Review: San Andreas

CalTech professor (and seismology expert) Paul Giamatti has come up with a method to predict earthquakes, and when he is a first-hand witness of the Hoover Dam collapsing, his data suggests an even bigger quake is going to wreak havoc on the San Andreas fault. Meanwhile, Search & Rescue chopper pilot Dwayne Johnson has just got divorce papers in the mail. His soon-to-be ex-wife (Carla Gugino) has moved on already with a slimy skyscraper architect played by Ioan Gruffudd (remember when he was set to be somebody? That didn’t happen…). Alexandra Daddario plays the teen daughter of Johnson and Gugino, who somehow ends up going with Gruffudd to his workplace where she meets a nervous British prospective employee (Hugo Johnstone-Burt) of Gruffudd’s company, and his chatty little brother (Art Parkinson) and they become fast friends. Then they quickly become potential earthquake victims. When disaster also strikes whilst Gugino is having lunch with Kylie Minogue (!), Johnson and his chopper are there to rescue…well, one of them. After that it’s off to San Francisco to find Daddario before it’s too late. Will Yun Lee plays Dead Meat…er…Giamatti’s CalTech colleague who totally won’t die. Much.

 

Those not predisposed to enjoying disaster movies need not apply here, this 2015 film from director Brad Peyton (who directed sequels to “Cats & Dogs” and “Journey to the Centre of the Earth”) and screenwriter Carlton Cuse (creator of TV’s “Bates Motel” and a writer on “Lost”) is as typical an example of the genre as you’ll find. I mean, the opening scene in all of these films, especially the more recent ones, is pretty much the same thing, isn’t it? It’s always about someone (usually a scientist of some kind) uncovering the shitstorm that’s set to play out for the rest of the film, or someone enjoying their day as normal…before the film’s main calamity befalls them. This one is of the latter variety, though the victim in question here is such an irresponsible tit that she kinda deserves to bite it. Sorry, but it’s true. After that the rest of the film offers little in the way of story surprises, either. And that’s just fine, because it’s also well-done, and having a fairly high tolerance for the genre, I rather enjoyed it. I mean, at least it’s better than “Earthquake”, right?

 

The film’s central character is a rescue chopper pilot, and I’d imagine for that line of work you’d have to possess great focus and an impenetrable self-belief. For that, Dwayne Johnson (forever known to me as The Rock) is pitch-perfect casting. The Rock isn’t ever going to be a great actor, but in almost every film I’ve seen him in, he’s gotten the job done, or even better than that. People who criticise his acting ability seem to forget that the acting skills of the action stars of the 80s/90s was rarely very good. He’s got a lot more ability than most and oozes charisma and presence. The guy dominates the screen like few others, and he plays a likeable, decent and genuinely heroic guy. It’s particularly important that he’s likeable because let’s face it, the guy is pretty much selfishly looking out for his daughter only, here. The other thing that helps, of course, is that he’s doing the same damn thing you and I would do in this situation if we are honest with ourselves.

 

I had to laugh at Ioan Gruffudd here. You’ve already established that The Rock is a great guy and saves lives on a daily basis, and then there’s this other shit weasel of a human being schtupping his kinda sorta ex-wife and acting like a cowardly piece of piss when the fit hits the shan. You know Gruffud is playing an untrustworthy dickweed when a) He’s moving in on The Rock’s almost ex, and b) He claims that his buildings are his ‘kids’. What a douche. Richard Chamberlain in “The Towering Inferno” ain’t got nothin’ on this shit weasel. Although she doesn’t look remotely Samoan or African-American, bodacious Alexandria Daddario is actually really appealing as The Rock’s daughter (and looks enough like her on-screen mum Carla Gugino, I guess). Since she’s the other main character we spend time with, it’s important that we like her, and she does have a sweet presence about her, and her character also seems genuinely nice. Some will probably prefer a more traditional disaster movie approach with a multitude of characters and stories. The film’s sole change from the usual formula is that this is essentially the story of one man saving people, and mostly his own family. The rest are relegated to subplots at best, and even Carla Gugino (lovely as always) is not in the film very much. For me, the only problem with this approach was that Paul Giamatti’s scenes played out a bit static. He talks a lot, but rarely seems to actually do anything nor does his character’s arc really go much of anywhere. After one heroic deed at the start, he’s all dire warnings and hemming and hawing (which will grate on some) and hanging out at CalTech, which feels like it’s in a different state, given how unaffected the area seems. It was a little strange. To be honest, though, that and the potentially vomitous final image of an American flag are really minor complaints. This is really solid stuff for what it is, and Giamatti’s performance is mostly very solid (just very reactionary).

 

There’s some really scary, hair-raising stuff in this, for what it is it works. The FX are really good, even if some of you might feel we’ve seen enough of this sort of thing. I was pretty impressed to be honest, and there seems to be more tall glass building destruction in the first 40 minutes of the film than in any pre-9/11 film I can recall seeing. Depending on how sensitive you are, that’s not necessarily a complaint. If you like to throw around the term ‘disaster porn’, this is probably the epitome of ‘disaster porn’. I’m sure science-types will roll their eyes throughout the film, when not wildly shaking their fists. Like “The Day After Tomorrow”, it played to me like reality on steroids. Which is to say, it’s based on something potentially possible, and they exaggerate it to a silly, but fun degree. It’s not as good as “The Day After Tomorrow”, but it’s still pretty good. It also has a cameo by Kylie Minogue. I have no clue why, but there she is, and sadly she isn’t long for the film. She also probably shouldn’t attempt a Yank accent ever again. Yikes.

 

If you don’t like this film, you probably don’t like the genre and shouldn’t be watching it anyway. It is what it is, and it’s good for what it is. It won’t replace “The Poseidon Adventure” at the top of the heap, but if you like seeing shit get fucked up really badly by natural disasters, this definitely fits the bill. Casting likeable people in likeable roles takes this one a long way, too. The Rock is ever sturdy in the lead, as a perfect replacement for Charlton Heston. Bit of a shame they treated Our Kylie so badly, though (BTW, despite all of the L.A. landmarks, the film was shot in Australia). Strong music score by Andrew Lockington (“Skinwalkers”, “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island”) is definitely a plus, Sia’s abominable cover of ‘California Dreaming’ is an uber-negative. It’s more disastrous than the damn earthquake. 

 

Rating: B-