Review: Showgirls

Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkley) hitches a ride to Vegas with dreams of becoming a dancer in a chorus line (not “A Chorus Line”, though). After being robbed on her first day in Vegas, she is quickly befriended by seamstress Molly (Gina Ravera), who works for a local Vegas hotel. She ends up getting a gig stripping at a club owned by a total sleaze (Robert Davi, natch). Her dreams are bigger, however, and she is spotted by Cristal (Gina Gershon), the bitchy (but aging) star of the Stardust hotel’s big show, as well as by the entertainment director of the hotel, Zack (Kyle MacLachlan). Both take a keen interest in Nomi, though her relationship with Cristal is often frosty, and Nomi seems to pursue Zack (Cristal’s lover) to get at Cristal’s fragile ego. Soon Nomi’s quest for stardom seems to see her lose her head, as she seems as though she will step over anyone to get what she wants, leaving kind-hearted Molly singularly unimpressed. Glenn Plummer plays a womanising choreographer who has his sights on Nomi, both creatively and sexually. TV veteran Alan Rachins plays the hotel owner, and William Shockley turns up briefly as a preening Vegas entertainer and occasional gang rapist.

One prominent Aussie critic (recently retired from the small screen. Hint, hint) seems to think this 1995 Paul Verhoeven (“Flesh + Blood”, “RoboCop”, “Total Recall”, “Basic Instinct”) mega-turkey is severely underrated. A select few seem to want to herald it as a “Rocky Horror”-esque ‘midnight movie classic’, something akin to a modern day “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls”, perhaps (A wonderfully entertaining film, by the way. Go check that one out). It’s neither, this is a mostly boring, and pretty terrible film that is more “Valley of the Dolls” than “BVD” and no fun whatsoever. It’s not even sexy, hell by 2015 standards it’s not even terribly explicit. There’s lots of nudity, foul language, and an ugly gang rape scene. Other than that, this is forgettable stuff not worthy of any ‘bad movie classic’ distinction, not ‘so bad it’s funny’ nor an unheralded film of genuine merit, either.

Scripted by the notorious Joe Eszterhas (“Basic Instinct”, “Sliver”), the film is full of almost-lesbian scenes that never truly eventuate, which may just be the most annoying thing of all. It actually doesn’t make any sense, suggesting footage was left on the cutting room floor, or perhaps a certain actress wasn’t keen on the girl-on-girl stuff and the filmmakers gave in to her demands and removed most of the content. Seriously, if you watch the film, it plays out so awkwardly on this front that something must have gone wrong. Verhoeven and Eszterhas aren’t prudes by nature, so you’d think they’d totally go there if they could, and co-star Gina Gershon later made the genuinely erotic (and genuinely bloody terrific) “Bound”, so she’s certainly unafraid to venture to the Isle of Lesbos, either. So yeah, you do the maths on that one. It’s not the only time you’ll be seeing holes in the screenplay. One of the film’s biggest problems is actually the character of Nomi (who the hell names their kid Nomi?) as a whole, who lacks depth or sympathy. She is completely unsympathetic, and not just because of the unpleasant, cold manner in which Elizabeth Berkley plays her (It doesn’t help, though). She’s a bitch to everyone, without any provocation. It’s like her default position with everyone is hate until they give you reason to think otherwise. There might be a reason behind all that, but it doesn’t make for a very sympathetic or even interesting protagonist. Getting back to the relationship between Nomi and the Gina Gershon character. At no point in the film could I work out just what her problem with the Gina Gershon character was. Sure, Gershon acted like a queen bitch, but to me it felt like Nomi was the less likeable of the two. Either Nomi is a horrible homophobe (and her early comments to her clearly interested soon-to-be roommate suggest she actually might be somewhat homophobic), or something was left on the cutting room floor, I think, because the relationship here makes no sense on screen, especially when they literally kiss and make up at the end. It plays like really shoddy storytelling, and not just because I’m pissed that there’s so much teasing in the film. If the filmmakers knew what they were doing, this relationship could’ve ended up halfway interesting, instead it ends up half-arsed. She’s even a bitch towards the male characters, again for little to no reason.

