Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

With cameraman Vernon (Will Arnett) taking credit for their heroic efforts in saving New York City, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been living a somewhat low-key existence. That is until arch-villain Shredder (Brian Tee) and two knucklehead prisoners Beebop (Gary Anthony Williams) and Rocksteady (Stephen ‘Sheamus’ Farrelly) are rescued from their prisoner transportation vehicle by Krang (voiced by Brad Garrett!) who is basically a brain-like alien head inside of a gargantuan robotic body. Krang needs Shredder’s help on some evil scheme, and gives Shredder a mysterious ooze that he uses to transform Beebop and Rocksteady into mutants…who are still knuckleheads. Throw in ace reporter April O’Neill (Megan Fox) a former corrections officer turned masked vigilante Casey Jones (Stephen Amell), and some dissention among the turtles on what to do about this ooze, and you’ve got yourself a movie. Tyler Perry plays Dr. Baxter Stockman, a scientist in Shredder’s employ, Laura Linney is a hard-arse police chief, and Dean Winters turns up as a bartender.

A truly enjoyable “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie is yet to be made, but just as the 1990 film was relatively palatable for my generation, the two Michael Bay-produced versions for the current version will no doubt go down OK with the target market as well. This 2016 sequel from director Dave Green (a music video guy, unsurprisingly for a Michael Bay-produced film) and screenwriters Josh Appelbaum & Andre Nemec (who previously teamed up on the first film and the superior “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol”) could’ve been so much worse and I’m not sure it really needs to be 100 minutes long, but there’s some fun to be had here. The shuriken-laden Paramount ident was cute, and as with the previous film the film looks gorgeous in the graphic novel mould. Best of all, as shot by Lula Carvalho it looks…stable. Unlike last time, there’s no shaky shit in the action scenes for this one from Carvalho, and the film is all the better for it.

The opener is pretty exciting as it sets everything up well, and whilst I think it was a missed opportunity not to cast Terry Crews as Beebop, Gary Anthony Williams and WWE Superstar Sheamus are definite highlights as Beebop and Rocksteady. For non-wrestling fans Sheamus’ Irish accent might take a little getting used to for Rocksteady, but both actors appear to be having a whale of a time and that fun doesn’t stop when the characters turn to CGI mutated monsters. These two are dumber than a box of rocks, and if you watched the popular late 80s cartoon, the versions of the characters here line up pretty well with that. They’re fun. I’m not sure that the film really needs the addition of Krang nor integrates him terribly well into the film (it comes pretty much from out of nowhere), but I do like the character itself and if you liked him on the cartoon, you’ll like him here, poor integration or not.

The real problem is that the inclusion of Beebop, Rocksteady, Krang, and Tyler Perry’s idiot scientist appears to be at the expense of most of Shredder’s screen time. Played by a pretty unimpressive Brian Tee, Shredder gets somewhat lost in the shuffle here, which shouldn’t be the case for such a major villainous character. Meanwhile, the titular ninja turtles and their voices/personalities worked a lot better for me this time around than in the previous film, though Tony Shalhoub doesn’t quite suffice as the voice of Splinter. The biggest casting/performance issues for me are with the film’s most notable stars: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Stephen Amell, Laura Linney, and Tyler Perry. Fox’s line readings are once again evidence that she’s a product of Cyberdyne, not a biological organism from the planet Earth. Already miscast as a human being, let alone a supposed ace reporter, early on her ‘nerd’ ruse involves frizzing her hair and putting on glasses like it’s “Saved By the Bell”. She’s beyond terrible and only hot if you like plastics or wax. As for Mr. Arnett, he appears to be enjoying himself much more than last time thankfully, but his Michael Keaton-lite act is second only to Stephen Amell’s performance in aggravation. Amell, seemingly a really swell guy from all reports, is a total whiff as masked vigilante bad arse Casey Jones. He’s a constant annoyance with his (to put it mildly) overly enthusiastic performance that just seems too forced. Speaking of enthusiasm, did someone shit in Laura Linney’s coffee every morning on set? Her character isn’t meant to be terribly likeable, but I’ve rarely seen such an unpleasant demeanour and lack of enthusiasm from a well-regarded performer before. The total opposite of Amell, she looks to be in a completely horrendous mood throughout, and it’s truly off-putting. I’ve never understood the appeal of Tyler Perry, but his performance in this is a pantomime shtick worthy of an episode of “Power Rangers”. “Power Rangers” sucks, people. It’s a crappy “Voltron” rip-off (And yes, I’m aware that part of its inspiration predates “Voltron”, but “Power Rangers” itself still came after “Voltron”. Deal with it). His character and the mention of ‘ooze’ seems to suggest that the film is at least partially based on 1991’s “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze”, and on that front at least I can say this film is superior. Speaking of that film, if you love your Vanilla Ice, you get a cute audio reference of his biggest hit at one point. The film’s absolute highlight comes right at the end with a modern pop-punk rendition of the cartoon theme song which is still catch as hell (Fun Fact: “Big Bang Theory” co-creator Chuck Lorre worked on the song, possibly why it cropped up on an episode of that show I’d wager). I don’t even care that they’ve updated it to reference Vanilla Ice’s dreaded ‘Ninja Rap’, I still marked out for it.

It probably sounds like I didn’t like this film much, and I don’t suppose I did. However, I enjoyed some of it and it’s a better film than it has any right to be. Stephen Amell is terribly hammy, and it needed a lot more Shredder (and a lot less Tyler Perry, Will Arnett, and Laura Linney), but this…isn’t bad at all.

Rating: C+