Review: There's Something Wrong With the Children (2023)

Two families go away together on vacation, and soon the kids have become obsessively drawn to a huge pit in an abandoned building. Parents Amanda Crew and Carlos Santos aren’t in a good place in their marriage so the other couple (Alisha Wainwright, Zach Gilford) agree to watch the kids for the night so they can re-connect. Unfortunately, the next morning the kids have vanished. Gilford goes back to the pit and finds the kids there only to watch them jump to their apparent deaths at the bottom of the pit. However, when he goes back to tell of the horrific news, the kids are there and seemingly alive and well. What. The. F.


Directed by Roxanne Benjamin (who has directed a few TV episodes here and there), this 2023 Blumhouse horror film has some things going for it, but far too many problems to recommend. The roving camerawork is nice, and Yaron Levy (who lensed 10 episodes of “The Purge” TV series) gives us some colourful cinematography. It looks great, it’s quite atmospheric. I just didn’t care. After 30 minutes, not a damn thing besides a nose bleed has happened. Worse, there isn’t one character worth investing in here. These people are crushingly boring, with Amanda Crew unpleasant and unlikeable from the jump. She’s bitchy and moody for seemingly no reason, and I don’t think the script is 100% to blame there. Also, as much as the film has a couple of creepy moments, the titular children aren’t as creepy or interesting as they’re likely intended to be.


With some changes, this one might’ve been something. As is, there’s too much time-wasting and boring performances/characters getting in the way. And that godawful “Stranger Things” rip-off title font can GTFO too. You’re not fooling anyone with that. The screenplay is by T.J. Cimfel and Dave White, who previously paired up for the enjoyable “Intruders”. 


Rating: C

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