Review: Tokarev

Nic Cage plays an ex-member of the mob (Irish-American) now gone legit. One night his teenaged daughter supposedly gets kidnapped by masked intruders. When he finds out that a Russian-made gun (that would be the Tokarev of the title) was involved, Cage and his old buddies (Michael McGrady and Max Ryan) start to suspect that the whole thing is tied to a past misdeed on their part. Danny Glover plays a police detective who tries to keep Cage from doing his own brand of investigating. Rachel Nichols is Cage’s current squeeze, Peter Stormare is Cage’s ex-employer Irish (!) mob boss, Max Fowler is the nice kid who wants to date Cage’s daughter, and Pasha D. Lychnikoff plays an intimidating Russian mobster.

 

I think we’ve reached the point where we can safely say that Nic Cage fluked his way to an Oscar with “Leaving Las Vegas”. It was a great performance, but his batting average before and since simply doesn’t support any other argument. In the last decade he has almost exclusively been wading in direct-to-DVD hell with films like this crime/thriller also known as “Rage”. Here Cage looks somewhat distracted, like he’d rather be at the bar. Two minutes into the film, he enters one. I know there’s something slightly operatic about mob/revenge thrillers but Cage (over) acts up a storm. He may not be eating live cockroaches here, but he’s still frigging absurd. He manages to overdo morose, mopey, and grief-stricken, a hell of an achievement, really. Just not a good one.

 

A cross between “Taken” and the not-bad Steven Seagal Russian mob/revenge flick “Ruslan” (it’s very similar to the latter), this is stock-standard stuff, and a perpetually pouting Cage is certainly no Liam Neeson, Oscar win or not. Even worse, is a surprisingly awful Rachel Nichols. I normally like her but here she’s so distractingly awful you find yourself questioning her character for absolutely no reason. Nope, she’s just giving an horrendous performance that director Paco Cabezas (“Mr. Right” with the adorkable Anna Kendrick) really should’ve reined in considerably. Danny Glover, meanwhile was still playing cops in 2014 and boy is he ever fucking beyond too old for that shit. Peter Stormare is completely ridiculous and hammy in a virtual cameo, but unlike Cage, he manages to make it work by at least being amusing as the least ‘O’Connell’ sounding guy to be playing a guy named ‘O’Connell’. The best performance by far is a scene-stealing turn by burly veteran TV actor Michael McGrady as Cage’s rather unreliable right-hand man. He’s terrific and looks to be having more fun here than anyone. Pasha D. Lychnikoff is quite OK, too as the bad arse Russian mob boss.

 

While the plot and characters are frankly uninteresting and unoriginal as scripted by Jim Agnew (Argento’s “Giallo” and the Wesley Snipes flick “Game of Death”) and Sean Keller (“Giallo”), the film at least scores a few points in the action department. Cage, credit where it’s due, manages to at least be more credible in fights than latter-day Steven Seagal, and probably more than Liam Neeson, too. The shaky-cam is annoying, but otherwise the action is pretty enjoyable. It’s the rest that isn’t anywhere near up to snuff.

 

The action manages to get out from under the shaky-cam style, and there’s a couple of OK supporting performances. However, two terrible performances and a stock-standard plot (arguably downright plagiaristic) make this one extremely forgettable. Completely lousy conclusion, too will have you asking ‘Wait, that’s it?’. Yes, that really is it. And it absolutely will not do, though it’s far from Cage’s worst film to date.

 

Rating: C