Shameless Self Expression

Set in the year 2019 where 95% of the population are now vampires, meaning that human blood is becoming a rare commodity (being of course that it would require actual human beings), and humans are being farmed in a blood-milking factory. With the shortage of human blood, vampires are getting desperate and feral, even feeding on each other, causing all manner of problems (growing wings, for one thing). Sam Neill is the cold-blooded vampire head of the company running the factory/blood bank, and Ethan Hawke is a senior Haematologist. Hawke is also a vampire with a conscience, unhappy with the near-extinction of humanity. Although, the company he works for harvests human blood, Hawke is currently working on a blood substitute for the company. One night he stumbles upon a few surviving humans including Claudia Karvan, who leads him to Willem Dafoe, an ex-vampire who accidentally stumbled upon a cure for vampirism, which Hawke (who was ‘turned’ against his will) is very much in favour o...

Set in WWII times in England, we follow the adventures of the four Pevensie kids as they move in with eccentric professor Jim Broadbent (who is pretty badly wasted), and discover a magic wardrobe that transports them to the land of Narnia, which is ruled over by the sadistic, malevolent White Witch (Tilda Swinton), who keeps it forever winter, but never Christmas. James McAvoy plays Mr. Tumnus the well-meaning faun who first encounters the youngest Pevensie, Lucy, whilst snotty brother Edmond is recruited by the White Witch with promises of Turkish Delight (not to be confused with Afternoon Delight, which brings a whole different kind of pleasure!). Leading the charge for the creatures of Narnia to stand up against the White Witch is the Messianic lion Aslan (voiced by Liam Neeson), whilst the White Witch is served by a sinister pack of wolves. James Cosmo (Hamish’s insanely macho father in “Braveheart” ) has an inexplicable but amusing cameo as Father Christmas who appears to be d...

It’s the ultimate rock fantasy and loosely based on a true story; Set vaguely sometime in the 80s, Chris (Mark Wahlberg) is the passionate lead singer of a cover band of his favourite 80s heavy metal band, Steel Dragon. When Steel Dragon’s problematic lead singer (Jason Flemyng) is given the boot, the band are on the lookout for a new front man and have seen a tape of Chris’ meticulous recreation of Steel Dragon’s songs and his own vocal talents, invite him to join the band. Chris’ dream has come true, and right on time, considering his band mates were tiring of playing the same old stuff to his slavish dictating, and had just given him the boot, so they could pursue a different sound. He’s thrust in to the limelight, with a new name (‘Izzy’, of course), an inconsistent faux-British accent, and all the partying perks that go along with the rock star life. Chris’ girlfriend Jennifer Aniston isn’t so happy about that last one, feeling like he’s losing interest in her, and losing hims...

A presumably well-paid Eddie Murphy is the title smuggler turned nightclub owner on the moon (!) in the year 2087, who takes on a mysterious rich mob boss (whose identity results in one of the least interesting ‘surprise!’ twists/revelations ever ) who wants to muscle in on Pluto’s territory and buy the club. Pluto won’t budge, so some goons are sent after him, his loyal (but temperamental) robot bodyguard Randy Quaid (!), and his newest employee Rosario Dawson. Jay Mohr plays Murphy’s somewhat unscrupulous buddy, a horrendously confused lounge singer named Tony Francis whom Pluto once rescued from being whacked by goon Burt Young. Peter Boyle plays an old buddy, and John Cleese and Pam Grier are wasted as an irritable hologram chauffeur, and Pluto’s arse-kickin’ mother, respectively. Luis Guzman is likeable as an intergalactic thief who hero-worships former rogue Pluto. 2002 Ron Underwood (the underrated “Heart and Souls” , the popular “City Slickers” and the overpraised cu...

Exploring the personalities and rivalry between tennis great Bjorn Borg (Sverrir Gudnason) and tempestuous young American player John McEnroe (Shia LaBeouf) who may be Borg’s biggest barrier to a 5 th Wimbledon finals win. Stellan Skarsgaard plays Borg’s loyal coach. Directed by Janus Metz Pedersen (mostly from a TV and documentary background) and scripted by Ronnie Sandahl (writer-director of something called “Underdog” ), this 2017 flick is, like “Battle of the Sexes” a fine, but unremarkable retelling of a very memorable bit of sporting history. I’m not old enough to remember seeing Bjorn Borg play, but I did catch the tail end of John McEnroe’s career, and it’s interesting here to see two such seemingly polar opposite personalities pitted against one another. Yet, the film does show that even the ice-cool Borg had his tempestuous side as well. He just wasn’t a total douchebag about it like McEnroe. Borg had a lot of pressure on him and moments of self-doubt, he was prac...