Shameless Self Expression

A policeman and a realtor discuss the horrific history of a house that is believed to be cursed. The tales are as follows :- 1) “Method for Murder” – A horror writer (Denholm Elliott) is convince that his latest creation, a monstrous strangler, is doing unimaginable, violent deeds. His wife (Joanna Dunham) claims it is actually Elliott doing the violence. 2) “Waxworks” – A retiree (Peter Cushing) is convinced there’s something sinister at a local wax museum. Wolfe Morris plays the creepy curator, Joss Ackland plays Cushing’s old friend come to visit. 3) “Sweets to the Sweet” – Humourless widow Christopher Lee hires Nyree Dawn Porter to tutor his young daughter (Chloe Franks). She’s troubled, though at first Porter suspects her icy father might be the reason for that. However, this girl may not be all sweetness and sunshine. 4) “The Cloak” – A cantankerous horror movie star (Jon Pertwee) acquires a new cloak for an upcoming role. The seller (Geoffrey Bayldon) claims it once belonged...

We’re in the land of Eternia. The evil Skeletor (Frank Langella) has imprisoned the Sorceress (the unfortunately named Christina Pickles), who is crucial to the balance of the universe or something. Our hero is He-Man (Dolph Lundgren) who encounters a gnome-like inventor named Gwildor (Billy Barty, naturally), who shows He-Man his doo-hickey called The Cosmic Key, a device that can open doors in time and space, a device that Skeletor greatly desires and is searching for. And you guessed it, when Skeletor’s cronies come a-knockin’, Gwildor presses a few buttons on the Cosmic Key, and before long Gwildor, He-Man, and his trusty aides Man-at-Arms (Jon Cypher) and Teela (Chelsea Field) are transported to 1980s Earth. There the key ends up in the hands of amateur musician Kevin (Robert Duncan McNeill), who is having relationship problems with pretty Julie (Courteney Cox). He finds the Cosmic Key and instantly knows it’s like totally a brand new Japanese synthesiser. Yeah, nah. While He-Man ...

Set in America in the 1960s, Viggo Mortensen stars as Tony Vallelonga, a beefy nightclub bouncer who finds himself somewhat between jobs. He gets an offer from African-American classical musician Dr. Shirley (Mahershala Ali) to act as his chauffeur and personal assistant for a two-month tour of the Southern states of America. Yeah. A black man, in the South, during the 60s. At first, Tony refuses, not wanting to wait on anyone hand and foot, let alone a black man. However, the costs of needing to support his wife (Linda Cardellini) and family sees the rather uncouth, uncivilised ‘Tony Lip’ agreeing to the paid gig. They quickly and frequently get on each other’s nerves; Tony never shuts up, the Doctor is uptight and humourless. It’s a reverse “Driving Miss Daisy” , basically.   People tend to think the Academy Awards get the Best Picture wrong almost every year, it seems. My favourite film of the year quite often isn’t nominated, so I get it. I agree with general retrospective ...

Set in the post-apocalyptic future of…2019. A motley gang called the Templars roams the landscape in an array of vehicles, with their sole mission to wipe the land free of humanity. Well, except for themselves, one presumes. The Templars, by the way, are an all-male gang. Standing up against the likes of One (George Eastman) and his henchmen Shadow (Ennio Girolami) and Mako (Massimo Vanni), is ex-Templar Skorpion (Giancarlo Prete), who makes a reluctant alliance with former rival Nadir (Fred Williamson) to take the Templars down as they target a small community of pacifist religious folk. Anna Kanakis plays a slave woman Skorpion picks up along the way.   AKA “The New Barbarians” , AKA “Mad Max 2” melded with a spaghetti western. “Mad Max 2” was a big deal in Italy, it seems. If you’re a film buff/movie lover such as myself, you’ll be aware that Italian filmmakers ripped off “Mad Max 2” about a gazillion times over the years. This 1983 blend of “Mad Max 2” and The Corman/B...

  Siblings Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Pierce move into a new house with their rather cold mother (Bebe Neuwirth, natch), and find an old board game they’ve never heard of called “Jumanji”. They decide to play it, and each turn they take seems to unleash a new stampeding wild animal causing havoc. Also turning up out of nowhere is a shaggy Robin Williams, as a man who has been trapped inside the game ever since he was a little boy. Bonnie Hunt and David Alan Grier play figures from Williams’ past.   We all loved and miss Robin Williams terribly, I’m sure. He gave us lots of laughs, and unforgettable films and characters. Let’s face it though, he also gave us some of the worst or at least most disappointing films as well. “Toys” , “Jack” , “Hook” , “What Dreams May Come” , and this 1995 magical board game movie from director Joe Johnston, all struck me as films that could’ve, and should’ve worked…but to some degree or another, didn’t . I haven’t watched “What Dreams May Com...