Review: Bulletproof (1996)

Damon Wayans plays an undercover cop whose cover is blown during a botched drug deal, seriously pissing off Adam Sandler, a drug runner and carjacker who works for a drug lord (James Caan) who is also a car dealer. Wayans had been using small-time Sandler as a way to get to the real target, Caan. Sandler, who had come to see Wayans as a trusted friend is pissed, accidentally shooting Wayans with a non-fatal shot to the head and escaping before he can be arrested. The shot was apparently accidental, but Wayans doesn’t believe that for a second. Several months of physical therapy and a metal plate in his cranium later, Wayans is back on the job and forced to deal with Sandler, who now agrees to turn state’s evidence and will only go into Wayans’ protected custody specifically. Needless to say Wayans isn’t happy about it, and he thinks Sandler is looking for revenge (and vice versa, really), but they’re gonna need each other to survive, as it appears Caan has sent some goons after Sandler. Kristen Wilson is the physical therapist who becomes Wayans’ love interest way too swiftly, Bill Nunn is a DEA man, and James Farentino is Wayans’ boss.

 

The one early Adam Sandler film that had thus far eluded me. Now that I’ve seen this 1996 action-comedy from director Ernest Dickerson (also a cinematographer), I wish it had continued to elude me. Dickerson’s a mediocre filmmaker (who after 2001’s “Bones” appears to be confined to TV gigs now), but the screenplay is just as bad, as written by Joe Gayton (Van Damme’s not-bad “The Shepherd”) and Lewis Colick (“Unlawful Entry”, “Judgement Night”, “Ladder 49”). For a film that runs less than 80 minutes, 20 minutes of set-up is probably too long, and I’d lay the blame for that on both director and the screenwriters. The funny thing is that those 20 minutes are actually rushed, which is the weirdest thing. I wonder if there’s a cut of the film out there with an even longer setup, that’d be torture.

 

There’s not a single good laugh to be had throughout, and the lead villain gets a criminally short amount of screen time. Why the hell did James Caan bother to sign on for this when he gets hardly any opportunity? Sandler and Damon Wayans aren’t even trying to be remotely convincing here, and even in a comedy you do need to buy into the fake world you’re presented with for the film’s duration. Sandler has improved as an actor over the years, but at this point in time he simply wasn’t an actor, and even now I don’t think he could play a character like this, which definitely requires an actor of some sort. Even for a comedy, he just isn’t credible as a drug dealer. It’s just Adam Sandler being Adam Sandler at around the time that his standard schtick was making him a star. Eddie Murphy managed to still be convincing as a crook in “48HRS” despite pretty much playing Eddie Murphy. Sandler the loveable (to some) goofball frat boy just isn’t the right fit. Meanwhile, his singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ (the scene everyone remembers from the trailer) badly isn’t funny, because it’s obvious that he’s singing it badly on purpose. It doesn’t really work like that, Adam. Wayans simply doesn’t convince as a tough guy cop, and looks ridiculous in fight scenes. If this weren’t just a comedy but a parody, that’d be fine. But this is closer to “Midnight Run” or “Lethal Weapon” than “The Naked Gun” in tone and Wayans just won’t do. These are our leads, and they are spectacularly miscast. TV veteran James Farentino, meanwhile, gives a foaming-at-the-mouth performance that’s hard to take, whilst the talented Bill Nunn doesn’t get enough screen time to matter a damn.

 

There’s a reason why no one talks about this movie today, and that’s because it’s appallingly thin, obnoxious, and dull. Flimsy crap that is further proof that James Caan will literally turn up in anything. It isn’t Adam Sandler’s worst film, but only because he’s the guy that made “Going Overboard” and “Jack & Jill”. It’s definitely among his laziest, as neither he nor Damon Wayans even remotely attempt to give convincing performances, even in the context of something intended to be somewhat comedic. Also, how in the fuck did the late, great Elmer Bernstein (“The Magnificent Seven”, “The Great Escape”) get roped into doing the score here? It’s certainly not his most memorable work.

 

Rating: D