Review: Clash of the Titans

Sam Worthington is Perseus, a Demi-God and the bastard offspring of God Zeus (Liam Neeson), but raised by human fisherman Pete Postlethwaite and his wife Elizabeth McGovern. Zeus and ambitious fellow God Hades (Ralph Fiennes) decide to teach the rebelling human inhabitants of Argos a lesson by threatening to unleash the dreaded Kraken on the city, if Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) is not sacrificed to the creature within days. Apparently Andromeda’s mother pissed the Gods off by claiming she’s more beautiful than Aphrodite. The people choose Perseus and a band of warriors (Mads Mikkelson and Liam Cunningham among them) to kill the bewitching Medusa, whose head is apparently the key to destroying the Kraken. Meanwhile, Hades is secretly working against Zeus, and has sent assassin Calibos (Jason Flemyng), a hideous-looking monster to kill Perseus. Zeus, for his part, actually appears to be aiding his Demi-God son in his quest, for uncertain reasons. Gemma Arterton is Io, a beautiful Demi-God who has been looking over Perseus since birth, and persuades the reluctant son of Zeus to take on the quest in the first place. Danny Huston appears briefly (and mute) as Poseidon, God of...well, you work it out.

Phony-looking but watchable 2010 Louis Leterrier (“Unleashed”, “The Incredible Hulk”) remake of the 1981 Greek Mythology cult favourite isn’t a great film, no doubt. It is, however, about as good as the original, which in itself was lesser to “Jason and the Argonauts” anyway. Die-hard fans of the original won’t like it, Greek mythology experts will hate it too. But just as kids enjoyed the original, I think kids of a newer generation will warm towards this. It’s not bad, and serving essentially the same function as the original, I have to label it somewhat of a success. It’s certainly no worse than many juvenile B-grade fantasy flicks out there, especially those of the 80s (you certainly can’t compare it to “Lord of the Rings”, that would be unfair). It’s just that I wasn’t much of a fan of the original, and seeing this one in my late 30s, I’m obviously the wrong audience.

CGI intended for 3D screenings replaces the Ray Harryhausen stop-motion from the original, and the result certainly isn’t an improvement. Stop-motion may be an archaic form of FX, but it’s a charming one, and Harryhausen was the master. The CGI isn’t as bad as I’d been expecting, especially considering it was designed for 3D (or at least a post-production conversion into 3D) and I was watching it in 2D, but it’s still hit-or-miss. The kraken is better than I was expecting, and the CGI giant scorpion is a bit of fun. Sure, it doesn’t look convincing in context to the background scenery and the actors interacting with it, but if you kinda treat it like great stop-motion, it works in a weird way. Medusa, however, is a disappointment on two fronts. Firstly, the CGI is the weakest in the film. Secondly, this ain’t Medusa. Medusa does not have the body of a serpent. I mean, geez, get your mythology right! Having said that, we’re talking about a film that also steals a ‘father disguises himself to sire an heir’ scene and a magical Excalibur-like sword from Arthurian Legend. The best CGI creation is the Pegasus. Winged horsies are cool. They just are, OK? The background scenery starts off looking fake (especially in dark scenes), but eventually becomes more convincing and the film is actually quite impressive and atmospheric at times. The external shots, despite the poor translation into  2D (either that, or the 2D green screen work was already appalling before being converted to 3D), look lovely at times. I just think there’s too much CGI, too much artificiality, including the buildings and backgrounds. The interiors, particularly when the Gods are involved, are a mixed bag. They look animated, and they are, but at least they look marvellous, animated or not. Sadly, some of the actors look animated too, and not in any favourable way. Neeson, in particular, looks all Botox-y and rubbery, with an annoying shimmer making him also look rather cloudy and irritating to the eye. You see, even the decent FX are a problem because they just show up how bad some of the FX are. Kudos, though, for shafting that irritating mechanical owl from the original into the background, though. That rust bucket always made me groan.

The original film boasted one of the best casts of all-time (including Lord Laurence Olivier, Sybil Danning, Dame Maggie Smith, and Claire Bloom). And Harry Hamlin was in it too (cheap gag, I know). It also proceeded to largely waste said cast, with only Burgess Meredith worth his pay check. This remake has less big-name stars, and indeed could’ve used more genre stalwarts; a Rutger Hauer, Christopher Lee, Tim Curry, or John Rhys-Davies to lend some genre weight, authority, or even energy. Still, the cast we get here is full of familiar faces mostly delivering better performances than their 1981 counterparts, but it’s a bit of a mixed bag. Worthington is no better cast here than he was as cinema’s blokiest “Macbeth”, and gives a similarly bogan-esque performance. Sure, Harry Hamlin was dull too, but Worthington is just too much of a contemporary, far too ‘Aussie Bloke’ presence. He doesn’t even attempt an accent, and his dialogue seriously comes out like; ‘Mate, me dad was killed by a God, eh! Awright then, eh, sport?’. He makes all us Aussies sound so inarticulate, by representing us up there on the big-screen. His passionless “Braveheart”-like speech is so free of inflection that it really makes me wonder how the guy keeps getting Hollywood gigs. Still, you guys keep him, we don’t want him back, thanks. The late Postlethwaite is a joy to see early on, and I wish he, Fiennes, and Huston were in much more of the film. One look at Huston and you know exactly who he plays, and he looks terrific. Unfortunately, I hope he wasn’t paid by the word because I don’t recall him having any dialogue whatsoever. Much better is Fiennes, who as Hades is terrific, ten times as scary and effective as he is as Voldermort. The raspy voice is a bit much, and he’s dealt with far too swiftly in the end (run out of money, Mr. Director?), but he’s still the best thing in the film. Mads Mikkelson, meanwhile, makes up for being a dull Bond villain by turning in an impressive, if taciturn performance here. He’s kinda cool, actually. Poor Jason Flemyng doesn’t have a chance behind layers of cruddy makeup. Anyone could be behind all that goop, and Flemyng totally disappears. Arterton is a bit wooden, and isn’t an Andress-like beauty, either. Her face looks frozen. A frozen duck face.

Although the shimmery shininess and variable performances were serious debits, this film comes out looking decent in the end. It’s OK Saturday matinee entertainment for a juvenile audience. That’s probably all it wants to be, anyway. The screenplay is by Travis Beacham, Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi (the latter two having worked on the underrated “Aeon Flux” movie), based on the original, and it’s certainly a pretty close approximation.

Rating: C+