Review: Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead

“Adventures in Babysitting” combines with “Working Girl” and “Throw Momma From the Train” as high school senior (Christina Applegate) is forced to grow up after the elderly harridan babysitter hired by mum while she goes on holidays for a couple of months, ends up carking it. Did I mention she was in charge of five siblings for the whole summer? Oh well, they’ve still got all the cash mum left for the babysitter to run things, right? Nope, the old hag had it on her, and someone had the bright idea of getting rid of the body. Hence, eldest daughter Applegate must get a job, though lucky for her, instead of the secretary job she was applying for, Applegate makes such a good impression on knock-off fashion manufacturer Joanna Cassidy that Cassidy hires her as her executive administrative assistant. Applegate’s phony resumé certainly helped, though. She also earns the bitch scorn of co-worker Jayne Brook, and the amorous advances of Cassidy’s sleazy sometimes suitor John Getz (in his element), unawares that he’s hitting on a teenager. Well, possibly unawares. But how long can Applegate continue to fool everyone? Well, with her siblings pilfering the ‘petty cash’ from work, it might not be too long. Josh Charles plays the nice guy fast food vendor who is sweet on Applegate (guess who his sister is?), whilst the kids are played by Keith Coogan (an irresponsible, head-banging moron), the wonderful Danielle Harris, the late Christopher Pettiet, and Robert Hy Gorman.

 

Something possessed me to see this 1991 comedy from Stephen Herek (“Critters”, “The Mighty Ducks”, “The Three Musketeers”) and writers Neil Landau and Tara Ison in cinemas on original release, but re-watching it in 2015…what the hell was wrong with me back then? Oh, it’s not a bad film, hell it’s not even the worst film I’ve ever seen in cinemas (In order of badness: “Navigator: A Medieval Odyssey”, “Highlander III”, and “Rudyard Kipling’s Lame Arse Live-Action Jungle Book”). But it’s…not much of anything, really.

 

The title animation is cute and “Looney Tunes”-ish, and the performances by Joanna Cassidy, Danielle Harris (as the morbid youngest daughter), and John Getz are rock-solid. Cassidy has this thing where she’s nice but also clearly demanding, which is hard to pull off. Playing it mostly straight, she pulls it off. The amusing thing about Getz is that while he probably knows he’s a jerk, he ends up shocked to learn just how big a jerk he is. He’s a giant toolbag and the best thing in the film. Even Keith Coogan, despite being way too old to need babysitting (he was in 1987’s “Adventures in Babysitting” already), at least proves his versatility by playing a geek in the former film and a metal-head stoner here. I do have to pick up on one technical flaw, though: There’s no way he’d have a Samantha Fox poster in his bedroom in 1991. Samantha Fox was a big deal around 1985-1988 at the very latest. I know, because I was 11 in 1991 and she was well gone into obscurity by the time puberty set in for me, though obviously I’ve re-discovered her in the years since (And certainly knew of her when I was a kid in the mid-80s, just too young to really be interested in her). A young David Duchovny makes for an amusing yuppie schmuck…even though he’s just the ‘inventory clerk’. Less effective is the entirely miscast Jayne Brook as Applegate’s mean-faced rival. Brook looks decidedly unhappy to be in the film and is clearly not the bitchy-type. Her every scene is forced and unfunny.

 

There’s a funny gag involving car-stealing drag queens made up to look like movie stars, I got a laugh at. Applegate’s dementedly upbeat boss at Clown Dog is amusing too. Anyone that upbeat needs to be punched on the nose. The rest…formula Happy Meal movie product stuff. I also didn’t buy the premise at all. Why would any loving mother leave their five children for two whole months, let alone in the care of one 80+ year-old woman? It’s ridiculous, and sadly not only does the cranky old bird get written out of the film in less than 20 minutes (why should we care that she dies, then?), but in those 20 minutes, the actress playing her (Eda Reiss Merin, who had a small role in “Ghostbusters”) proves to be no Anne Ramsey, and Herek sure as shit ain’t no Danny DeVito. The fact that the title character has such scant time in a film that runs for around about two (many) hours, is just stupefying to me.

 

Christina Applegate plays it mostly straight here and probably saw this film as her big step away from Kelly Bundy. I’ve never been a fan of her and she probably should’ve played more to her ditzy strengths. If she was trying to boost her career, this wasn’t the right film. It’s not a bad film, just a bland, taste-free assembly line product. It’s mild at best, but there’s a few nice performances and an OK rock/hair metal soundtrack that for some reason includes Boom Crash Opera’s ‘The Best Thing’. What the hell?

 

Rating: C