Seinfeld Top 10 Episodes

Something a little different, the 10 Best and Worst episodes of "Seinfeld". Everyone has their favourites and least favourites, but hopefully you'll agree with at least some of mine. I think a couple in each list might surprise/enrage you, though.

The 10 Best Episodes:

1. The Marine Biologist (S5) - George pretends to be a marine biologist to impress a girl, and being George it backfires on him. This one's endlessly quotable, particularly the immortal 'The sea was angry that day my friends!' speech. But every storyline works here, with Jerry's speech about 'Golden Boy' and 'Baby Blue', and Elaine's dealings with a tempestuous Russian writer also classics. My vote for best Seinfeld episode of all-time, and given that George is my favourite character that isn't really a surprise I suppose.

2. The Contest (s4) - Controversial at the time, this one centres on an unseemly bet between the main four to see who can abstain from masturbation the longest. George getting 'caught' by his mother Estelle is riotous stuff. Lots of great lines in this one. I don't believe that Season 4 was the show's first good season (Season Two was damn solid), but this Season 4 episode was probably what shot the show into TV hit infamy. Everyone was talking about this, whether they were already a fan or if they had just become one. 

3. The Bubble Boy (s4) - Stopping in at a diner on the way to Susan's father's cabin, Jerry and Elaine meet the parents of Donald, the Bubble Boy of the film's title. Donald's parents claim he's a big fan of Jerry, so the gang stop by their house. Donald, it turns out is a grumpy shit who gets into a Trivial Pursuit-related argument with George that is one of the highlights of the entire series. A classic episode from start to fiery finish. After 7 epidodes, Season 4 really hit its stride here with a pretty impressive run of great episodes. I know some feel the show started to get too outlandish, but who cares so long as it's this funny?

4. The Outing (s4) - A young journalist about to interview Jerry misinterprets a gag between Elaine, George, and Jerry, and is under the distinct impression that Jerry and George are a gay couple. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just wait 'til George's mother finds out, though. Surprisingly both PC and satirical of political correctness at the same time, it would still get complaints today from people who don't realise that; 1) The four main characters aren't meant to be entirely likeable, hence the series ending as it did, and 2) Although George has been accused of homophobia in previous episodes, he and Jerry try their best not to be seen as homophobic here. In fact, the episode even won an award from GLAAD, for crying out loud. At any rate, it's flawless comedy from Season 4. George's attempts at breaking up with his girlfriend by going along with the gay thing is particularly funny, desperate idiot George material. 

5. The Soup Nazi (s7) - What can you say about this cultural phenomenon of an episode that hasn't already been said? The basic idea (supposedly based on a real guy who was PISSED about the episode) is genius, Larry Thomas is perfectly intimidating as the crazy title character. George is perfectly (and hilariously) intimidated. Elaine is perfectly obnoxious, practically begging to get thrown out. Jerry hits rock-bottom when he's forced to choose between a girl he's smitten with...and soup. This Season 7 episode (Yes, it actually came pretty late in the show's run) is perfect Seinfeld material (even if Elaine's wardrobe theft storyline isn't a laugh riot it's certainly funny enough to not be a detriment), perfectly New York too. You wouldn't get a character like The Soup Nazi anywhere else in the world, I don't think. 

6. The Pez Dispenser (s3) - George dates a classical pianist named Noel (pronounced No-elle), but he has no 'hand'. At Noel's piano recital, Jerry puts a Tweety Bird Pez dispenser on Elaine's leg, causing the latter to laugh uncontrollably, which in turn causes Noel to screw up. Meanwhile, Kramer comes up with an idea for a cologne: The Beach. George's obsession with 'hand' leads to several great lines ('I've got so much hand, I'm coming out of my gloves!' being just one), and at least one pretty break-up attempt. 

7. The Implant (s4) - Another Season 4 winner. Jerry's into a hot chick (played by Teri Hatcher), but becomes concerned that she might not be all natural. He hires Elaine to find out for sure...y'know, rather than find out for himself after a couple more dates. George is having issues making a moveon his new girlfriend (Megan Mullally) because she always sits on his bad side so he can't comfortably make a move on her. Gee, this sure is a Feminist episode isn't it? Good thing it's one of the funniest episodes ever. I actually think the highlight here is George, as this is the infamous 'double dip' episode and the one where he tries to get a discount on a flight for a death in the family (his girlfriend's family).

