan Witts and Gordon Thomas (who wrote the book “Voyage of the Damned”, which was adapted into the vastly superior, more serious-minded disaster film) It’s not the worst disaster film ever made (the fact that it rips from a superior source does mean that occasionally the story holds interest), but one does get the feeling that no one is really trying hard here, especially the screenwriters. Perhaps for some it will deserve credit for making a long film seem twice as long (And there are several versions out there with differing lengths). I mean, that’s an achievement of sorts, right?

Rating: D+