Shameless Self Expression

The title character (voiced by Antonio Banderas), a Zorro-esque romantic, swashbuckling rogue, attempts to steal magic beans from the grotesque Jack and Jill, only to be interrupted by the masked cat burglar Kitty Softpaws (voiced by Salma Hayek), who in turn is in cahoots with Puss’ long-estranged brother (well, sorta) Humpty Dumpty. Humpty was responsible for the once heralded hero Puss being marked as an outlaw in town, after Humpty unwittingly getting him involved in a bank robbery. Humpty, who paid for his crimes in prison, says he wants a chance to make things right with his former orphanage companion, and wants Puss to join himself and Kitty in stealing the beans. Apparently the beans will sprout a beanstalk that leads to a castle in the sky, and the Golden Goose who will lay golden eggs. But is Humpty to be trusted?   Given he stole the show in “Shrek 2” , it’s little surprise that the swashbuckling cat voiced by Antonio Banderas would get his own spin off. Wh...

Carly Schroeder and her pals are hanging out in the cemetery like they used to do as kids, but it seems someone wants to spoil their fun, bumping them all off one by one. A series of flashbacks suggest something or someone in their past has reappeared in the present. Christopher Atkins briefly appears as the father of Schroeder and her brother Cody Lindley.   Directed by Tyler Oliver and written by the director and Jamieson Stern, this 2009 teen horror pic contains one very strange element in an otherwise entirely nondescript and frankly boring film. It is apparently from 2009, but the film at times could pass for several different eras and even countries in horror filmmaking. There’s elements of J-horror in plot, but also 80s slasher elements at other times ( “Prom Night” especially). Visually it seems to want to evoke 70s horror, yet looks like a low-budgeter from 1994 and occasionally throws in a J-horror ghostie as well as that low-angle ‘running while the camera is ...

An assortment of teens (including Josh Hutcherson) and the school principal (a miscast Dane Cook) have to band together to stay alive as a serial killer named Cinderhella starts slashing its way through the school. But things only get weirder from there, as even time travel works its way into the plot.   There were two things immediately apparent from this flick directed and co-written by “Torque” director Joseph Kahn; 1) It’s the most aggressively obnoxious film of its year, and 2) The film has no idea how incredibly unfunny and unlikeable it is. At times it seemingly wants to be the “Zombieland” of slasher movies, but the problem is that “Scream” already did it. Four times. Two of those times were actually good. This is like if “Juno” wrote a slasher film that wasn’t called “Jennifer’s Body” . I hated “Juno” so much on a cellular level that it’s one of the few major films I’ve yet to watch in its entirety. I just don’t think I can do it, and yet...I sat all the way...

Jaime King and husband Frank Grillo are having a party in their basement with three other couples in the home they just bought. Unfortunately, the festivities are short-lived as three criminal brothers (Patrick Flueger, Warren Kole, and Matt O’Leary) burst in. They used to own the home, but since they haven’t kept in touch with their mother, they’re unaware that the house had been sold. Whilst the couples are held hostage, doctor Shawn Ashmore is forced at gunpoint to attend to the severely wounded O’Leary. Finally, mother (Rebecca DeMornay) shows up, along with the boys’ sister Deborah Ann Woll. Mother chastises her offspring for their inhospitable behaviour, however, once she realises that her sons had mistakenly sent the money they reappropriated in a string of bank robberies to this address, she sets about having people tortured to get King and Grillo to fess up to its whereabouts. She does bake everyone a cake, however.   Apparently the 80s original was a blend of b...