Shameless Self Expression

Margot Kidder (with a perfectly fine French accent) is Danielle, a sweet, if flighty French-Canadian model in NYC who brings home a man she met on a “Candid Camera”-style TV show they were both on. They make love, and the next morning Danielle wakes up to find the dude is dead. She blames it on her twin sister (until recently, conjoined) Dominique, who is apparently evil and murderous. From this point, the film shifts its focus to nosy journo Jennifer Salt, who witnesses the murder from her apartment across the street, and is convinced Danielle did it, not Dominique. She sets about proving it, with help from portly PI Charles Durning. Meanwhile, Danielle’s creepy-looking ex-husband (William Finley) has turned up and helps her dispose of the body inside her couch-bed combo, and clean the apartment up before Salt and the cops (led by Dolph Sweet) turn up. They’re already predisposed not to believe her because she’s annoying and has written unflattering things about cops in the past. ...

American girls in Germany (Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie) find themselves in need of roadside assistance when their car breaks down on their way to a party. Eventually they decide to walk to someone’s house and make a phone call, and this leads them to the premises of a serious-looking man named Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser). He’s not terribly helpful, though. In fact, he’s incredibly messed-up in the head and after drugging a glass of water given to the girls, he has forced them to take part in his bizarro surgical procedures. The goal? To create a perfect ‘human centipede’. And how is this achieved? Let’s just say you definitely don’t want to be the middle part. Eeeewwwww. Akihiro Kitamura plays the third ‘part’ of the human centipede.   Oh boy. So it’s come to this. Bring that I don’t much like the torture porn side of horror, I knew going into this notorious 2009 film from-writer director Tom Six that I wouldn’t like it. What I didn’t know at the time wa...

Henry Cavill plays a young businessman trying to deal with some rather dire financial problems, before deciding to leave it all behind and go on a sailing vacation with his family in Spain, including parents Bruce Willis and Caroline Goodall, as well as his brother and the latter’s girlfriend. Cavill decides to stop for supplies onshore whilst the boat is docked, and when he returns...everyone is missing, though the boat is still there. The corrupt local cops are no help, and things seem awfully suspicious to say the least. And that’s when dear old (hard arse) dad resurfaces to tell him that he’s actually CIA, and the family disappearance is all his fault. Terrorists (or are they?) have the family and won’t give them up until Willis gives them what they need (something about a MacGuffin...er...briefcase). Sigourney Weaver plays Willis’ old partner who is no help whatsoever (wanting the briefcase herself), Veronica Echegui plays a pretty local who helps Cavill, and Joseph Mawle play...

Centring on the invasion of Guadalcanal (in the Solomon Islands) in WWII, Keir Dullea is the Private always looking for a pistol to protect himself from potential death at the hand of enemy Japanese soldiers. He gets on the wrong side of embittered and battle experienced Sgt. Jack Warden, whose antagonistic tactics are either outright bullying with a side order of psychological torment, or a strategic attempt to prepare his men for the madness of war. Unfortunately, Dullea seems hell-bent on not following Warden’s sometimes petty goading masquerading as orders (e.g. Asking Dullea to complete a task he knows Dullea has already completed). When Dullea manages to kill a Japanese soldier (which seems to please the blood-thirsty Warden in a still shockingly brutal scene), something inside him appears to have snapped. Aren’t these two guys supposed to be on the same side? Are they almost as bad as each other? Ray Daley plays Capt. Stone, who always tries to look out for his men, but may be...