Shameless Self Expression

Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and wayward brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) learn their father Odin (Sir Anthony Hopkins) is dying. Unfortunately, this also allows their previously unheard of sister Hela (Cate Blanchett) to emerge from imprisonment and try to take charge of Asgard. Jeff Goldblum plays The Grandmaster, who imprisons Thor and Loki on his planet at one point, forcing the former to partake in gladiatorial combat with a familiar face. Tessa Thompson plays a character named Valkyrie, Idris Elba briefly returns as Heimdall, and Karl Urban plays an untrustworthy idiot Asgardian named Skurge. I’m very, very much the wrong guy for this. I’ve not liked many of the MCU movies to date. Hell, I hated the first “Iron Man” movie. I didn’t like the first “Thor” much either. I did like “Thor: The Dark World” , but that makes me as much of an outcast as disliking the first film does. So now here we are with the seemingly very popular third instalment from 2017, directed by Kiwi filmmake...

Hopeless cop who can’t drive (Jimmy Fallon) hooks up with a sassy cab driver with a suped-up ride (Queen Latifah) to bust a gang of Brazilian bank-robbing supermodels. No, Really! Jennifer Esposito is the resident angry boss, who in a twist never really bothered with, used to date Fallon. Ann-Margret is scarily convincing as Fallon’s spacey, martini-loving mother. Too good-natured and low-aiming to really get mad at, this 2004 Tim Story ( “Barbershop” ) remake of a Luc Besson film might’ve been better if the Fallon-Latifah stuff was actually a subplot, and the supermodel bank robber stuff moved more to the fore...and if they added a little something called humour . A laughing gas scene and Ann-Margret acting drunk (I think she’s acting) reeks of desperation, and so do gags about suped-up cars and bad driving. Oscar nominee Latifah (whose dialogue is at least 50% comprised of the exclamation ‘ Damn !’, it seems) and Esposito (looking unhappy) are especially wasted, though the ...

Humans led by the ruthless Col. McCullough (Woody Harrelson) are tracking down Caesar (Andy Serkis in voice and mo-cap) and his band of apes, even using slave apes to serve as trackers for the humans. Caesar tries his best to keep the peace and not cause a war, but personal tragedy suffered by Caesar at the hands of The Colonel sees any kind of peaceful resolution highly unlikely. The modern “Planet of the Apes” series continues to get better and better with this 2017 film from director Matt Reeves (the awful “Cloverfield” , and the solid “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” ) and his co-writer Mark Bomback ( “Unstoppable” , “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” ). This modern series doesn’t exactly follow the trajectory of the originals (there’s only three as opposed to five films in the original cycle), but I think it’s safe to say that if you found the climax to “Battle for the Planet of the Apes” anti-climactic, this similarly titled film is for you. Length is this film’s only d...

Steve Zahn stars as Peter Gaulke, the son of a semi-famous wildlife TV show presenter who has tried to carry on the show that he has inherited. Unfortunately, he did not inherit his father’s talent and the show is awful and struggling in the ratings, near cancellation. But Zahn gets a call from a somewhat reliable source (Joe Don Baker) who says that he has a map that leads to the location of the White Whale of wildlife discoveries: Bigfoot. So with his equally incompetent crew in tow, they make a dash to Baker’s cabin, hoping to get to Bigfoot before Zahn’s smug and more high-profile rival Harry Hamlin does. Needless to say, the journey is full of mishaps, misadventure, shark and piranha attacks, penis-biting turkeys, and general incompetence. Zahn’s crew are played by Jonah Hill (with an awful Cajun-ish accent), Justin Long (as a weed-smoking idiot), Allen Covert (as the sound guy and co-producer), Peter Dante (who was one of the dopey head-bangers in “Little Nicky” ), and yes, Ern...

Set in L.A. 2049, Ryan Gosling is K, a blade runner and Replicant tasked by Lt. Joshi (Robin Wright) with tracking down and ‘retiring’ other, older model Replicants. On his latest mission, K and his colleagues are startled to discover something previously believed to be an impossibility: A deceased female Replicant who had apparently given birth! It turns out that the female Replicant was none other than Rachael (played in the 1982 original by Sean Young), so K goes in search of Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford). He’s also plagued by doubts of his own identity. Meanwhile Niander Wallace (Jared Leto), whose company is the successor to the Tyrell Corporation is also fascinated by this supposed miracle birth and sends a goon named Luv (Sylvia Hoeks) to take care of the situation. Ana de Armas is Joi, K’s female hologram companion, Edward James Olmos appears as an aged Gaff, while Mackenzie Davis and Dave Bautista are Replicants. If you’ve read enough of my reviews, you probably alrea...