Showing posts from November 27, 2011


Review: Bloody Birthday Doctor Jose Ferrer delivers three babies in quick succession during a total eclipse of the sun. Years later, the trio of babies (now played by Billy Jacoby, Andy Freeman, and Elizabeth Hoy) have grown up to become homicidal 10 year-olds! It’s up to young K.C. Martel and his older sister Lori Lethin to stop the little menaces, as townsfolk keep getting bumped off. But...they’re just kids...they couldn’t...could they? Needless to say, our heroes don’t get a lot of sympathetic ears in town, but yes, due to Saturn (a planet that controls our emotions, apparently) being blocked due to the eclipse, these kids end up homicidal maniacs. Susan Strasberg turns up briefly as a teacher, whilst Julie Brown (of “Earth Girls Are Easy” semi-fame) has a supporting role as Lethin’s party girl best friend whose frequent disrobing in her bedroom gets used by her little sister Hoy as a money-making exercise involving a hidden peephole. Yeah, these kids are sick, and don


Review: Twilight: Eclipse Whilst bloodsucker Edward (Robert Pattinson) and werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) are busy insisting that Bella (Kristen Stewart) loves them and not the other, the other members of Edward’s clan have heard word of a new vampire army created by the vengeful Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) and headed by Riley (Australia’s own Xavier Samuel) are on their way and targeting Bella. So the two himbo rivals must put their differences aside in order to come together and protect the girl they both love. Peter Facinelli, Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, and Kellan Lutz return as Edward’s ‘family’, Dakota Fanning appears briefly once again as vampire Jane, Anna Kendrick plays Bella’s friend Jessica, and Billy Burke and Sarah Clarke play Bella’s parents. There’s only two reasons why I bothered with this film, the third in the “Twilight” series; 1) It was on TV, and as you know I have no life, and 2) The previous film, “New Moon” sucked ever so slightly less than the fir


Review: Shogun A nine hour miniseries in which Richard Chamberlain stars as Maj. Blackthorne, a British navigator of a Dutch merchant ship who after a storm, is shipwrecked off the coast of Japan in the 16 th century. In addition to the Japanese locals, Blackthorne finds himself amongst Portuguese traders and Jesuit priests (They’re Catholics, he’s a Protestant). He and the surviving crew are swiftly imprisoned and accused of piracy by the Jesuits (who are at war with the Dutch). The local lord, Toranaga (Toshiro Mifune) takes an interest in Blackthorne, though, or ‘anjin’ as he is dubbed (it means ‘pilot’), and wants to hear his story, assigning the lovely Lady Toda (Yoko Shimada) as his translator. Before long, Blackthorne has become involved in the political struggle between Lord Toranaga and his rival as Toranaga aims to be Shogun (kind of an uber-warlord). He also begins a forbidden romance with the married Lady Toda. John Rhys-Davies is Blackthorne’s friendly Portug

Review: 20th Century Boys Trilogy

Review: 20 th Century Boys Part 1 A group of kids in the 70s who would have secret meetings together in a makeshift clubhouse are reunited around 25 years later when strange things start happening. It appears that a new and increasingly powerful cult has come to prominence. What is important here is that a) The current situation appears frighteningly similar to the apocalyptic stories spun as an adolescent by Kenji (Toshiaki Karasawa), and 2) Mysterious cult leader ‘Friend’ is more than likely one of his childhood inner circle. But who? Kenji is a former rock star now living the quiet life working at the family convenience store and looking after his missing sister’s daughter. When one of the old gang turns up dead and leaves some cryptic notes, Kenji decides to get the gang back together to work out just who ‘Friend’ is, and try to remember enough about his ‘Book of Prophecies’ to work out how to stop his end of the world plans. Etsushi Toyokawa plays Kenji’s grown-up best f

10 Best/Worst Remakes of All-Time:

Remakes of films based on literary works included. Movies from TV shows excluded. It's not exact science, but I've tried my best here. Thank God I didn't love or hate Adam Shankman's "Hairspray" enough to try and figure out if it applies as a remake of the original film or not. I've also not included Peter Jackson's "Lord of the Rings" films simply because the previous Ralph Bakshi version didn't cover much of the material, so that makes my head spin just thinking about whether it really exists as a real film version, especially given Jackson split things into three films with their own titles. So, in reverse order and starting with the best remakes... Best Remakes- 10. Jane Eyre (1944)/The Fly (1986): Is this a cheat? Yup. And your point? The 1944 version of “Jane Eyre” is easily the best, and it’s probably the most palatable for male audiences, as it’s not just a costume drama for chicks. This is a gloomy, brood


Review: The Dilemma Vince Vaughn finds himself in a pickle when he catches the wife (Winona Ryder) of his best friend and co-worker (Kevin James) in a compromising position with a moronic douchebag named Zip (Channing Tatum, hard-working but unfunny). Does he tell his buddy what’s going on even though James is already obsessing and worrying about their big business presentation? Apparently no, he doesn’t, at least not at first. Meanwhile, Vaughn (whose character is also a recovering gambling addict) is contemplating the rest of his life with his own girlfriend, played by Jennifer Connelly. Chelcie Ross plays the major car manufacturer head honcho the boys are trying to impress, Rance Howard is Connelly’s dad (actually he’s Ron Howard’s dad, but anyway...), and Queen Latifah plays a dirty-minded auto executive who likes the boys’ unorthodox viewpoint and methods. How is it that a solid filmmaker like Ron Howard ( “Apollo 13” , “Ransom” , “A Beautiful Mind” , “Cinderella Ma

Review: I’m Still Here

Casey Affleck documents his brother-in-law Joaquin Phoenix’s rejection of the movie business to become a white rapper. With a ‘homeless guy’ beard. Lots of incoherent ranting, incoherent whining, and incoherent rapping ensues. I have seen this Casey Affleck (brother of Ben and Best Supporting Actor Oscar-nominee for “The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford” ) mockumentary long after the director’s interview where he finally confessed that yes, this was all just a hoax. Personally, and I’m not bragging but I picked it long beforehand. I kinda thought most people did, actually. The infamous Dave Letterman interview, to be specific is where I picked up on it. I’d seen Joaquin acting bizarrely on chat shows before (I can’t remember if it was Leno or Conan, but I do remember one interview before all of this where he was clearly on something the entire time), but this is the interview everyone remembers. Part of that is because of Letterman’s hilarious closing line