Showing posts from December 7, 2014

Review: Emmanuelle 6

Professor Jean-Rene Gossart is treating an amnesiac named Emmanuelle (Natalie Uher), who due to her illness, no longer possesses her trademark sexuality. Through his treatment (using sexual arousal to trigger memories, I shit you not), the film slowly unravels in flashbacks, just how she came to be in this state. We find out that Emmanuelle was leading several fashion models on a cruise bound for Caracas. Meanwhile, a native stowaway (the singularly monikered Tamira) is hiding inside some luggage in Emmanuelle’s sleeping quarters. Unscrupulous ship captain Gustavo Rodrigues conspires to have the girls into slavery, and steal the jewels Emmanuelle and her models have on board for a fashion shoot. He is working in conjunction with a stereotypical evil rich dude, of course.

Although uber-producer/occasional director Roger Corman is actually listed as EP here in this 1988 “Emmanuelle” film, this film from director Bruno Zincone is a slight step in the direction of the better “Emmanuelle”

Review: Emmanuelle 5

Emmanuelle (Monique Gabrielle) is in Cannes promoting a pretentious sex film, which is causing quite the stir. Emmanuelle herself causes quite the stir when slightly ‘handsy’ fans cause her clothes to be entirely torn off. She ends up on the boat of an unwitting and frankly nerdy-looking rich dude named Charles D. Foster, who is initially annoyed, but when he realises she has great tits, they fall in love. Hey, I’m just calling it as I see it, OK? It’s not like the script is any help. Anyway, after this sexcapade on the seas, Emmanuelle finds herself in some fictional country of a vaguely Arab, vaguely Bengladeshi nature, and arousing the interest of a local Prince (Yaseen Khan). He claims to be a big admirer of her, and wants to premiere the film locally. In reality, he’s a cruel and creepy bastard who wants to add Emmanuelle to his harem. Aside from a nosy but well-intentioned tabloid photographer, Emmanuelle’s only hope of escape/rescue may lie with the unshaven adventurer Eddie (C…

Review: Independence Day

Aliens have arrived, hovering over various cities on Earth. But they aren’t friendly, blasting away without warning. Techno whiz Jeff Goldblum thinks he has decoded their transmissions, and tries to get his ex-wife and White House press secretary Margaret Colin to arrange a meeting with the President (Bill Pullman), a man he once got into a physical altercation with. They manage to evacuate the White House, as Goldblum tries to figure out a way to get past the aliens’ seemingly impenetrable shields. Meanwhile, Will Smith plays a marine fly boy called upon to join the fight to, as he puts it ‘kick ET’s ass’, alongside good buddy Harry Connick Jr. Randy Quaid turns up as a deadbeat dad and drunken crop-duster who claims to have had a ‘close encounter’ years back, Mary McDonnell is the First Lady, Vivica A. Fox is Smith’s stripper wife, Lisa Jakub is Quaid’s sulky daughter, Judd Hirsch is Goldblum’s very Jewish father, and Robert Loggia and James Rebhorn play military men of differing di…

Review: Ghost Team One

Carlos Santos and horndog roommate J.R. Villarreal (but you can call them Harold and Kumar) are told by the beautiful Fernanda (Fernanda Romero) that a ghostly spirit is haunting their house. A crazy, slutty Asian ghostly spirit. The trio decide to set up video cameras everywhere to try and capture some ghostly goings on, whilst Santos and Villarreal also try to get into Fernanda’s pants. Tony Cavalero plays their mean-spirited, racist, recovering drug addict roommate who is currently going through a phase of hating…well, everyone and everything.

If it weren’t for the charming and sexy Fernanda Romero, this 2013 horror comedy from directors Ben Peyser and Scott Rutherford would be truly unbearable. I’m not going to claim that Romero is the next big thing, but she’s interesting enough and hot enough to be remembered in this otherwise utterly forgettable film.

There’s something potentially amusing about the ineptitude of these characters, but not enough to make the grade. Scripted by An…

Review: Igor

Set in the kingdom of Malaria, the title character (voiced by John Cusack) is servant to evil scientist Dr. Glickenstein (voiced by John Cleese). It’s Igor’s dream, however, to be a scientist himself and submitting his own creation for the annual Evil Science Fair. When the evil doctor finds himself permanently void from this mortal coil, Igor sees this as his chance to prove himself. Along with sidekicks Scamper (a terminally depressed rabbit voiced by Steve Buscemi) and Brian (a brain in a jar voiced by Sean Hayes, so stupid that he got the spelling on the label wrong), Igor sets about creating evil…or as it turns out, Eva (voiced by Molly Shannon). However, the hulking female turns out somewhat defective…she’s too nice and placid! Igor tries to rectify this with a ‘brainwash’ procedure that just makes Eva annoying, now. Meanwhile, rival evil scientist Dr. Schadenfreude (voiced by Eddie Izzard) gets wind of what Igor is doing, and hopes to pilfer his ideas (which one suspects is how…

Review: Catch Me If You Can

Leonardo DiCaprio stars as Frank Abagnale Jr., who lived a remarkable life as a con man from ages 16-21. During this time he posed as a pilot, a doctor, and even a lawyer, getting away with millions through charm and phony cheques. In pursuit of Frank for all these years is humourless FBI man Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks), whilst Christopher Walken plays Frank’s ne’er do well father, who loves his son and will try to protect him, no matter what he does, perhaps because he sees his own dealings with the IRS may have in some way influenced his son’s life of trickery and deceit. Amy Adams turns up as a na├»ve nurse who falls for Frank (posing as a doctor), with Martin Sheen as her loving father who becomes fond of Frank. We know this can’t last, though, as the spectre of Hanratty is never too far away.

He doesn’t always hit the bullseye, but I regard Steven Spielberg (“Jaws”, “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, “Minority Report”, “War of the Worlds”) as one of the best and most important filmmakers of…