Showing posts from July 1, 2012

Review: Galaxy Quest

Although the title TV show was cancelled in 1982, the stars of the once hit show still eke out a living by making appearances at conventions where they generally lament their current situ, as well as complain about the enormous ego of the show’s ‘star’ Jason Nesmith (Tim Allen clearly playing William Shatner). Shakespearean actor Alexander Dane (Alan Rickman), for instance, feels physically sick at the mere thought of being asked to repeat his character’s stupid catch phrase, let alone being depressed by his inability to land any other gigs. At one such convention, Nesmith is approached by goofy-looking sorts claiming to be an alien race called Thermians (who look a bit like Romulans). Nesmith brushes them off as annoying fans, but it turns out that the Thermians (led by an irritating Enrico Colantoni) are real aliens, who somehow mistake transmissions of “Galaxy Quest” for real historical documents from Earth (people don’t tell lies where they’re from), and have thus come to request …

Review: Beyond Mombasa

Cornel Wilde plays a hard-drinking, somewhat selfish American in Africa searching for the killers of his brother, who may have met foul play, whether it be at the hands of the legendary native tribe of ‘Leopard Men’, indulging in black magic and the like or something a little more simple, like a business deal gone wrong. Ron Randell is chief suspect numero uno, as the business partner of the brother, whilst joining Wilde are Donna Reed as a pretty anthropologist, and Leo Genn as her genial missionary uncle. Christopher Lee plays a famed white hunter who also joins the group on their expedition.

Not bad 1956 George Marshall (“Destry Rides Again”, “How the West Was Won”) adventure set in Africa is fairly typical stuff but a dated and transparent plot involving ‘Leopard Men’, and a seriously unpleasant characterisation by Wilde in the supposed hero role, leave a bad taste in the mouth. Wilde is seriously rude and unlikeable for the most part.

Some of the action is quite exciting, Reed is…

Review: Bridesmaids

Kristen Wiig’s lifelong bestie Maya Rudolph is getting married, and as Maid of Honour, Wiig wants to give her the best celebration ever. Unfortunately, Rudolph has recently become friendly with Rose Byrne, which proves a threat not only to Wiig’s celebratory plans for Rudolph, but their relationship itself. A rather sad game of one-up(wo)manship between insecure Wiig and wealthy, type-A personality Byrne begins. Meanwhile, Wiig has other problems. She lives with two fat, lazy Brits (Matt Lucas and Rebel Wilson) who invade her privacy. Her bakery went kaput. And she recently ended her shallow relationship with stud Jon Hamm. She has become interested in nice guy Irish cop Chris O’Dowd, but with everything else going on, she inadvertently starts to neglect him. Melissa McCarthy, Ellie Kemper, and Wendi McLendon-Covey play the other bridesmaids, Jill Clayburgh makes her last film appearance as Wiig’s mother, and Franklyn Ajaye is Rudolph’s dad.

Directed by Paul Feig (who comes from a bac…

10 Worst Music Videos of All-Time

We all have our own favourite music videos, at least those of us born around or after the MTV era. Whether it’s Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal”, Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer”, or The Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” (to name my three personal favourite videos), I could go on and on about the subject. But being the sick bastard I am, I sometimes get more personal delight in talking about the crappy videos. Admit it, you do too. I guess my fascination with bad movies spills over into other forms of media. So here I present to you in reverse order, the absolute crappiest music videos I’ve ever seen. Feel free to disagree or mock me. Actually, don’t mock me, you’ll hurt my feelings. You don’t want to see a grown man cry do you?

Dishonourable Mention:
Invisible Man- Queen
Freddy Mercury plays the invisible man who turns up in a young boy’s bedroom. Need I go on? Worst song of Queen’s otherwise stellar career, by the way.

10. Safety Dance- Men Without Hats
Midgets, renaissance fairs, incompetent d…

Review: Kiss of the Vampire

Mortal Katherine Hawkes falls for vampire Daniel Goddard, and his brethren (principally Gary Daniels, of all people) are fearful of exposure, but Goddard is seriously contemplating having himself ‘cured’ of vampirism so he can truly be with Hawkes. Meanwhile, Hawkes’ scientist father (Nick Jameson) has hooked up with a nasty secretive corporation headed by Eric Etabari, who is searching for the key to immortality. Throw in a vampire hunter (Matthias Hues), a dwarf (Phil Fondacaro), and small roles for recognisable faces like Costas Mandylor and Martin Kove (as stereotypical thugs), and you’ve got one bizarre and terrible film.

Directed by Joe Tornatore (“Demon Keeper” with Edward Albert Jr., and Dirk Benedict) and scripted by lead actress Katherine Hawkes, this 2009 vampire film is dull, incoherent, and poorly made on just about every level I can think of. And what’s up with the C-grade action cast (Daniels, Hues, Kove)? So horribly made and lame that it looks like an EI Cinema/ Seduc…