Review: Boar

A giant boar terrorises an Australian outback populace. We are introduced to three sets of characters; Simone Buchanan, her American partner (Bill Moseley!), her kids, and the daughter’s dipshit boyfriend (Hugh Sheridan). They’ve arrived to visit Buchanan’s muscular brother Nathan Jones. There’s also a couple of old ocker Aussies (John Jarratt and Roger Ward) bantering profanely and occasionally trying to shoot the boar. Thirdly we get the local drinking establishment where we find barmaid/owner Melissa Tkautz, and barflies Ernie Dingo and Chris Haywood. Steve Bisley has a microscopic cameo as another local.

I know since “Razorback” already exists that the world didn’t need another Aussie giant killer pig movie. However, looking at its truly impressive schlock cast, I figured this 2017 film from writer-director Chris Sun would deliver the goods. It tediously fails on just about every level, I’m afraid, including wasting about 99% of that cast of familiar faces. This one was a real downer, folks. There’s some nice gore and TV staple Simone Buchanan is an underrated actress, but that’s about it.

It’s always nice to see American genre veteran Bill Moseley, but just because he can play against type doesn’t mean it’s especially advantageous. He’s a little dull, which you can’t normally say about the man. Australian former wrestler Nathan Jones is no actor, but is probably the most fun of the lot. I did find it interesting to see former Australian Idol contestant Emily Williams in the opening scene. There’s been a few former Idol contestants switch to acting over the years, or at least divide their time between the two, but I’d almost completely forgotten about the now heavily tattooed former Young Diva (the other members of that ill-advised girl band have all remained in the press for one reason or another).

The dialogue is particularly atrocious and profane, with scenes between John Jarratt and Roger Ward coming off as amateurish and either poorly improvised or poorly acted. Ditto former soap star and pop tart Melissa Tkautz, but in her case I’m pretty sure it’s not the direction to blame, though all three actors seem to have dialogue comprised of ‘bloody’, ‘mate’, or ‘fuck’. The talented Ernie Dingo is appallingly wasted, whilst Steve Bisley has barely a walk-on. What the hell? There’s gotta be a story to that, and it’s a shame because he’s quite amusing in his tiny role. Poor plot structure leaves Dingo (who, unlike Buchanan, can’t seem to hide his boredom in being here) and “Razorback” co-star Chris Haywood making mere cameos at the start and popping in and out periodically. That said, Haywood does give an excellent, hammy turn so far as cameos go. He probably fares second best to Buchanan.

Being that this wasn’t shot on celluloid and neither Sun nor his DOP are visual stylists like Russell Mulcahy, the film isn’t anywhere near as interesting to look at as “Razorback”, so that’s a shame, too. Night scenes in particular look murky and cloudy as you’d expect from digital cinematography. Sorry, but I’ll never truly stop being old-school on this issue. Just because something is cheaper and easier doesn’t necessarily mean it should be a thing. I guess it’s the hill I’ve chosen to die on, moot point as it is now. I will say this for the film, Sun mostly gets the boar right. It doesn’t look to be overly CGI-heavy (or at least I think some animatronics were involved), and it doesn’t look terribly good. The jaw/head FX in particular are amusingly awful. That’s a compliment for this kind of thing, because if it looks too good, you’re taking some of the fun out of it. And this film is severely lacking in fun already. The gore is the best thing, it’s certainly a bit of fun and I was pleasantly surprised by how gory it is. One particularly great bit where the pig charges after one victim and takes their head off.

Gory, but why watch this when there’s already a better giant killer pig movie out there? Rather amateurish, it’s not good and it’s not bad in the right way, either. Boar-ing, really but there’s something oddly delightful about Nathan Jones singing along to Vanilla Ice at one point.

Rating: C