Review: Beast

Widower Idris Elba flies his teen daughters to Africa and the small village their mother grew up in. Meanwhile, a rogue lion has been killing villagers. Man vs. Beast ensues. Sharlto Copley turns up as a friendly game warden.

 

Idris Elba apparently chose to make this 2022 lion movie because it gave him an opportunity to make a ‘run, chase, run’ movie. I’m happy you got your wish, Idris. However, I wished for a film that was either good or at least fun, and that’s not what I’ve been given by you, director Baltasar Kormákur (who made better films like “Contraband”, “2 Guns”, and the underrated “Everest”), and screenwriter Ryan Engle (“Non-Stop”, “The Commuter”). It’s been well-shot, otherwise the best I can say here is that unlike the infamous “Roar” I wasn’t watching an actual animal attack.

 

The filmmakers had two possibilities for success here; 1) Embrace the human story of a father taking his kids to Africa where their mother grew up and forget about the lions for the most part, or 2) Embrace the stupidity and make a fun ‘when animals attack’ movie. Instead we get an awkward mixture of both serious and stupid, and thus it fails. We get Idris Elba fighting a lion in an even contest in a film made by people who don’t realise how completely barmy that is. It’s all dumb, no fun. The CGI lions look quite good and the scenery is typically stunning, but a mixture of serious and silly just doesn’t work here. Elba comes off as way too unflappable and the kids look like they’re on a boring road trip whenever the lion isn’t attacking them. Real kids would be in a constant panic. Real 45 year-old me would be in a constant panic.

 

I wouldn’t mind if the film were made by people who realised and embraced how dumb this is, but instead of aiming for “Piranha” or “Snakes on a Plane”, these guys are trying and failing to give us “Cujo” (the lion even looks a little mangy and rabid). If you want to go the serious route, you then need to make a good film to genuinely engage the audience. Sadly the lion is the only thing that convinces here, though Sharlto Copley isn’t bad in support. I just don’t think a man vs. lion contest would last as long as it does here and the lion would almost certainly win. A shark? Get out of the water, you’ll probably be fine. A croc? Stay up in the trees if you can and maybe you’ll be alright. A lion? Lunch is served. ***** SPOILER WARNING ***** The nadir is a dumb arse conclusion where a deus ex machina comes in the form of other lions who don’t like the mangy one. Ugh. ***** END SPOILER *****

 

Boring, unconvincing animal attack film has nice scenery and CGI, but seemingly no idea how stupid it is and not well-made enough to work on a more serious level. Is there a worse kind of trash than boring trash that thinks it isn’t trash?  

 

Rating: D+

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