Review: Kaw

Ravens that have fed on the flesh of dead cattle infected with mad cow disease start to feast on the local townsfolk of your typical sleepy small town. Sean Patrick Flanery is the local sheriff trying to contain the situation (good thing given just about everyone else is as useful in a crisis as Ralph Wiggum), with the help of ol’ Doc (Rod Taylor). Stephen McHattie is the local reformed drunk, who for some reason is still hired as a school bus driver. Then again, when he tells them about the birds from the get-go, they just think he’s on the sauce again, so maybe these twits deserve to have a drunk driving their kids to and from school. There’s also some pious Mennonites whose diseased cattle were the catalyst for the whole thing. Megan Park plays the naive daughter of one of these farmers, who is going on a school excursion with that aforementioned reformed drunk bus driver. Uh-oh. Kristin Booth plays Flanery’s wife who is getting ready for their move to the big city...yeah, those plans are gonna be on hold for a bit.

 

I was never a fan of Hitchcock’s “The Birds”, thinking it to be an overly pretentious and dull treatment of potentially fun, schlocky material. It seemed awfully low-brow for The Master, and really was no better than your average “Godzilla” monster movie. In fact, it was worse than most “Godzilla” movies, which tend to at least be unpretentious fun. This 2007 Sheldon Wilson (the iffy “Shallow Ground”) genre entry from those fine folks at the Sci-Fi Channel isn’t a very good entry into the ‘killer birds’ subgenre (shouldn’t the title be ‘Caw’, anyway? And don’t ravens quoth, not caw anyway?), but it’s not all that much better or worse than “The Birds”, either.

 

Like most SyFy flicks, the only thing really lacking is the special FX, which are typically not special at all (although they are a lot better than the FX in “Flu Birds”). The green screen work in particular is appalling and very silly, but I guess I should be happy that real birds appear to have been used some of the time. The other big issue I had with the film (aside from the lame ending setting up a sequel) was the explanation for the bird attack. I still hate that “The Birds” left it all up in the air (so to speak), but this film’s idea of birds infected with mad cow disease was something I had like a billion problems. I mean, shut up, that’s just stupid.

 

I wasn’t all that impressed by the lead performance from Sean Patrick Powder Flanery (yes, I really am hoping someone laughs at that). He’s pretty bland, forgettable, and seems somewhat hungover and slightly annoyed to be there. I also must draw special attention to a manly-voiced young actress named Emma Knight, who is pretty terrible, playing one of the most annoying characters I’ve come across in ages. She’s hateful, and at one point literally screams ‘we’re all gonna die!’. I hate those sorts of characters. If you’re not going to be of any use, then shut the hell up. There’s also some dodgy accents from the actors playing the Mennonites (including an amusing but cringe-worthy Megan Park). However, some of the performances are quite solid, including the always rock-solid Aussie ex-pat Rod Taylor, yes, he of “The Birds” fame. Is this the best use of his seriously underrated talents? Of course not, but he had to be here nonetheless and is terrific. It’s always nice to see character actor Stephen McHattie as well, in a fine, somewhat unstable role. Fans of “Hello, Mary Lou: Prom Night II” will be interested to note the presence of Wendy Lyon as police radio dispatcher Luanne. She’s certainly more chipper than glum Flanery, but obviously in the film a lot less. Meanwhile, fake or not, at least these ravens are far more credible threats than the dopey pigeons in “The Birds”. I liked that they pick at peoples’ brains like they’re worms, something also seen in “Flu Birds”. I don’t really buy birds as a major threat in films (real life is another matter, I’m scared of ‘em, especially magpies), unless they attack on masse as they occasionally do here. On screen, for the most part, people who act scared or are seen to be attacked by birds, look very silly. It isn’t the case in real life, but for some reason, it just doesn’t work on screen. Maybe it’s because whilst threatening, they aren’t exactly lethal as such, unlike say spiders or snakes. The best thing in the film is the cinematography by John P. Tarver, who tries to make the film look a bit more expensive than it likely was. The shot composition is particularly excellent (terrific shots of things seen through trees and reeds of grass etc.), and there’s some seriously gorgeous moon-lit scenery at times. Even the filtered shots of cornfields bathed in a blue/grey filter (or moonlight), is pretty darn gorgeous, despite my hatred of filtered cinematography.

 

Look, this isn’t much of a movie, but neither was “The Birds”. If you liked that film, then by right you should like this too. It’s really no better or worse, except that it is a lot less pretentious. Kudos for director Wilson actually attempting a modest amount of creepy tension, especially towards the end. Really nice, creepy bird sound FX, too. The FX are lame, and birds as deadly threats just don’t do it for me, but you could do a lot worse than this creature feature. It’s not too bad, and often not too bad is better than nothing.

 

Rating: C+