8. The Doll (s7) - Surprised? Apparently I'm the only one who loves this episode, where George notices a familiar-looking doll amongst Susan's vast collection of porcelein dolls. It looks like his mother. Exactly like her. It's terrifying. Soon the doll is talking to him, berating him to be more precise. It's brilliant neurotic George stuff, and just wait until Frank becomes involved. Meanwhile, Jerry wants the doll to use for a TV appearance. The problem? Susan's former roommate Sally Weaver is tasked with getting it for him (Kathy Griffin's unpopularity probably contributes to the episode's unpopularity I guess). Jerry's already upset with Sally for ruining a previous object he had planned for The Charles Grodin show. Elsewhere, Frank turns George's old bedroom into a billiards room, leading to a very funny bit of physical comedy as Frank, Kramer, and The Maestro struggle to play in the very tiny room. It's among the best physical gags the series ever had. A great Season 7 episode and easily the most underrated episode of the entire series. Even the annoying Griffin is well-cast. 

9. The Puffy Shirt (s5) - Kramer is dating a 'low talker' (Wendel Meldrum, AKA Miss White from "The Wonder Years"), George has moved back in with his parents, and also becomes a 'hand model'. The title comes from Kramer's girlfriend convincing Jerry to wear the title garment on The Tonight Show. Jerry, having not been able to hear her, is completely unaware of what he has agreed to. Look out for Jerry Stiller's first turn as the volatile Frank Costanza.

10. The Race (s6) - Jerry's dating his dream girl, a woman named Lois. She works for a former high school classmate of Jerry's and they have a history regarding a certain race they competed in wherein Jerry had an unfair advantage. It's a story full of great lines and Superman references. Elaine is dating a Commie ('Can't you at least look like a successful Communist?), George looks for women in the singles ads in a Commie newspaper (Vicki Lewis is still his secretary but looks more glamorous and the previous episode isn't referenced). Even Kramer is bitten by the Communist bug and starts reading some of their literature. Season 6 at its best.

10 Worst Episodes:

1. The Stock Tip (s1) - Although no episode of Seinfeld is truly bad, I've gotta say this Season One episode comes pretty damn close and is definitely bottom of the barrel for the show. It's amazing to behold something as poor as this and see how the show managed to not only recover but end up in my view the greatest sitcom of all-time. The dry cleaner guy is amusing and it's nice to see Lynn Clark back as Jerry's girlfriend from The Stakeout, otherwise this is a dud. Frasier did the same subject more justice a few years later. One interesting factoid: This is a rare episode where series loser George actually wins out in the end, so perhaps that's the lesson: Don't let George win if you want a good/great episode of Seinfeld.

2. The Andrea Doria (s8) - George loses out on an apartment to the survivor of the title shipwreck (Again with the apartment envy?). Jerry's got mini-storage troubles with Kramer and Newman. Kramer has a cough, then finds a dog who also has a cough. So he goes to the vet. For both of them. Elaine's date gets stabbed by his ex, and she's kinda turned on by dating a guy who compels an ex-lover to such passionate violence. Until she finds out that he's a 'bad breaker-upperer' Are you laughing at any of this yet? No, and neither did I, really. I'd still rather watch this than whole series of other shows, but this is clearly a low point in the show. Almost nothing worked for me here, the highlight being George retelling horror stories from his life to beat out the Andrea Doria person. Kramer's storyline is potentially amusing in theory and Elaine's jerk boyfriend is well-played by Tom Gallop. Other than that...nope. A mediocre episode from a highly uneven season that contained some really strong episodes, but probably more of the worst than any other season, too.

3. The Suicide (s3) - Jerry's jerk neighbour winds up in a coma after a suicide attempt, and Jerry winds up having a fling with his girlfriend. But what if the guy wakes up? George and Elaine visit a psychic, but Elaine offends her before she's finished telling George some bad news. Not one of the better episodes of the third season. It's dull and actually rather unpleasant, one of the few episodes I genuinely didn't enjoy at all. Were they even trying with Elaine and George in this episode?

