Review: The Alchemist (1983)

Lucinda Dooline picks up a hitch-hiker John Sanderford but this isn’t a cautionary tale about hitch-hiking or picking up strangers. Instead, these two barely acquainted characters have to deal with a man (C-grade action star Robert Ginty) suffering from a curse afflicted upon him by a sorcerer (Robert Glaudini) in the late 1800s. This man (who is somehow still alive) is convinced that Dooline is the spitting image of his wife who was stolen by the sorcerer. Oh, and about that curse…it gives him immortality but occasionally transforms him into some kind of beast. Yeah.


I certainly have been known to be a cinematic contrarian from time to time, but it’s relatively rare for my own reaction to a film to be the polar opposite of the majority. This 1983 fantasy/folk horror outing was one of the biggest surprises for me when going through the filmography of producer/director/studio head Charles Band (“Parasite”, “Puppet Master”) over the last year or so. In addition to having a troubled production, it gets some of the worst reviews and ratings of any film Band’s ever been associated with as director or producer. All I can say is that those people mustn’t have seen very many genuinely bad films in their time. Including some of Band’s own output, I might add. In the same filmography that has “Dollman vs. Demonic Toys”, “Puppet Master: The Legacy”, and “End of the World”, this one’s practically “Citizen Kane” by comparison. It’s obviously not “Citizen Kane” (or even quite “Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge”), but I genuinely enjoyed it for what it was and the budget it likely had.


The atmosphere is at least Hammer-adjacent, the Richard Band (“Parasite”, “From Beyond”, “Ghost Warrior”) music score is really nice – sweeping even. I think the director does a more than decent job here, kind of a precursor to the non-puppet Full Moon dark fantasy/horror output like “Meridian” (directed by Band) and “The Pit and the Pendulum” (directed by Stuart Gordon, produced by Band), just not quite on that level of execution. The atmosphere really is pretty spot-on, characters are all fairly interesting, the use of semi-woodland locations is rather nice too. Certainly it’s a nice change from seeing what feels like the same stretch of Californian desert Band was using in most of his other films pre-Full Moon. Also, unlike Band’s “Laserblast” this one looks like at least some effort went into the story as scripted by Alan J. Adler (Band’s equally underrated “Parasite”, the cheesy Band anthology “The Dungeonmaster”). It’s quite a bloody film as well, so that’ll likely please the graphically inclined among you. Sure, Robert Ginty is his usual awful self and drags things down a touch, but he’s thankfully not in the film enough to sink it. Co-star Robert Glaudini (“Parasite”) isn’t featured much either but is genuinely good, as are Lucinda Dooline and Viola Kate Stimpson.


Why is this one so hated? I think it makes for a more than acceptable Halloween viewing. It isn’t the best thing Charles Band has been associated with (that’s likely Stuart Gordon's “Re-Animator”), but if you can get past Robert Ginty’s stiff performance, this is a solid B-movie. I had fun with it. 


Rating: B-

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