Review: Cyborg

In the post-apocalyptic 21^st century, heroic Gibson Rickenbacker (Jean-Claude Van Damme) escorts Dayle Haddon on a mission to Atlanta, to deliver vital info on a plague cure. Vincent Klyn stars as menacing Fender Tremolo who leads a band of dangerous thugs hell-bent on keeping society in the scummy state it is (God knows why, though). It turns out that Gibson has a very personal grudge against the monstrous Fender. Deborah Richter turns up essentially as the love interest.

It’s strange that prolifically craptastic director Albert Pyun (“Mean Guns”, “Adrenaline: Fear the Rush”, “Omega Doom”, “The Sword and the Sorcerer”) and the uber-crap team of Golan-Globus (AKA Cannon Films, Provider of Chuck Norris and Michael Dudikoff’s lunch money) didn’t team up until this 1989 post-apocalyptic actioner. I say it’s strange because by this point, Cannon were already on their way to Bankruptville long before this Unholy Trinity of Pyun-Golan-Globus was released. The other strange thing is that despite its reputation in some quarters, the film’s not terrible. Certainly the members of the Unholy Trinity have given us far worse films over the years (some of the worst films of all-time), as has the film’s star Jean-Claude Van Damme. But make no mistake, this ain’t no “Bloodsport” (or even “Kickboxer”), and it sure as shit isn’t “Mad Max 2”, much as it would like to be a hybrid of both. Pyun obviously liked the idea, though, ‘coz he went and ripped himself off in 1996 with “Omega Doom”, which despite starring Rutger Hauer, was an absolute stinker. It’s also kinda strange that Pyun, known for attracting actors whose careers have died (Rutger Hauer, Steven Seagal, Christopher Lambert, etc.) managed to catch Belgian martial arts star Jean-Claude Van Damme fairly early in his career.

Right off the bat, it has to be said (and I’m the only one who will likely do so) that there is a little bit of potential in the central idea. Also, for a Pyun film, it doesn’t look especially cheap, in fact it looks rather good (Coming from Cannon, that’s a bit of a surprise too). One might even call it one of the director’s more accomplished films, but if you’ve seen a few of his films, you know what faint praise that is. Unfortunately, Pyun always seems to make movies with bare bones scripts that mostly end up playing out largely the same (he’s got a thing for androids/cyborgs in post-apocalyptic settings, for a start). And for the most part, his films are filled with horrible dialogue and performances, this film being no exception. For instance, Vincent Klyn (the ‘we’re just gonna fuck you up’ guy from “Point Break”) was not hired for his thespian ability since he has hardly any. He’s in this ‘coz he’s a big, muscular, fearsome-looking dude who looks like he could crack some skulls. He is, however, probably given way too much dialogue, whilst a one-note Van Damme wisely gets hardly any at all. Haddon, meanwhile is/was a model and her performance pretty much sticks to that stereotype. There are just as many failed model/actresses as there are successes, so there’s no guarantee that the transition will be a success. Those to have broken that stereotype include Jennifer Connelly, Rene Russo, Geena Davis, Famke Janssen, Susan Sarandon, and Rachel Ward. Getting back to Haddon herself, she’s unfortunately saddled with a terribly written role that has her disappear and reappear for great lengths of time. The other main actress in the film, Deborah Richter is even worse than Haddon. This chick has no business being in the acting profession, and is so low-key as to practically evaporate on screen.

Like I said, the film isn’t terrible, featuring fine cinematography by Philip Alan Walters, for a start. And to reiterate, a good film indeed could’ve eventuated here. Whilst Pyun tries to make the best of the awful Kitty Chalmers screenplay (which overdoses on confusing and unnecessary flashbacks), I think a filmmaker like Walter Hill could’ve nailed this. Apparently Pyun’s initial vision for the film was as a rock opera with no dialogue, and to be filmed in a stylised, granulated B&W. Hill, of course created the ‘rock & roll fable’ “Streets of Fire”, and showed what this film could’ve been like. When you add the fact that Chalmers has given most of the characters music-related names (equipment and instruments mostly- Gibson Rickenbacker, Fender Tremolo, Marshall Strat etc.) you can see where this might’ve gone, say a more violent, martial-arts version of “Streets of Fire”. Of course it would need a solid script, which is not what Chalmers has given Mr. Pyun to work with. And obviously, Hill regular Ry Cooder would’ve done more with the music than Kevin Bassinson does here.

This is grungy, dour, and woefully simplistic, but still a step up for Pyun in terms of cinematography and probably budget. The action is what really sells this, even if it comes in fits and starts. It’s good, gory stuff, and JCVD fans will heartily appreciate the final 15 minutes of enjoyable mayhem. I especially liked the nice steal from 007 with the knife-tricked shoe, though JCVD uses it to much more delightful effect in my opinion. Check it out, if you’re inclined. It’s not good, but y’know...it could’ve been a lot worse.

Rating: C+