Review: Celeste and Jesse Forever

The title characters (played by Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg, respectively) are formerly a married couple who continue to remain best friends after ending the romantic relationship. This is at the mild disdain and confusion of their engaged friends Eric Christian Olsen and Ari Graynor who find their behaviour and quirky banter bizarre and off-putting. But although the ambitious ‘trend spotter’ Celeste and infrequently employed artist Jesse are wildly different in many ways, they still manage to venture where few others have done so, and keep their friendship after the marriage has fizzled. That’s their story, at any rate, and they’re in the process of a divorce anyway. To anyone paying attention, the duo are still very much in love, which poses quite the problem when Jesse- sick of waiting around for Celeste to change her mind about the divorce he never really wanted- has moved on to the casual dating scene.

 

And that’s when things really go awry, as one of Jesse’s one-night stands changes his whole life forever. Celeste, upon hearing this news is shattered, seemingly now realising that she really wants to be with Jesse after all. But former slacker Jesse has different priorities now, so Celeste may just be a little too late. Meanwhile, nice guy Chris Messina has arrived on the scene, intent on winning Celeste for himself. Elijah Wood turns up as Celeste’s tragically un-hip, possibly gay co-worker.

 

Lee Toland Krieger (in his second and most high-profile film to date) may be the director, but alongside Will McCormack, Rashida Jones co-scripts, produces and stars in this 2012 attempt at a modern romantic comedy. I used to think of Ms. Jones as talented, likeable, and intelligent, but on evidence in this film…well it gives me pause. “Like Crazy” did this material so, so much better. That film had likeable characters occasionally behaving in selfish ways that at the end of the day you could understand and rationalise. Celeste and Jesse, by contrast are insufferably irritating and unlikeable twits, immature users incapable of committing to one person, and at one point **** SPOILER WARNING **** they were messing around with the life/future of an unborn child. That shit just ain’t right, and was far too messy for a romantic comedy not to collapse from underneath all that weight. **** END SPOILER **** At one point Celeste accuses Jesse of being childish, but she’s completely infantile too!

 

Truth be told, the characters lost me from moment one. The supposedly quirky banter between the lead characters is nowhere near as amusing as it was in “The Five Year Engagement”, a much better and more mature modern romance (And don’t even get me started on the ‘quirky’ soundtrack full of artists who can’t sing, like Biz Markie). They are annoying idiots, not cute or endearing. Their friends are right, they’re under the mistaken impression that they have separated. They clearly haven’t, and whilst they continue to deny this and act like infantile morons, they leave a trail of bodies behind that is larger than in some slasher films. I know that the lovers in denial thing is a staple of the genre, but it usually works a whole lot better than this. Honestly, the character of Celeste is its own massive problem. For starters, no one in the past, present, or future of human existence would write a book called Shitegeist, let alone be allowed to promote it on television. That’s a suspension of disbelief on steroids. And dumb. Then, so called ‘trend spotter’ and author Celeste claims that all reality TV sucks, which is simply an exaggeration, albeit fairly slight. But when the very same Celeste, who hates reality TV (and singing competitions) and has arrogant disdain for the really bad, Ke$ha-inspired pop tart (played typically ineptly by Emma Roberts, who just can’t act), claims to be a Justin Bieber fan…bullshit. Bieber has no talent or brains and I refuse to believe Celeste would hold such a positive opinion of him. There is no way that all of the parts of this woman make any sense together whatsoever. The character of Celeste’s work colleague played by Elijah Wood certainly makes no sense. He’s seemingly supposed to be gay but unsure how a gay best friend/co-worker is supposed to behave…it just doesn’t work, and makes you wonder if in a previous draft he was a straight person pretending to be the stereotypical gay best friend. It’s just confusing and inept screenwriting, certainly not funny.

 

Frankly, I think Jones is miscast as Celeste anyway. Ari Graynor seems a better fit for the selfish character, but she’d still be an unsympathetic, self-centred and arrogant cow. I felt particularly bad for the character played by Chris Messina, who was the only grown-up in this entire film. At one point I found myself questioning whether he and Celeste were even dating, and if so, whether she actually knew this. Mind you, Messina’s the one who introduces cannabis to the story, and I’m sick to death of marijuana being incorporated into supposedly romantic films. Call me a square, but I just don’t think it’s necessary, and the characters should’ve shown a bit more maturity than to be tokin’ it up. Speaking of immaturity, apparently Andy Samberg is talented and funny. People like him. I am aware of this. I just have absolutely no idea why, and although his character is made to grow up somewhat throughout the film, I remained unconvinced of this by the end. I also frankly just don’t get the whole casual dating thing, and would rather it not be part of a romantic comedy. You want to be able to latch on to a couple to hope to see them weather the storm of romcom clichés and get together by the end. That’s pretty hard to do when for the most part, there really is no couple here because one of the central two is dating chicks more often than they change their underwear.

 

I must also rake cinematographer David Lanzenberg over the coals. Severely. His handheld shaky-cam is appallingly wobbly for no good goddamn reason. It doesn’t add immediacy, intimacy, or realism. It adds an awareness to the camera and a separation between the viewer and the film. Invest in a tripod you pretentious wanker!

 

I’m all for a romantic/relationship movie that takes place somewhere close to reality, but this is the pits. And the shits. Take a look at the plot synopsis of this and ask yourself why anyone would want to turn this situation into a romantic movie. It’s unromantic, depressing, and the protagonists are awful people. Hell, I’m not even certain I believe the film’s ending is really the end for the characters. I don’t think they have learned a damn thing, especially the selfish Celeste.

 

What a horrible, unromantic film. Celeste and Jesse Forever? Sounds like absolute hell to me.

 

Rating: D