Review: RoboCop 3

RoboCop (Robert John Burke) joins the cause of a bunch of homeless revolutionaries (CCH Pounder, Stephen Root, Daniel von Bargen, Stanley Anderson) fighting the OCP corporation’s plans to flatten local slums to make way for the new Delta City. Yep, a greedy land development plot in a “RoboCop” film. Aiding OCP is a militant force led by McDaggett (John Castle), though eventually the now Japanese-owned OCP (run in the States by Rip Torn but really owned by Mako) sends their own indestructible force (Bruce Locke) to put a stop to RoboCop and the revolutionaries. Nancy Allen briefly reprises her role as tough cop Anne Lewis, Bradley Whitford and a returning Felton Perry are OCP suits, Jill Hennessy plays the chief technician for RoboCop, Robert Do’Qui is back as the police captain, and comedian Jeff Garlin for some reason has a cameo as a cook.

The remake of “RoboCop” wasn’t the first time someone tried to take things in a tame direction. In addition to two TV series (one being animated!) there’s also this 1993 flick from director Fred Dekker (“Night of the Creeps”, “The Monster Squad”) and his co-writer Frank Miller (the famed graphic novelist who also had his screenplay for the previous “RoboCop 2” much revised). If you know who Dekker and Miller are, you can probably work out what the result is here, though it’s probably even worse than you’re imagining given “The Monster Squad” was still fun. The biggest problem is that this was the first “RoboCop” not to be given an R-rating in the US (or R18+ in Australia for that matter) and it absolutely makes a difference. Surprisingly, Dekker himself says it was the studio pushing for that, having already come out with the animated TV series. I just assumed Dekker, normally a maker of juvenile horror films just wasn’t interested in the ultra-violence of the previous films. Whoever was at fault, it makes for a depressingly neutered film. It’s also very much comic book in tone, and I’m not sure Mr. Miller (whose original script was largely rewritten by Dekker) is entirely to blame there. It’s a seriously corny, juvenile endeavour that is even more toothless than the remake. It also sat on the shelf for two years after being made in 1991, because Orion Pictures went belly-up.

I’m sorry, but no amount of Casey Wong (the very un-Casey Wong-looking Mario Machado) and the ‘I’ll Buy That for a Dollar!’ guy can convince me that this is the same “RoboCop”. It plays more like a full-length version of the TV parody stuff that gets shown on the periphery of the franchise. This is a live-action cartoon, and a sub-par one at that. Hell, even the Basil Poledouris (“Conan the Barbarian”, “RoboCop”) music score feels like a lesser, cheap imitation of his previous scores for the franchise.

The bit players give seriously awful performances, the Splatterpunks in particular are some of the worst actors I’ve ever seen. However, even the normally very fine CCH Pounder gives a ridiculously unconvincing performance playing one of the film’s sillier comic book creations, leader of the group of radical homeless people (!) that includes Daniel von Bargen, Stephen Root, and Stanley Anderson. All of those guys have seen much, much better days and don’t convince at all as revolutionary-types. Who in the hell was in charge of casting there? Pounder and Root probably give the worst performances of their entire careers here. John Castle for his part is playing a woeful English villain stereotype to the point where he calls everyone ‘chum’. Pip pip, cheerio you wanker. Meanwhile, young Remy Ryan is even more obnoxious than the kid from “RoboCop 2”, and more cutesy-poo to boot.

As for Nancy Allen, she gives the best performance here but isn’t long for the film unfortunately (and apparently by her own suggestion). Bradley Whitford is next best as the replacement for Miguel Ferrer’s character in the first film alongside a returning Felton Perry. Playing a corporate jerk is something he could do in his sleep. I’m pretty sure Rip Torn could play his corporate villain act in his sleep and has been much, much better elsewhere. As for Mako, it just goes to show that the guy never turned a role down. Despite being a fluent speaker in English, he speaks subtitled Japanese for his sadly few and useless scenes. He’s much better than this film allows him to be. To be honest though, the film already has far too many villains: John Castle’s wannabe Michael Craig in “Turkey Shoot”, the Asian Terminator guy, Rip Torn, Felton Perry, and a rat in the ranks of the homeless activists. The whole thing is a mess. The Japanese vs. American corporate stuff is theoretically kinda clever, but Asian Terminator guy is pretty dull and obvious for the most part. Why make this indestructible robot and…give him a run-of-the-mill samurai sword? He gets decapitated in no time. Then two more of his type pop up and they get fooled by a kid and her Apple II technology, and decapitate each other.

The film is pandering to a crowd that shouldn’t really be watching a “RoboCop” film at the alienation of the very people who would watch something called “RoboCop 3”. I mean, I like stop-motion as much as the next guy but even Ed 209 gets completely de-fanged in this relatively bloodless film. A film featuring characters called Splatterpunks really ought to have a shitload more blood. I will say though, that we get by far the funniest ‘bringing a knife to a gunfight’ moment I’ve seen since Sean Connery in “The Untouchables”. Also, kudos for the cute voice cameo by former American President Martin Sheen. That was funny (My President Sheen reference, perhaps less so). As for Robert John Burke, replacing Peter Weller was an impossible task and although he was excellent in the little-seen “Dust Devil” his career as a leading man never took off after this. He looks enough like Weller when the mask is off, but his voice is noticeably softer even when in Robo-speak.

A live-action Saturday morning cartoon, and a terribly bland one at that. Lots of gunfire and explosions, but not much viscera at all. This just isn’t “RoboCop” and is best forgotten. Pretty tedious.

Rating: C-