Review: XXX: The Return of Xander Cage

CIA deputy director Marke (Toni Collette) holds a meeting to discuss a top-secret satellite hacking program dubbed ‘Pandora’s Box’. It basically has the capacity to turn satellites into weapons. Unfortunately, while the meeting is going on, a team of highly-skilled and well-prepared crims (led by Donnie Yen, and including Tony Jaa, Deepika Padukone, and Michael Bisping) break in and steal the program right from under everyone’s nose. The solution? Bring back Xander Cage (Vin Diesel), who is apparently not dead and enticed to help out the CIA after his NSA mentor Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) has an unfortunate close encounter with a falling satellite. Cage gathers together a team (Rory McCann and sniper Ruby Rose among them) and sets about tracking down Yen and his team. Nina Dobrev plays a nerdy, ‘fan girl’-ish NSA techie helping Cage and his crew.

I’m not even sure if I had seen the previous “XXX” films at least not in their entirety, but the cast for this 2017 D.J. Caruso (“Disturbia”, the appalling “Eagle Eye”) action flick was too good to pass up. Scripted by F. Scott Frazier (“The Numbers Station”) the resulting film pretty much lives up to its fun cast, as well.

Although I have no idea who or what a Neymar is, the film sure does open with a bang. Sam Jackson continues to be one of the most compelling orators in cinema, and the film is very cool, slick and only a tiny bit full of its own coolness. Meanwhile, people will say I’m nuts but Donnie Yen has the best character entrance I’ve seen since James Bond in “Dr. No”. This guy is the epitome of bad arse. Thai superstar Tony Jaa’s first stunt with a bike is a holy shit moment too. If I could stand, this opening stanza would’ve made me stand up and take notice. Less impressive was Vin Diesel’s opening stunt, a ‘skiing’ sequence that is just ridiculous for the sake of it, and plain dumb. Still, Caruso sure does know how to direct with a snap and pace.

Dopey or not, Diesel’s certainly at home in this role and Toni Collette rarely fails to deliver. There’s also a genuinely funny introduction for Aussie personality (Well, I’m hardly going to call her an ‘actress’) Ruby Rose where she’s on safari and shoots the hunters instead of the lion. Amen, sister. Rose, as I said isn’t exactly an actress, but she certainly has a distinct look and delivers a fair bit of the humour to the film. Deepika Padukone isn’t bad and is certainly a looker, whilst the only issues I have Michael Bisping and Tony Jaa is that they’re not given more to say or do. I was unsure going in whether Donnie Yen would be much chop as a villain. I needn’t have worried, he runs off with the entire film, and isn’t really playing the lead heavy anyway. He’s a helluva star in the action department and his English-speaking skills are a lot better than many other HK stars. This is idiotic, but I’m hardly going to hold that against it when, like “Con Air”, “Shoot ‘Em Up” and “Smokin’ Aces” before it, it’s a fun ride. It’s hard to truly defend it artistically, but that’s OK, I’ll hate myself while thoroughly enjoying this. Any film featuring motorbikes with water skis attached is clearly not even aiming for critical praise. That scene is in a way terrible, but…it kicks arse. There’s a truly insane fight and chase between Diesel and Yen in busy traffic, too. Everyone involved in this film is clearly nucking futs. Caruso is to be commended for being able to shoot what is several different action scenes going on at the same time, without being incoherent. That said, a lot of McCann’s dialogue sure is hard to understand, and he’s perfectly intelligible on “Game of Thrones” (on which he is brilliant, by the way). I’m not sure what that’s about. Also, the person responsible for hiring the somewhat vapid Nina Dobrev in a comical nerd role probably ought to have been overruled. Essentially playing a dorky combination of Q and Miss Moneypenny, she fails spectacularly in trying to convince in the role. If she’s trying to be funny, she’s failing even worse at that. It’s a shame the incredible Tony Jaa is a bit wasted here, he does more running and parkour than fighting, but I guess it’s acceptable when you already have Donnie Yen doing his thing in the martial arts department. Meanwhile, as much as I liked the film it does seem to have a similar vibe to Diesel’s other franchise “The Fast and the Furious”, and not just because Tony Jaa was in one of those films. Let’s just say if you’re not a fan of the last few films in that franchise, you probably won’t gel with this, either. Thankfully, I’ve only enjoyed the sixth and seventh entries of that series so far, so I had no such issues with this.

If this is Bond/Ethan Hunt does extreme sports, then it’s pretty fun stuff. Diesel is ideal, Donnie Yen runs off with the whole thing, and I had a good, brainless time with this one. A pleasant surprise. Next time though, give Tony Jaa more to say and do. He can handle it.

Rating: B-