Review: The Stone Killer

Charles Bronson plays a violence-prone but honest cop tackling the case of one arm of the Mob (represented by Martin Balsam) attempting to wipe out the other arm of the mob for a massacre committed against them in the 1930s! To do this, Balsam has hired mercenaries to carry out the hit, including war vet Stuart Margolin, and bisexual, jazz-loving weirdo Paul Koslo. Norman Fell plays a police chief, Ralph Waite plays Bronson’s shit weasel racist partner, Charles Tyner turns up as a doctor, Walter Burke plays a marijuana dealer, and John Ritter has a small role as a cop.

 

A great cast of character actors goes to waste in this boring 1973 attempt by hack director Michael Winner (“Death Wish”, “Chato’s Land”, “Lawman”, “The Mechanic”) and hack star Charles Bronson to give us another “Dirty Harry”. Hell, even composer Roy Budd (“Zeppelin”, “Get Carter”, “The Carey Treatment”) tries out his best Lalo Shifrin (“Coogan’s Bluff”, “Bullitt”, and “Dirty Harry”) impersonation here, with one of the most irritating electronic scores you’re ever likely to hear. Based on a novel by John Gardner (“The Liquidator”), the script by Gerald Wilson (“Lawman”, “Scorpio”, “Chato’s Land”) gives Bronson some truly clunky “Dirty Harry” dialogue, and the only difference between his character and Harry Callahan is that Bronson seems to be against racism. Other than that, this is a total rip-off and a tedious one at that. The ashram scene is completely absurd, at least “Coogan’s Bluff” was an otherwise solid movie so that its depiction of hippies was only a small blemish on a good film.

 

There’s only two things in this whole uninspired film that work; A solid supporting performance by scummy Paul Koslo (albeit cast as an old “Dirty Harry” favourite, the bisexual/gay henchman), and top-notch L.A. and New York location shooting by cinematographer Richard Moore (who went on to direct the bizarre cult film “Circle of Iron” AKA “The Silent Flute”). It’s crap, but well-shot crap at least. Sadly, those two elements aren’t nearly enough to rescue this wet fart of a crime flick that comes ominously billed as ‘Dino De Laurentiis Presents’ in a film already directed by a loser like Winner. Be afraid, be very afraid. Actually, I’m being a little unkind, as there’s one good chase scene through the streets and some market stalls that Bronson just mows the fuck down. Meanwhile, Walter Burke also does terrific small work as a drug dealer/snitch. He sounds awfully wheezy, and indeed the long-serving character actor died of emphysema in 1984. He steals his two scenes and deserved more.

 

I was especially disappointed that Sidney Greenstreet-like Robert Emhardt was utterly wasted in a colourless part as a man who witnesses a crime. It’s probably the most ‘normal’ part he ever played, but also the dullest. Norman Fell is perfectly fine, but doesn’t get enough scenes to really make an impact, and Stuart Margolin’s casting as a hired mercenary is as eye-rolling as the absurd plot (Not to mention Winner’s botching of it. It’s almost impossible to tell what city Bronson is in half the time!). And that brings us to our chief villain, a supposedly intimidating Mafioso played by Martin Balsam. Yep, the level-headed, unassuming jury foreman from “12 Angry Men” and the ill-fated detective from “Psycho”. Balsam is one of the greatest character actors of all-time, but he hasn’t got an intimidating bone in his body, and is seriously miscast. He’s not as silly as Marlon Brando in “The Godfather”, but that’s not say much, believe me. He is boring, and hamstrung by the fact that his character is on the sidelines for most of the film. Imagine Emhardt in the role, he’d be creepy fun for sure.

 

As I said, the plot is absurd. Once you catch onto it, you won’t believe it, and it has absolutely no place in a film that is otherwise trying to be gritty. Also jarring is the ridiculous pink blood spattered around way too much for just a gunshot or two. Geez, Winner, calm the fuck down, son. You’re not making a giallo film for cryin’ out loud, it’s a cop movie. The ending flat-out sucks, it’s so incredibly underwhelming and unsatisfying that if you don’t have any food to throw at the screen, you’ll be so enraged that you’ll consider going down to the supermarket to find food to go back and throw at the screen.

 

Winner isn’t a good director (“Lawman”, “The Jokers” and “The Mechanic” were all OK, but the rest…yikes), and star Bronson stopped giving a fuck in the 70s (I know it’s an unfair comparison but look at him in this and then “The Great Escape”. He could act when he wanted to). So when coupled with an unoriginal script, a miscast villain, and ghastly music score, this one’s just no fun at all. It hasn’t got an identity of its own, and Bronson looks bored beyond belief. Nope, not even the least demanding of viewers deserve this thrust upon them.

 

Rating: D-