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Showing posts from November 13, 2011

25 Worst Casting Decisions in Cinematic History

25. Gary Oldman, “Batman Begins” (2005) & “The Dark Knight” (2008)


I'll catch hell for this, but I have to do it. I've never been much of a fan of Oldman to be honest, he tends to chew the scenery and just about everything else in sight. Here, though, he underplays things to create the least interesting Commissioner Gordon of all-time. He's glum, boring, and it just shows that Gary Oldman should never be cast as nice guys. It's just not his thing.


24. Halle Berry, “Catwoman” (2004)


Halle Berry is just too mousy to play a superhero, and yes that includes the "X Men" series. But here (and sometimes in interviews) she just gives off a fragile, possibly emotionally unstable vibe. She doesn’t give the only bad performance in the film, but surely there were plenty of other more suitable actresses out there. Berry evaporates on screen, even in a leather cat suit.


23. Paul Dano, “There Will Be Blood” (2007)


A strong film that is like the oil tycoon version of "Ci…

The 20 Worst Songs of All-Time

Ordered from least sucky to most sucky:


20. Horror Movie-Skyhooks
Apparently about the war in Vietnam. Personally I just think it’s an irritating and overrated piece of Aussie, wannabe-KISS crap.


19. Paradise By the Dashboard Light- Meat Loaf

Even for Meat Loaf, this is utterly self-indulgent and unbearably overblown. It never seems to end. I just can’t get into it.



18. King of Wishful Thinking- Go West

One of many reasons why I hate “Pretty Woman”. Soft-cock soft rock at its worst.


17. Loving You- Minnie Ripperton

Even dogs will find this ear-splitting, sickly sweet song a one-way ticket to doggie heaven (or is that hell?). And don’t even try that high note...


16. You’ve Got a Friend-James Taylor

As Eric Cartman might put it, this is a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap. This may in fact be playing in the elevator on the way to hell. Pray you never get to find that out...


15. To Sir With Love- Lulu

I have seen the Devil,and her name is Lulu. This is the song that just Will. Not. Die.


14. No Limit-

Review: Genghis Khan

Omar Sharif plays the title Mongol chief who attempts to unite all the varying factions and regions of Asia, whilst also squaring off against Jamuga (Stephen Boyd- thankfully a bit better than he was in “Ben-Hur”), his sworn enemy and the man who once enslaved him. Francoise Dorleac plays Boyd’s intended wife whom Sharif snatches away from him, and eventually they come to love one another. Telly Savalas and Woody Strode play a couple of Genghis Khan’s followers (the former has much different views on the treatment of women than his leader), whilst James Mason is Kam Ling, Mandarin advisor to Chinese Emperor Robert Morley, both of whom seem to have some affection for Sharif. Eli Wallach has a small role as a shifty Persian Shah.


Despite not being Mongolian, a perfectly cast Sharif (who is Egyptian) nearly saves this otherwise badly cast, occasionally embarrassingly trivial (read: borderline racist-as-hell) 1965 historical mini-epic from Henry Levin (“The Flying Missile”, “Journey to th…

Review: Triage

Review:Triage

Set in 1988, Colin Farrell plays a dedicated photojournalist in Kurdistan with his buddy Jamie Silves covering the conflict there. Farrell gets almost fatally injured whilst on the job, and when he finally makes his way back home, he hears that Silves isn’t back yet. This is odd because Farrell claims Silves (who found the bloodshed too much after a while) was supposed to have left ahead of him to be back home with his pregnant wife Kelly Reilly. Meanwhile, Farrell’s Spanish wife Paz Vega senses a change in her husband, who is struggling to remove the horrific images of war from his head (whilst also trying to heal from his comparatively minor physical impediments), but unwilling to open up to anyone. In order to get some answers out of Farrell, she calls upon her grandfather Christopher Lee for help, whom she is estranged from due to his controversial past as a psychiatrist who ‘purified’ the war criminals who carried out Franco’s deeds in the Spanish Civil War (and who …

Review: Junkyard Dog

Viveca A. Fox plays an FBI agent with psychological troubles stemming from having to use her gun. Her concerned boss John Kapelos assigns her the task of following up on missing college girl Galadriel Stineman (yes, that’s the actress’ real name). Stineman, headed to a Halloween party, doesn’t quite make it, after her car goes kaput somewhere in Squeallikeapigsville, USA. Enter baby-faced caryard owner Innis Casey, who offers her assistance, and takes her back to his junkyard home...and puts her in an underground cell to be raped, tortured, and held captive for as long as he wants. Did I mention that Casey is a cannibalistic serial killer who cooks his victims and gives the ‘leftovers’ to his dog? Brad Dourif plays the county sheriff also looking for the missing girl, will either he or Fox get to poor Stineman before she becomes the next morning’s bacon and eggs?

Released in 2010, this real life-based serial killer flick from writer-director Kim Bass (writer of the African-American ce…

Review: Mama’s Gone A-Hunting

Escaped con Gerard Kennedy ropes an old mate (Vince Martin) into a get rich quick scheme; Kidnapping the five month old child of rich businessman Peter Stratford and wife Carmen Duncan. The couple are attending the ballet at the Sydney Opera House, whilst a meek and recently hired babysitter (Judy Morris, unlike ever before) stays back at their hotel room looking after the baby. There’s a kink to all of this though, the cons (nor the married couple) hadn’t counted on Morris being a grade-A fruitcake herself, who wants the baby for her own reasons- and boy is she possessive. With Morris and child on the run, the would-be kidnappers have to hurry if they’re gonna be able to carry out their plans for a ransom demand (even a recording of the baby’s voice will suffice), as the parents will be back soon.


This 1975 Aussie TV movie from director Peter Maxwell (mostly known for such beloved Aussie TV shows as “A Country Practice”, “Skippy” and “Boney”) is for the most part a B-grade corker. Ke…