Showing posts from September 8, 2019

Review: The Meg

The inhabitants of an ocean lab off the coast of China find themselves dealing with a 90ft megalodon shark from previously unexplored depths of the ocean. A submersible ends up being attacked by the shark, and the only man capable of resolving the situation is former diver Jason Statham. His ex-wife Jess McNamee is among those in the submersible, giving the reluctant hero enough incentive to agree to the mission. Rainn Wilson plays the entirely obnoxious billionaire backing the lab, whilst the rest of our protagonists include father and daughter Winston Chao and Bingbing Li, Robert Taylor, Page Kennedy (practically screaming ‘We gon’ die!’ from moment one), Statham’s buddy Cliff Curtis, and a pouty Ruby Rose (struggling embarrassingly with an attempted American accent). Sophia Cai plays Bingbing Li’s daughter, who takes a shine to gruff Statham.

There will never be another “Jaws”, the film is practically flawless entertainment. There sure as shit are a hell of a lot of shark movies th…

Review: Alien Prey

A slightly bitchy lesbian couple (Sally Faulkner and Glory Annen) live out in the woods in their mansion, and are about to have a close encounter of the alien vampire kind (Barry Stokes).

Director Norman J. Warren (the dreadful “Alien” rip-off “Inseminoid”) and screenwriter Max Cuff (his only film credit) essentially give us a sci-fi/horror version of “The Fox” here with this 1977 low-budget oddity. The result is all over the map, but with one scene excepted none of it is particularly interesting. This is partly because the short running time renders a lot of it incoherent. It’s mostly because Warren is a subpar filmmaker and he’s made a lot of it incoherent.

I really wish this wasn’t – and can hardly believe it is – boring, because a lot of it is nuttier than a fruitcake, and that one scene is pretty darn good. If you’re gonna watch this film, it’s because you’ve heard about the lesbian content, and although darkly photographed, it’s pretty steamy for a non-porn film from 1977-78. It…

Review: Bilitis

The title teenager (played by Patti D’Arbanville) is on holiday from her French boarding school, and staying with a married couple. The bulk of the film has her frolicking with a handsome photographer, but she is also drawn to the older Melissa (Mona Kristensen, then-wife of the director), whose husband treats his wife rough, to say the least.

When you read the synopsis, it sounds dubious, especially from a 2019 perspective. Having seen this 1977 softcore effort from British director and former photographer David Hamilton (who made the similar “Laura”, I can indeed confirm that it is rather a dubious effort, especially from a 2019 perspective. I can also confirm that if you can get past that (and that’s likely a big ‘if’ for most), it’s not that bad, if not up to the heights of “Emmanuelle II”. It helps that despite the teenage characters, the actresses are all clearly above age. Well, it helped me at least. Your mileage may differ. It’s certainly not nearly as artistic as its arty-fa…