Review: Nekromantik
Robert
(Daktari Lorenz) is a guy paid to remove dead bodies and remains from the site
of accidents. He secretly steals body parts and has recently graduated to
stealing an entire decaying corpse for him and his equally depraved girlfriend
Betty (Beatrice M.) to engage in acts of necrophilia. Do I really have to go
on? Well, I’m not going to. On to the review portion…
Banned
in Australia for many years, I recently managed to catch up with this notorious
1987 German flick from director/co-writer Jorg Buttgereit on Aussie cable TV,
funnily enough. I’m sure some of you out there will like it enough for it to be
considered a cult item, but boy am I not among you. It’s not for the reason you
might think, though. Is it a disgusting, deplorable, and perhaps even evil
subject for a film? Sure, but I wasn’t offended or disgusted by it personally.
That’s because a) It’s not real, doesn’t look real, and I think it’s all kind
of bullshit, and b) When an eyeball comes loose while actress Beatrice M is
licking the corpse’s mouth tells you that Buttgereit and co-writer Franz
Rodenkirchen are pitching this as a morbid comedy for the most part. The
closest the film gets to being offensive is when a rape scene suddenly becomes
a necrophilia scene. That’s absolutely disgusting, but it’s so poorly lit that
even then you can’t really see enough to truly want to vomit or anything. Hell,
I was so disinterested by that point that even if it were well-lit, I probably
wouldn’t be engaged enough to actually be terribly offended.
So,
why do I hate the film? Because it completely and overwhelmingly sucks. It’s
too damn stupid to be considered offensive (Bear in mind, most mainstream
audiences would indeed find this impossible to stomach. I’m just a very jaded viewer).
It’s boring as hell, there’s not much plot, even less character development,
and neither on a technical nor entertainment level does it offer a damn thing
of considerable merit to bring this out of the gutter. No, not even the decent
score by Herman Kopp, Daktari Lorenz & ‘John Boy Walton’ is enough to lift
this one off the bottom of the barrel. It’s been really poorly lit by
cinematographer Uwe Bohrer as well, making it abundantly clear that the
director was solely concerned with pissing censors off (That was apparently his
sole reason for getting into directing). Some will find the finale hilariously
bad, and I guess it kind of is. However, more on the bad end than the hilarious
end for me. It’s very, very juvenile, and if you’ll forgive the pun, slightly
wanky. That said, it’s the only moment from the film that you might actually
remember afterwards.
One
of the worst films of its year and possibly even the decade. This is less
offensive and more just completely dull, empty, and worthless. I have no doubt
the director of the “Human Centipede” series is a big fan, and you might
be too. That’s nice, just keep your distance from me, thanks. This is stupid shit based on objectionable
themes. I don’t really regret seeing it, but I won’t recommend it even as a
curio or for completist purposes. It’s shit, it sucks, and I’ve already written
way more about it than the film deserves. The decision whether to watch or not
is entirely up to you.
Rating: F
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