Shameless Self Expression

Time travel has been invented but banned by the Government and now used exclusively by criminal organisations to dispose of their unwanted bodies. They are sent back in time to be assassinated by ‘loopers’, headed by Abe (Jeff Daniels), who travelled back in time himself. When a looper’s contract is said to be done, his future self is sent for him to dispose of, leaving him with 30 years of life left. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays one such looper, and he runs into his future self (Bruce Willis), who isn’t all that interested in being killed, and manages to escape. Whilst Gordon-Levitt attempts to pursue him, Willis is attempting to locate the child version of The Rainmaker, the crime boss of the future. Emily Blunt plays a rural property owner and young mum quick to draw a shotgun on trespassers, Garret Dillahunt is a disarmingly polite henchman, Paul Dano is a screw-up pal of Gordon-Levitt’s, and Piper Perabo plays a hooker/stripper known to Gordon-Levitt/Willis. With sci...

Diane Keaton stars as a middle-aged woman who has been caring for her father (Hume Cronyn), who has been bedridden and slowly dying for years. When Keaton’s doctor (Robert De Niro, the film’s producer) tells her she has leukaemia, she decides to call her estranged sister Meryl Streep (who got outta that home quick smart, unlike her sister) to come and get tested for a bone marrow match to have a transplant. Streep, a trainee cosmetologist with two sons (one of whom is a destructive teen delinquent played by Leonardo DiCaprio), reluctantly packs the family up and heads to see the sister she has had no contact with for 20 years. Needless to say, old wounds will be brought up and not necessarily healed (nor will they necessarily be between the two sisters), whilst there is also the small matter of the extremely hostile DiCaprio (who we see early on in a mental institute after burning the family home down) not wanting to get tested, though the other son has no qualms about it. Gwen Ver...

Judd Hirsch and Christine Lahti play a pair of former student radicals on the run for fifteen years after they bombed a University lab that was apparently making napalm. Their actions resulted in a janitor’s blindness. They have two kids, high schooler River Phoenix, and the much younger Jonas Abry, whom they had during their period on the lam. Due to Hirsch’s paranoia, they rarely stay in one town very long and frequently change identities. If Dad says they gotta go, they gotta go, no ifs ands or buts. This could cause a problem when the nearly graduating Phoenix is encouraged by a music teacher (Ed Crowley) to attend Julliard due to his gift with the piano. He is also dating said teacher’s rebellious daughter, played by Martha Plimpton. To accept this offer, Phoenix would have to leave the fold, and probably never see his family again. This would be impossible for Hirsch to accept (he sees the family as an unbreakable unit), but Lahti, a former music student with unfulfilled potent...

Mark Wahlberg is John, formerly a friendless child who once wished his teddy bear could really talk and be his one true friend. One fucked up Christmas wish granted later, and it comes true, causing a media frenzy in the process. Twenty years later, John is still best buds with Ted (voiced by Peter Grif...er...Seth MacFarlane), and they spend a lot of time together, usually smoking dope and talking about their love for all things “Flash Gordon” . Somehow, John has managed to get himself a hot girlfriend, played by Mila Kunis, who is starting to find Ted’s appeal wearing a bit thin. She wants John to get serious with her, and worries that he’ll be too busy goofing off with Ted to make a real commitment. Throw in an uber-creepy father (Giovanni Ribisi) and son who want to buy Ted from John, and “The Soup” host Joel McHale as Kunis’ lecherous boss, and you’ve got yourself a movie. Of some kind. Patrick Warburton turns up as a co-worker of John’s who may be gay, Jessica Barth plays a s...

Hugh Jackman plays a recently paroled computer hacker who isn’t even allowed to touch a computer anymore. That doesn’t stop sexy Halle Berry and her employer John Travolta (an anti-terrorist guy who may or may not be a terrorist himself) from trying to hire him to aid them in an almost $10 billion electronic bank robbery (hacking into a secret government account). Berry uses her sex appeal (and her $500,000 breasts), but what really gets the reluctant, relative nice guy Jackman on board is the chance to regain custody of his daughter (Camryn Grimes) from her porn star mother (Drea de Matteo) and mum’s porno director new squeeze. Don Cheadle plays an FBI agent well-known to Jackman, and possibly on another collision course with him. Vinnie Jones and William Mapother are associates of Travolta’s, and Sam Shepard plays a corrupt Senator.   A boring action/crime flick from 2001 is further rendered near unwatchable due to a wank-job treatment by director Dominic Sena (who bega...