Review: That’s My Boy

Andy Samberg is the grown-up product of an illicit affair between a 13 year-old kid (Justin Weaver) and his seriously hot teacher (the latter played early on by Eva Amurri Martino). Years later, Samberg’s dad (now a washed-up ‘celebrity’ of-sorts played by Adam Sandler) wants to reconcile with his son, who is about to be married to wealthy heiress Leighton Meester and wants nothing to do with his estranged father. He views him as somewhat of an embarrassment on the level of a grubby venereal disease, and instead begrudgingly introduces him to the in-laws as an old buddy. Of course, Sandler has ulterior motives in wanting this reunion. He owes the IRS, is facing jail time, and has concocted a reality TV-style reunion pitch between himself, Samberg, and his jailbird mother. The supporting cast is full of Sandler cronies (Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, Will Forte, Colin Quinn, Nick Swardson, Blake Clark), celebrity cameos (Ian Ziering, Vanilla Ice and Todd Bridges as themselves, James Caan as a priest), as well as Milo Ventimiglia as Meester’s homophobic, bullying, military man brother, and Peggy Stewart as her horny grandmother.

 

Adam Sandler went 0-2 in 2011 with the desperate “Just Go With It” and the pathetic “Jack & Jill”, his worst film to date. Well, in 2012 he gave us this Sean Anders (the average comedy “Sex Drive”) directed dud, which although an improvement over “Jack & Jill”, is still a supremely lazy, cynical effort. Either that, or Sandler thinks this is genuinely funny, in which case, someone needs to slap him with a wet fish. Preferably a halibut. It’s as if Sandler cast the film full of well-known names and faces (many of whom are his friends and cronies), and just expected the laughs to take care of themselves. I’m sorry Mr. Sandler, but the basic premise of this film isn’t really appropriate for comedy (it’s statutory rape, after all), and playing almost my entire MP3 collection doesn’t make for a good movie (And why include several Van Halen songs only to exclude the most obviously relevant one, ‘Hot for Teacher’?). Nor does peppering the film with more swearing than “Funny People”, which at least had the benefit of being, y’know, his best work to date. The opening ten minutes in particular has way too many musical interludes for what is essentially a prologue.

 

Eva Amurri is hot as hell (daaaammmnn!), her mum’s casting is the only big laugh in the film (though ironically, she’s too old for the role given the time frame), the kid playing the junior version of Sandler is apt, but the rest is the damn shits. Speaking of shits, though, the taser scene wasn’t too bad. Fart gags are occasionally amusing, they just are. But believe me, there’s a whole lot of gags that misfire here, and badly. Sandler himself is appalling (pretty much ripping off his pal David Spade’s “Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star”), and at times seriously embarrassing. The tattoo joke isn’t funny for all the effort it probably took the makeup department, and Sandler should be truly ashamed of the scene where he masturbates to a photo of Meester’s grandmother (Peggy Stewart). Even for the guy who made “Jack & Jill”, that’s appallingly unfunny and disgusting. Yes, the use of ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ on the soundtrack was apt, but not exactly a ‘joke’. Once again he adopts an idiotic voice for no reason whatsoever, and even “SNL” comedian Andy Samberg isn’t funny here.

 

Meanwhile, as much as the film is able to explain the miniscule age gap between father and son here (12 years in real-life), there’s no escaping the fact that Leighton Meester is way too young to be interested in Mr. Samberg. Also, why would Amurri’s character have been in prison for so damn long for statutory rape? That made no sense whatsoever. But believe me, even if you buy that, there’s so much more here to complain about, including Nick Swardson with a mullet and a morbidly obese stripper, though a Motley Crue musical cue (‘Looks That Kill’) made me chuckle. Cameos by Vanilla Ice and Todd Bridges (unwisely shown taking drugs at one point) fail to generate any laughs. I guess Ice was meant to be the film’s Mike Tyson, but he and especially Bridges are completely useless here (and I didn’t even like “The Hangover”). I’m also surprised Ice allowed his signature tune to be played, since he apparently despises his old image. Milo Ventimiglia almost made me laugh when he seemed to quote R. Lee Ermey in “Full Metal Jacket”, but I’m not even sure that was intentional. James Caan, meanwhile, should not be here. After Pacino flat out embarrassing himself in “Jack & Jill” and Caan here, I wonder if for his next film, Sandler digs up the corpse of Marlon Brando and goes for the trifecta. Sandler also does “SNL” alum Ana Gasteyer and Will Forte no favours with unfunny roles, but then Forte is one of the least amusing comedians in “SNL” history.

 

This is lazy-arse filmmaking, short on laughs and disastrously long in length, at just shy of two freaking hours. “Funny People” earned the right to run that long because it was well-written, funny, and surprisingly affecting. This...probably earned several Razzies, and like “Jack & Jill” it didn’t do much business at the box-office, usually Sandler’s safety net. He needs to think about that. The script had uncredited rewrites from Sandler himself, Tim Herlihy (co-writer of two of Sandler’s best films, “Little Nicky” and “Bedtime Stories”), Robert Smigel (the “SNL” cartoon guy), David Wain, and Ken Marino (of “Wet Hot American Summer” and the appalling “Wanderlust”), but is ultimately credited to (i.e. blamed on) David Caspe, whose only other credit is a sitcom called “Happy Endings”. Six people of alleged comedic credibility involved in the screenplay and the high points are one piece of stunt casting and a fart gag? Oh dear. It’s all well and good to make different kinds of films, but for Sandler to go from “Funny People” to his next three films isn’t doing different kinds of films, it’s simply following up 2009’s best film with three of the worst films of 2011-2012. Unsurprisingly, the film was produced by several of Sandler’s ‘Yes Men’. He really needs to start collaborating with a fresh crowd, I think. But then, he clearly doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. 

 

Rating: D+