Speaking of the male characters, this film is whatever the male equivalent of misogynistic is. All of the male characters here are either sleazes or violent scumbags, with no exceptions. That is, except when they’re not. Seriously, Eszterhas’ screenplay has no character consistency whatsoever, as even the sleazy strip club owner played perfectly well by Robert Davi seems warm and cuddly by the end. Was the film edited within an inch of its life before release? Because the character changes are so sudden and inconsistent that it does seem that way. Or else, it really is on Eszterhas’ shoddy writing (Verhoeven has a more than credible track record, and his weakest films are from Eszterhas scripts). Look at the scene where Nomi’s roommate gets mad at her in one scene and storms off, and then in the very next scene all is forgiven. I’ll throw one compliment Eszterhas’ way, though. The film does make the point that Nomi still gets treated like a hooker even after she has hit the ‘big time’. She was warned about that early on by Davi, and it gets proven true. That’s about the only decent bit of consistency/continuity in the whole damn film.

 

Former “Saved by the Bell” co-star Elizabeth Berkley for me was the fourth most likely person on that show for my mind who would turn up in something like this (Tiffani Thiessen would be at the top of the list, then Lark Voorhies, and Screech. OK, Mario Lopez), and she received such a critical drubbing and public ridiculing that it threatened to kill her career. Is she really that terrible? She’s certainly miscast (this is the girl previously known for playing the humourless brainiac on a teen comedy show), wooden, and even if she weren’t miscast, she’s clearly not at a stage in her career where she could pull a role like this off. I don’t know if she’s worth all the scorn and ridicule to be honest (almost all of the blame for this film was heaped squarely on her), but there’s no doubt that at least on evidence here that she has absolutely no idea how to act sexy on screen. For starters, you shouldn’t need to ‘act’ sexy, and Berkley is indeed trying…and failing. Badly. For a film like this, that’s quite clearly a problem. The pool sex scene between Berkley and a very silly Kyle MacLachlan is one of the silliest sex scenes since Madeleine Stowe and Kevin Costner got it on in a moving jeep in “Revenge”, and Berkley is truly laughable acting in it. Honestly, she has no clue what she’s doing, which really makes no sense for her very sexual character.

 

The film does contain a few OK performances (under the very trashy and stupid circumstances), enough to keep it from being the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel. Robert Davi has no problems whatsoever convincing as a sleazy manager who demands blowjobs. That’s very much in his wheelhouse and he does it well enough here. Glenn Plummer is also OK as a wannabe choreographer who thinks admitting that he’s a pants man is somehow noble and excuses his womanising behaviour. Best of all is Gina Gershon, who is the only one having any fun, let alone the only one who clearly realises the Sapphic potential here (that sadly never eventuates all that much despite her best efforts). She’s legitimately good as the bitchy ‘diva’ of the exotic dancing profession. The only legitimately good thing about the entire film, in fact. She also has a great body, though Berkley’s fine enough in that department, too if you like skinny girls I suppose.

 

This is stupid and boring, and its explicitness has dated considerably in 20 years. Yes, the film is 20 years old. Time flies, doesn’t it? The big ‘performance’ scenes are absurd and have absolutely no basis in reality whatsoever. Stripping routines simply don’t get that ostentatious or elaborate, the customers would get restless with all the theatrics. Vegas hotel show dance routines, meanwhile, I wouldn’t imagine are anywhere near as sexually explicit, so either way you look at it, the performances are ridiculously unbelievable. So incredibly dumb. Anyone who thinks this is a comedy is just as deluded as those who think it’s anything resembling a good film, or even good trash. It’s trash alright, but boring trash that was meant to be taken seriously. Just look at that gang rape scene, no comedy/satire or ‘enjoyable trash’ is gonna feature something as nasty and brutal as that (BTW, that’s an absolutely ridiculous and completely unnecessary ‘crunch’ sound effect you’ll hear at one point. Seriously, guys. That’s just so wrong, and it’s totally noticeable too). Sure, the bit with the chimps was meant to be funny (it’s not, though), but the rest? Nope, Verhoeven and Eszterhas were being serious here, and they’ve laid an egg. However, make no mistake, this film is far too boring and bland to be enjoyed on a bad movie level. It doesn’t deserve such a distinction (nor will I dare mention the 1950 classic that a lot of other critics seems to want to bring up. That film has one of the greatest screenplays of all-time and does not deserve to be tarnished by being in any way likened to this film). In fact, it deserves to be forgotten, though that ship has obviously sailed. We’re still talking about it two decades later, after all.

 

Rating: D+