4. The Van Buren Boys (s8) - The title refers to Kramer being mugged by the title gang. However, the real story with Kramer here is Mr. Peterman gets him to sell him his collection of bizarro autobiographical tales to pass off as Peterman's own. Cute, though one wonders if since Peterman's buying Kramer's stories, are all of his previous fascinating stories bought too? George's storyline  about selecting a student for a scholarship from the Susan Ross Foundation has its moments. He chooses a virtual mini-me, a kid who wants to be an architect. Jerry's dating Christine Taylor, whom other people seem to dislike. Jerry can't for the life of him work out why (neither can the audience). Like one of Kramer's stories, Jerry's storyline here seems pointless and confusing. I just don't get it, if the gag is simply that everyone except Jerry thinks she's awful...well, that's not actually a joke in my view let alone funny (I get the gag with Jerry's parents, mind you). Not one of the best, I'm afraid. Stupid ending, too.

5. The Seinfeld Chronicles (s1) - Kramer isn't named Kramer (he's Kessler, though the character is just about there - what's with the dog, though?), Jerry's apartment decor is hideous, and there's no Elaine, more importantly. Lee Garlington is somehow listed in the opening credits for her bit role as a waitress that was thankfully dropped afterwards. The diner is completely different too, and the entire formula for the show was still in the midst of finding itself. As great as Seinfeld is/was, it took an entire season to really find its groove. But it's about two-thirds there formula-wise if not in the laughs department. The plot is good and quite Seinfeldian, too. Alexander and Seinfeld are already clicking with not only each other but Larry David's world/rhythm/style. But you really do miss Elaine, it's actually quite a big issue. It's also actually not very funny (Kramer/Kessler is the comic highlight), which may be a bigger issue. No Seinfeld episode is truly bad television (some episodes are pretty poor, though), and this is 

still somewhat enjoyable. It's just that the show hadn't quite got it all together yet, and there are far funnier (and slicker - the ending is completely flat) episodes. Thus, it's at the back of the pack. 

6. The Stranded (s3) - At a party in Long Island for a work acquaintance of George, Jerry and Elaine try to signal one another to rescue one another from insufferable conversations. George picks up at the party, leaving Jerry and Elaine...well, look at the title. Elaine makes a 

reference to the Lindy Chamberlain movie at one point that was supposed to be funny, but just seems oddly misplaced to me. I actually think this Season Three episode is incredibly overrated, though Michael Chiklis is always good value. You have to wait a while for his part to really kick in, however. 

7. The Handicap Spot (s4) - And here's where you're gonna hate me. For me this is pretty much the nadir of the otherwise rather good Season 4. Kramer wanting to call his kid 'Isoseles Kramer' is amusing. Kramer suggesting the gang parks in a handicap spot because 

'they don't drive' is just dumb. The episode is mostly meh. There's a couple of funny bits, mostly about 'The Drake'. The rest...nah. And I don't think it's just because I'm disabled, I can laugh at myself just fine. The jokes just aren't very funny (aside from Jerry's closing 

monologue about the Special Olympics, which is brilliant). Also not helping is that Frank Costanza is played by John Randolph and not Jerry Stiller. Randolph's a solid character actor, but he ain't no Frank Costanza.

8. The Stand-In (s5) - Jerry tries to humour a hospitalised friend. Kramer and his friend Mickey are stand-ins on a soap opera, Kramer suggests short-statured Mickey wear lifts in his shoes as the kid he's standing in for is rapidly growing. Unfortunately it sees him viewed 

poorly by other little people. Hardly one of Season 5's best, Elaine's lewd date is the only amusing thing here.

9. The Diplomat's Club (s6) - Jerry's trying to meet up with his model girlfriend for a 6 hour period at the title club. Elaine is ready to quit her job when Mr. Pitt names Elaine as a beneficiary in his will. Guess she better stick around then. George gets accused of racism when he compares Mr. Morgan with Sugar Ray Leonard. Desperate to prove he's not racist, he even turns up with another movie to the black family he watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's" with. Meanwhile, Kramer gets a gambling itch, after years of having his habit under control. George's story is the only funny thing here in this pretty forgettable episode. 

10. Male Unbonding (s1) - The first of many episodes with Jerry trying to avoid an annoying acquaintance, and easily the worst of the bunch. Kevin Dunn is definitely annoying as the childhood friend, and Jerry gets off some funny wisecracks ('I would've been friends with Stalin if he had a ping-pong table!'), but for the most part this one's pretty weak. We get the first mention of Kramer's make-your-own-pizza idea, and Elaine's brief moments are cute. Like much of Season One, it just doesn't stand out overall. Most people actually seem to hate it passionately, I just think it's a bit 'meh', but that makes it one of the worst of the entire series nonetheless. When people talk about how the show went into a decline after Larry David left, there's always Season One for the rebuttal, in my view.