Review: Newcastle

Set in the titular industrial city north of Sydney (I didn’t even know it had beaches!), this surfie drama concerns Lachlan Buchanan, an aspiring surfer like his bullying, embittered elder half-brother (Reshad Strik) who had to give up a promising career himself after an injury. Now Buchanan has just been booted from trials for the Junior Surf Pro and just wants to get away from it all. And when he’s offered the chance to go away for a weekend with his mates (including the equally irresponsible Israel Cannan and cool ‘Bronzed Aussie’ Kirk Jenkins), he jumps at the chance, even if it means having to let his effete, possibly gay brother Xavier Samuel tag along (who seems to have a crush on or at least hero-worship Jenkins). The gang also acquire a couple of bikini babes (Rebecca Breeds and Debra Ades) along the way, to make things more pleasing on the (male) eye. Shane Jacobson and Joy Smithers play the parental figures, the former works in the coal industry with brooding Strik, whom he always favoured. Barry Otto plays the peculiar Granddad, who proves to be just about Samuel’s only friend and confidante. Gigi Edgley is the woman Strik managed to get pregnant, who wants nothing to do with the drunken lout.

2008 Aussie drama from debut writer-director Dan Castle (apparently an American-born filmmaker, interestingly enough) probably meant a lot to him and maybe even to a lot of Newcastle residents (hence the cameo by a certain-unnamed by me- bi-polar suffering, ex-rugby league player whose entire career was a sham IMHO), but to me, it looks like a million other Aussie pics about awkward beach-going youngsters (“Puberty Blues” being the most obvious, “Blackrock” being the most similar), and with a lot of surfing thrown in (including a cameo by pro Layne Beachley, easily the dorkiest-looking woman I’ve ever seen. Sorry, can’t stand her). I find surfing a most illogical, mindless pastime that I cannot bring myself to call a sport.

None of these characters are remotely interesting (you’ll want to knock Cannan flat!), the performances uneven (Strik, in particular is terrible), and there’s a gay subplot that goes nowhere (nor does Otto’s role as an oddball, outcast Grandfather that is sketchily written), but worst of all, our main character (played blandly by Buchanan) is pretty repugnant, a massive hurdle the film can’t get over. We’re meant to identify with him, but he’s not worth the audience’s time or sympathy. Breeds is absolutely gorgeous, and on Aussie TV dramas (“Home and Away” and “Blue Water High”, both youth-oriented, surf-and-sand related shows) has shown a reasonable talent, but doesn’t get anything to do here. Samuel has gone on to moderate success since the film, but isn’t anything special here. It’s up to “Kenny” himself, Jacobson to add some genuine heart and authenticity, as a well-meaning but pretty ineffectual dad, with a pretty crappy trio of sons. Unfortunately, one good performance can’t save a formulaic, stale enterprise that will have pretty limited appeal at best.

I’m beyond sick of Aussie sun-and-surf flicks, sorry, and this one’s not even a good one. Even the surfing footage is poorly filmed, it’s all a bit confusing to the untrained eye, which is a big no-no, when the surf scenes are directly related to the plot of the film. A major stuff-up there in a rather ordinary film.

Rating: C